Has anyone here ever considered revenge?

[Greengrassonhighroad]

I have one sister and she is a horrible, horrible, horrible person. She estranged herself from not only me but from the rest of the family. It was for nonsense petty issues. There was so much nonsense issues it makes me sick even thinking about it all. She went one by one against all the family. I respected the estrangement as did others in the family. I now know the estrangement was a control tactic. I think she expected me to read her mind and run after her but that didn't happen. We haven't been physically in each others lives for years but her hatred is as intense and fresh today as it was 10 years ago.

She was never diagnosed with a condition or personality disorder when she was living at home but I do suspect that there is something there. I remember a recent episode where a cousin got married. She never went to the wedding. Myself and my family went but we stayed out of pictures in case they appeared on other peoples social media. I think there could ha e been a brief back pic of one of us, I don't know of she saw or recognised it. She used his wedding day as another opportunity to send a charade of abuse. She thought the focus on the cousins wedding day was all going to be on her absence.

The family has taken all the necessary measures to minimise contact and change our details but she never stops. She continues in whatever way she can. For example more recently she went down the route of contacting anyone she can remember from our friends groups to send them bad messages on the family. Like she made contact with a brothers group of friends and mocked the brother to them. She sends mail in the post too.

The authorities have been useless in helping us and we have been bounced around from the police, to solicitors to doctors and no one is willing to help the family. They just bounce us around from one to the other. I'm so worn down with all of her nonsense and badness and evil. Reading between a lot of the messages, she wants me to engage with her and acknowledge her and all the wrongs in our lifes, explain myself over rows going back decades and apologise to her. Many of these rows were sorted at the time but she decided to store them away in her mind to fling back at me at a later time.

I'm just so so so worn down by all of the abuse from my sister. She won't leave me alone while she hates me and hates every fibre of my being. She won't leave the rest of the family alone either. I can't go on and more with this.

Our mother tried to extend the olive branch a few years ago but it was thrown back into her face. The same thing happened to me. I tried to fix things but she ripped everything I said apart and threw everything around into circles. The woman is living her life miserable and she thinks her happiness belongs with me and our family behaving in a certain and offer her grand apologies.

I'm so tired and sick of it all. Truly I am because I don't know what or next strike is going to be and when. A lot of the abuse is on and off. We go through periods of a quiet spell, there must be something in her life triggering her and she starts it all back up again. I think she's using me as a scapegoat and firing so much back at me to avoid taking responsibility for herself.

I have so much from her in old phones and numbers and also emails and a lot of it is so so so sick. Like sending me pictures of her boobs asking me do I want to suck them? Showing me what good tits look like because in her words - 'you were only just ever jealous of them'.

I'm seriously considering going down the route of revenge in the hope she stops. All I want is to live my life in peace without being made sick every time she decides to strike.

Or I'm following a tiktok account where she suffered some medical negligence and she has highlighted so much. Not only that, a solicitor came forward to help her. That woman is local to me. Do I go down the same way and take my experience to tiktok in the hop I can highlight the negligence from authorities and professionals and also in the hope that all this stops. If I was to screenshot some of the messages and put them up there into public and let people know the way we are living with abuse.

Me and our family are trying to live our best lives, that's all.

Has anyone been in a similar position? Having a pure and intense hatred campaign? Either from a family member or from an ex. A deranged ex is what my sister reminds me of. The woman is not only my sister but she is my twin and this is what makes it all the more difficult. The authorities and professionals washed their hands off me when I went to get help after a particularly bad spell from her.

I've reached a good place about the estrangement and I am happy with the estrangement and not having her in my life any more. I'm in a good place about this. The problem is she won't leave me alone. She won't leave the rest of my family alone. It's all electronic communications from her and post and mail. She hasn't been in out lives for years. She's like a stranger to us now.

I have no advice, but I didn't want to read and run! Hopefully bumping this so someone with experience can comment xx

Something has clearly happened to her to do this, perhaps you do need to sit and listen instead of brushing her away.

Didn't want to read your post and not reply, but I'm afraid I can offer you little help.

I think you and your family are in a horrible position. Your sister seems to be flying off the handle whenever something good is happening for you all. Was she always like this, as a child, teenager,... ? Do you think it's a form of jealousy towards you, her twin?

