What should we pay?

[Thisgirlcando]

This is inspired by another thread. It is something that is argued about but very little changes made.

I want to know what you think would be fair for each person to pay.

Person A earns £42,000 per year, comes out with around £2250 a month.
Owns their own house, bought while with person B 6 years ago but person B couldn’t be on the mortgage because of credit issues. All person As deposit.
Mortgage £900 a month - can’t remortgage due to bad credit (sacked a couple of years earlier so fell behind on payments, kept this quiet initially, person B helped catch up)
CMS £400 (plus uniforms/clubs etc when needed)
Sky £70 - person B happy to cancel
Petrol £300
Gas/electric £150
Food £150
Broadband £30
Credit card payments £250

Person B - no kids. Earns £41,000 roughly £2150 a month.
Transfers £400 to Person A monthly
Council tax £150
Tv license £20?
Car finance £250
Petrol £250
Home improvement loan (person A owns house remember - was vital at the time) £120
Debt payments £250 (includes £120 towards person As debts)
Savings £200 - just person Bs but A regularly borrows and pays back from. £2000 saved in total.
Food £150

Person A complains about lack of disposable income, but by their own admission they are bad with money, able to purchase house due to an inheritance l. Person B almost out of debt, moved out at 18 and had to rely on credit initially which ruined credit history, almost out of debt now and credit history improved. Person B has paid for most of the decorating/home furnishings including that for the two children’s rooms of person A. Both have cancelled credit cards and are paying them off completely.

Do you think this set up is fair?

I think it depends on your age.

Joint Expenses

Mortgage £900
Sky £70
Gas/Electric £150
Broadband £30
Food £300
Council Tax £150
TV License £20

Total £1620

Half of this £810

Person B also pays £120 of Person A’s Debts so £810 - £120 = £690

Currently Person B is paying £840 (including Person As debts & £400 to person A)

In the interests of being fair (each paying their own debts) and 50% of all household expenses, Person B should only be paying Person A £250 per month (not £400)

Maybe you should get a joint account for all bills.

Each person responsible for their own debts.

So if total bills are £1620. And person B is paying £120 of Person As debt, Person A should put in £930 & Person B £690.

Whatever is left covers each persons own debts and petrol/CMS etc.

By doing this each person should have the following each month:

Person A

Take Home Pay: £2250

CMS £400
50% Household Bills (& debt to B) £930
Petrol £300
Credit Card £250

Total Left: £370

Person B

Take Home Pay: £2150

50% Household Bills (minus As Debt) £690
Car Finance £250
Petrol £250
Debt Payments £250
Savings £200

Total Left: £510

Do you both have student loans and/or big pension contributions?

I'm on £40k and come away with over £2400 pm after pension and tax, NI so your take homes both seem low.

But it also seems like there's a lot of frittering going on but if person A isn't going to analyse their spending to identify the reason, they're always going to feel short of money.

Coffees and lunches?
Bank charges and interest?
Gambling?
Gadgets?

Yes to student loan and pensions!

We’ve not got a joint account on purpose because of the stages of bad credit, we thought it was best so that we aren’t as jointly linked. I’ve worked hard to improve mine whereas he (A) has a default on an account from around 9 months ago so don’t want that to impact me.

And I have gadgets and hobbies that I pay for, I didn’t include it because I pay on my own for it.

B pays A £400 which then pays for A’s kids kind of jumps out at me. Sorry, probably not that helpful.

I used to only pay the £400 when I moved into his rented house. This was because I earned significantly less and had a lot of debts that were taking over my life. He paid off some of the pressing ones for me but over the years I’ve paid them back (hence why I don’t mind paying some bits of his now). As my wage has gone up I’ve picked up other bits to balance it out.

Thanks for all of your help! I have sat down and gone through it all with him and it turns out I’m paying more than him when we go through the numbers exactly, there were bits I had missed before accidentally.

I divided it into household and personal and I pay more for the household in total (just over £80 more than him). Personal spending that requires set direct debits only has £12 difference - me with more but that’s all things I chose to pay for, his includes CMS etc.... but obviously he chose to have kids, I want them but can’t comfortably afford them.

