pressure to have a second baby

[pleeeeeen]

have NC for this. My DS is 5. I had a shitty time having him - we both got sepsis, in hospital for 2 weeks, had pretty bad PND for a long time after. I'm only 31, in a stable marriage, no financial worries (at present). The pressure from family and friends about when I'm having another baby is unreal, plus the judgement if I say I'm not sure that I want one.

Yes I would like my DS to have a sibling but I feel like that's a crap reason to have a baby if that's the only reason, surely?! I have to actually WANT to have another baby. I have to feel reasonably confident that it wouldn't endanger my health and that I would be able to mentally and emotionally cope. Surely my first priority is to be emotionally well so that I can effectively parent and be present for the child I already have? I just keep getting told he will resent me for not "giving" him a sibling, as if the second baby is a present for the first one. I daresay he WILL resent me for something but all I can do is what I feel is best at the time.

I just get judgement and disbelief for it constantly and don't know how to shut it down. It's being suggested I am selfish and not doing what is best for my son.

I have siblings myself and I love them dearly but it is not an uncomplicated relationship. One of the most complex relationships you can have I think.

How have others dealt with this?

Hospital I had my 2 always said see you next year. Replies unprintable even for mumsnet

You sound really sensible, thoughtful and sane, OP. Don’t question your own judgement on this. This isn’t a decision to make based on what others think or feel. This is about you, your family and your life.

I’m sorry your loved ones are making you feel so shit about this. It’s really unfair and may be time to start shutting these conversations down a bit more firmly.

I've had similar queries - haven't had a second due to birth injuries and PND from the from the first.

I don't want another child for a variety of reasons, but I do feel guilty he won't have a sibling.

When I feel pressure, I remember:

• it's me that has to do the pregnancy
• it's me that has to survive the Labour
• it's me that has to deal with further birth injuries / issues with my mental health
• it's me that will be doing midnight feeds and early mornings
• it's me that will be further sacrificing my career plans and social life.
• it's me that will have to deal with the stresses of two kids instead of one
• it's me who will have to find the money to fund a second child.

If someone is going to sort all those things for me for life, then they can have an opinion. Until then, it's nobody's choice by mine.

(There is also a wonderful DH in there too, supporting me the entire way, but funnily enough no one asks him why he's not giving our son a sibling 🤔)

I can't beleive that people are so rude and insensitive. DD is an only, but she was a bit of a miracle due to infertility problems. People used to ask, in an interested way, whether we would have any more children and I just told them I couldn't have any more children. It did stop people asking. No-one was ever rude to me.

Maybe telling them that you are physically unable to have more children will shut them up?

If this doesn't work I would feel inclined to be rude back to them and tell them it had nothing to do with them and that should mind their own business.

I love my dd with all my heart but:
I hated being pregnant
I couldn’t cope with the repetitive sleepless hell that is having a baby.

Your child won’t resent you for not having a baby.
I resent my DM for saying ‘I had dsis for YOU’. Great. I loved not being the golden child, plus being blamed for it.