It might be a good thing to research your options via legal route? Isn't slander illegal? With all the things you kept (phone messages, mails,...) there must be something you can do to make her back off...

What did the doctors/police/sollicitors say when you asked them for help?

Very sorry you and your family aren't left alone in peace. Especially since your sister doesn't want contact, or so she claims.

I hope someone with more advice is here soon

She sounds awful.

But I don't see why you have to do anything at all. Ignore & block her. If she says unpleasant things to others, I'm sure they will be well-aware they aren't true.

The idea that you'd try to use material you have against her is descending to her level, giving her attention, and actually is pretty vile on your part, as she's clearly unwell.

She sent a lot of messages to me and to others. Going into thousands of messages. Some of the, she was riasing an issue saying things like 'your were only ever just jealous of me. Jealous that I went to college, jealous of my job, jealous of my better body, just jealous, jealous, jealous'.
Then she wants me to go an explain myself and why I am so jealous of her. She brought up an issue over 20 years ago to when we were teens - apparently I was jealous of her going for a shower and getting ready to go out.

None of it is true. If she believes that I am jealous of her, I can't help her on that. I'm not able to. It's not for me. None of it makes sense. If she believes I am jealous of her, you would think she would be happy that I am not in her life.

With regards to brushing her away - I tried to extend the olive branch to her but she threw everything back into my face and turned everything around into circles, none of it made sense. I had to walk away. I'm not willing to go down the route again.

My mother also tried to extend the olive branch by writing a letter and sending it. My sister didn't want to know and texted into our mother's phone a load of abuse. So that was the end of that.

I'm afraid she's on her own at this stage. She made herself that way.

Revenge will get you nowhere, will only fuel the fire, and will bring you down to her level. I would hope you have more dignity and self-respect than to resort to that.

Why are you reading her emails and post? What's the point? Just delete and bin every last bit of it.

When mail comes into the letterbox and into home, you don't really know what it is. Like one of the mails to me contained no words. It was a print out of a face of a man I was involved with 10 years ago. Nothing else. I don't know what her point was. She never knew him, I only ever spoke of him and the man was history in my life. That left me sick to my stomach and I fainted when I opened the mail and saw it. The man had no bering in how we fell out so I don't know what her point was. That was though.

I'm coming to the realisation that she's not finished with me, not by a long shot. She's not finished with the family either.

Often her mail has nothing to read. Or often it's a new sign up to something like a bible in the mail or jovehvah witness materials where the family never signed up for anything.

If you retaliate you are playing into exactly into her hands. As soon as you seek revenge she will up the ante. I would request a meeting with the police again, surely this is classed as harassment of some sort? Print and bring every email and message you have. A stranger would never be allowed to do this to someone so I don't see why it can carry on just because she a family member.

The GP said because she wasn't threatening suicide, they couldn't help us and recommended the police. The first time I went to the police, they took my details and explained usually a phone call from the police is usually enough for a lot of people to stop what they are doing. The policeman promised me that he would phone her. I think my meeting with him occurred on a Thursday or Friday. I can't remember, the weekend that followed, she blew up my phone with calls after calls after calls after calls after calls. I don't think the woman even slept. She was angered so much by the police phoning her it was time to punish me in her mind. I was in work at the time and it was very hard, I haf to switch off the phone. I never turned it back on again after that and bought a new phone and number.

I thought she would cool down over rhe following few months but she didn't. When she learned she couldnt get me on the phone, she did fake Facebook accounts over and over and threatened me on contacting my employer and my partner. The woman carried through with her threats. All she did was try to humiliate me in front of others and punish me for closing down a line of communication. It was 2018 when she really went vile and took off against all of the family. The woman wanted attention no matter what and made the most dirtiest accusation about one of our siblings that no way would have be possible or true but she wanted to punish him and calling him bastard and prick wasn't enough or strong enough for her.

I went back again to the police but that time the officer said because she wasn't physically threatening us, we should be going to a solicitor for an injunction. We went to three solicitors that were equally as shit. One behaved like a counsellor, another told us to go back to the police because it is a criminal offence and another solicitor told us because we were never married he can't help us with applying to the court of a court order.