I earn £100 less a month too so it has annoyed me, if we split I would be the one that leaves empty handed, including furniture etc and would have to start from scratch. I pointed out that I wanted to see about going onto the mortgage ASAP for security and he started complaining against the costs for a solicitor etc. He’s now gone to bed in a sulk. I am going to be very clear tomorrow that I want to be on the mortgage immediately seeing as though I’m paying more towards the household, if that doesn’t happen I will offer to halve the household bills but nothing extra towards the mortgage.

He's gone to bed in a sulk because you've noticed you're paying more than your fair share and want to change things? Nice.

He needs to have a hard look at his own spending if he thinks he's short of money.

@BarbaraofSeville

He's gone to bed in a sulk because you've noticed you're paying more than your fair share and want to change things? Nice.

He needs to have a hard look at his own spending if he thinks he's short of money.

This. He's clearly pissed off that you took the time to work it out and you were right.

Be careful with the mortgage if he refuses to put you on it if you're not married. You could end up with very little when you've contributed so much.

Bravo Op.
So after the next few months, you will have a small salary raise plus an extra £250 which was being used to clear your debts which will have been paid off?

Put the whole lot into your savings account with the £200 per month you already save. £500 per month will quickly mount up for you to put towards a deposit for a flat with your dad. Unfortunately I think you may well end up living in it yourself as your partner does not want you to have a financial share of "his" house. He doesn't like seeing the proof of how much you pay towards your home written down. He is now sulking because he was wrong and it was very unfair to expect you to contribute even more. Unless he wakes up and accepts that he was wrong, this does not bode well.

I would not be feeling particularly attracted to him at the moment, but make sure your contraception is well and truly sorted. Or you could be majorly screwed in more ways than one.
And whatever you do, do not let him count his CMS as a joint expense.

We aren’t married, I’m very aware of my potential issues. My Dad is in a similar position (his partner owns their house outright so no mortgage and no name on anything, although he hasn’t paid towards) and we spoke a couple of weeks ago about him saving up to get a small buy to let flat as security, but with being older he was worried about getting a mortgage as he retired in 10 years. He has a substantial deposit saved so then I wondered if I could save up and me still having 30+ years of work ahead of me if it would put us in a better standing, he’s happy with this!

I’m alarmed at his bad mood and going to bed. I’m hoping it’s because he expected to find he was paying a fortune more than me and that I would offer more, in reality he’s realised he isn’t going to be getting extra spends.

I think because I don’t waste money on things like coffees he sees me as having a lot of money, I make bigger purchases for my hobby that he sees so thinks I have a stash of cash - I also save up things like birthday money from my parents to buy things I want.

If I’m not on the mortgage I’m not contributing. I’m more than happy to pay my share of the bills because I am using the electric etc. As soon as we start with a solicitor I think I will relax but I’m really aware at the moment that I am buying him a house. I don’t even mind paying all the solicitors fees myself!

Yes @CoffeeBeansGalore! I might keep that quiet and add it into savings before I get used to having it. I felt that about me living in the flat too, when we spoke about it we mentioned that we would use rent payments for the mortgage but also what we would normally save to overpay so that it would eventually become an income with little outgoings!

He hasn’t considered CMS as joint, he didn’t get an option because I organised it into a table (I know I’m a nerd), I don’t think he would count it anyway.

He has always said he is bad with money, I think it has hit home tonight because he thinks I have plenty of money compared to him and it turns out he has more but nothing to show for it (other than a nice semi in the countryside)

I don’t think it’s fair that you pay so much when you have no security, he could kick you out with no warning. Someone mentions you ‘benefit’ from a bigger house, but you don’t really, it’s extra space for his children. Plus it’s not clear if you have your own room/space - like you would if you were renting.
If I were you, I’d be saving as much as possible, paying bills - yes, but not paying towards upkeep of the house etc. It’s a scary position to be in if he doesn’t want you to be on the mortgage and part own the house.

Ooh this isn't going to work long term you're not financially compatible never will be because he expects you to pick up his slack no matter what and the fact that you are disadvantaged he could have a tenants in common drawn up
Considering you're paying so much towards
Everything. My guess is that he won't

He is financially immature unfortunately people like that rarely grow when they are comfortable

How is sulky chops this morning @Thisgirlcando?

I’ve not seen him yet! I set off to a gym class at 5:45 so was out while he was still snoozing. We will definitely be speaking tonight.

@freeingNora I’m just looking at the tenants in common. This might sound like a stupid question but could he add me to that without remortgaging and just carrying on as we are?