When mail comes into the letterbox and into home, you don't really know what it is. Like one of the mails to me contained no words.

If the envelope doesn't state who it's from, you know it's bullshit. Anything legitimate will have a company name, return address, etc. Rip it up and bin it.

Thanks for the replies and especially to fedupplucking...that makes a lot of sense. Retaliation will probably just make her more angry and she will probably up her shit.

Send her an email and a text stating you do not want any contact with her and asking that she does not try to get in touch. Then block her number. Block her on all social media.
Block her email address.
Tell your family to do the same.
If whatever is sent by post or via any other means is abusive or makes you feel distressed go to the police.
She will get a warning.
Unless you clearly ask her to not contact you and she still does there is no case for harassment.
I had an ex like this. It's a shit situation. In my case there was a diagnosed mental illness though.

Oh and absolutely no revenge! You will just play the game she wants. And she will probably crush you. Not worth it. You are better than this!

I fear that any response from any of you will simply feed the fire. But in your shoes I would be saving all of this to a file somewhere, not reading them but stashing them away out of sight. You don't owe her any of the space in your head. All the same these communications are evidence of a sort and you may find you need them in the future, if she ramps this up again.

My husband and brother fell out because of BiL's double standards and a lot more besides...too much to write here...but my husband now gives him no space in his head to think about him. He might as well be dead. Husband feels a lot better that he went NC, helped his MH no end. Sometimes you just have to say, sod it, I'm done.

Artemisia

That is my place right now. I'm in a good place with the estrangement. I accepted a long time ago and I have no desire for a relationship with her. I just want to get on with my life. The issue is she keeps forcing herself back onto me and also the other members of our family too. It's on and off. We go through periods of good/quite spells and then she raises her dirty head and starts all over again and when she does that, it is stressful. For example contacting other people to shame us and humiliate us and they have no bearing in anything. She had no right to do any of that. The she doesn't care who she uses. There was an episode last year where two mean came knocking on our door looking to get a car. It turned out there was an set up, and the ad was in my brothers name and the impression was given that he had a car to give away. It turned out that she engaged with these two stranger men sending them messages to give away as much personal information as possible and sent them to our front door. When we realised what was happening we knew straight away it was from her. She's is forcing dirt onto the family. The issue is we are all happy without her but she won't leave us alone in peace.

It was impossible to sort anything out with her when I tried the olive branch approach. She was message bombing my phone raising old rows that had nothing to do with us falling out originally but she made them into issues and she was looking for explanations and apologies. I engaged with her one night several yesrs ago thinking I was doing the right think but she wasn't able for any of it. I was so respectful during that time too. She twisted everything and ran everything around into circles, I wasn't able for it. I do not have it in me to do any of that again. I thought about mediation at one stage but that is out of the question now. I'm not interested. She's done to much on me and the family and I don't want to open the door to allow someone so poisonous back into my life.

Every message that she sent to me has been on of hatred. She insults every fibre of my being yet she wants me to engage with her to fix her unhappiness.

Can't offer any advice but this could have been written by me about my sibling. Everything down to the not coming to a cousin's wedding to bringing arguments up from 10 years ago. I have come to the conclusion my sibling has mental health issues and is also jealous of me. So I understand.

No, never considered revenge and I had a nasty, deceitful family member too. However, they are out of my life. If they did decide to return I would take legal advice to see if I could get a court order for them to stay away from me permanently. I would want everything legal so that they have nothing on me and cannot say anything about me.

Poor you! I don't think you should retaliate but I think you should push for legal action. It's harassment.

another solicitor told us because we were never married he can't help us with applying to the court of a court order

I don't understand what you wrote here. How is marriage relevant to taking legal action?

I don't know what that solicitor was on about. He claimed we needed a marriage or a physical/sexual relationship for a court order. He claimed we needed a relationship of that nature to apply to the courts for an order. It's mad. I suspect he didn't want to take on our case and wanted to washed his hands of it.
I'm disheartened with the professionals that I met throughout all this. I'm so worn down now from everything and I feel so sick. I am happy that she is not in my life any more but she won't stop dumping on me. She went after every aspect of my life - work, relationship and family to try and sabatage it all because I didn't fall down to her ways. I don't know when it how she will strike again and I am so sick of it all.