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Original poster

Would you hold off to avoid a summer baby after after autumn one?

30 replies

Laytwir024 · 08/04/2021 12:43

I have an autumn born ds and we have noticed how much older he is than summer born peers. I'm an ex teacher so well aware of this anyway and have noticed the differences when children start school and how hard it it can be for them to move ability groups once they're set, despite best efforts. We are very aware that you can also do well if summer born. Dh and I both are and have done well in life , but we both felt like we struggled in some areas when young and really couldn't get certain concepts for ages e.g. one of us maths, one of us languages. We went to good schools and had tutoring so all fine in the end, but it is still interesting and notable to think about.

When we want to start ttc it'll be a May baby at the earliest then going all the way through the summer months. I feel like we would be giving our second a disadvantage to our first. Is this completely ridiculous? It would be different if we'd been trying for ages but would you deliberately hold off to at least try another autumn/winter baby? If our first child was also summer if might not feel so bad, but I feel like as a direct comparison we'd noticed how disadvantaged they'd be.

OP posts:

Bloatstoat · 08/04/2021 14:58

DH and I are both late summer born, neither of us has had any problems academically or any other way, so it was never something I thought about. My eldest is September born, although due beginning of November, he was premature and has had a number of development issues which has made me glad he was older for his year when starting school this year. My younger child has a spring birthday, so far no issues for her so I don't think it makes much difference. I'm expecting number 3 in June, hopefully they will not face the same challenges as the eldest as will be young for the school year. But in answer to your question - it took a long time for me to fall pregnant each time and I've had losses so I never really felt able to plan when I would be lucky enough to be pregnant and wouldn't have wanted to stop trying to avoid a particular birth date. But equally if you have time on your side and are confident in doing so, why not. I will say though my autumn born brother was probably ahead of most of his peers through primary school and was thoroughly bored and always hated school, so it works both ways! Good luck with whatever you decide.

KG1000 · 08/04/2021 15:13

We have an autumn born boy, and a summer born boy with 2 1/2 years between them. I must say, it took us a while to conceive, and the month of their birth was the last thing on our mind!

As it happens, it has worked out really well. Second (summer born) is far more academic than our first, and has always done brilliantly in nursery and school. He also benefits from having an older brother to compete with, so maybe that has helped? Being quite young when starting school wasn't so daunting because he was already familiar with the building and teachers having an older brother there already.

Conversely, our eldest really benefitted from having two extra terms in nursery before starting school. He was ahead when he stared in reception, but I think that evens out over the course of primary.

From my perspective, being two academic years apart (rather than three) is a bonus too. It means less time trying to juggle different schools, nursery etc. Might regret that though if they are both in uni at the same time though!

daffodilsandprimroses · 08/04/2021 15:16

I don’t think there’s any harm in it. I’d probably avoid Christmas (already have a December baby) for next dc. So will probably start TTC in April 2022.

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Families

Imissthegym · 08/04/2021 15:20

Anecdotally, I am 31 Aug born (8 weeks prem too) and am an academic with a PhD. I’ve had no issues academically at all, I don’t remember a gulf between my older peers and I in primary school.

Also anecdotally, I had secondary infertility and it took me 2 years to conceive my youngest, so I find this micromanagement of conception a bit anyway.

daffodilsandprimroses · 08/04/2021 15:22

Of course if you have had problems conceiving that’s different.

But I am just as about getting shirty with people who are just trying to plan things as sensibly as possible.

Imissthegym · 08/04/2021 15:25

I’m just saying, don’t put too much emphasis on it as if it doesn’t happen it can get you down.

zafferana · 08/04/2021 15:28

From what I've seen it's less age and more SEN that mean a DC is at a disadvantage, and there is no specific time of year for those! So mum in DS1's class deliberately tried (and succeeded) in having two Sept-born DC, both her DC have mild LDs and so that advantageous birthday is pretty much irrelevant. I read with DC in one of my DC's classes (in normal times) and the really good readers can be born any time of year - in fact the best two in his whole year are June and July born. My late June-born DB is very bright, certainly never struggled due to his birthday and now has a very well-paid professional job.

In other words, just go for it. I would, however, avoid mid-Dec to mid-Jan as it's an utterly shit time of year to have a birthday!

queenatom · 08/04/2021 15:39

I wouldn't personally, no. I was one of the youngest in my year (January - the cut off points are different in Scotland) and had absolutely no difficulties with school or with being ready, and I can't remember any of my friends born at a similar time struggling either. I'm pretty sure that if you're young for the year you can defer anyway if that's a concern?

In my case, it took us a good while to get pregnant so by the time the potential Summer baby window came around I cared even less than I ever did (my husband did make a passing comment about it and I just gave him the side-eye). It still hadn't worked for us by the time that window had passed; I'm now due (all being well!) in November.

queenatom · 08/04/2021 15:40

@zafferana I can definitely counter-sign early Jan as a crap time for a birthday!

Bear2014 · 08/04/2021 15:40

We have a January born and then an August born. For us personally, I do wish the two DC had been swapped round in this respect as the January born was more than ready for school when she turned 4 but the August born has been a bit more delayed with his development. Second children are so involved with school life already they seem keen to start and I actually think our youngest would be gutted to wait another year.

GoToSleepBabyPlease · 08/04/2021 15:43

We had ours the other way around- summer then autumn. Although you can start summer borns a year later so that they're the oldest rather than one of the youngest, it can be a bit of a faff to do so I'd try to avoid another summer born if I had another.

GoToSleepBabyPlease · 08/04/2021 15:44

Worth knowing that summer borns are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and other SEND and more likely to suffer from depression and poor mental health in their teenage years.

Bringonspring · 08/04/2021 15:47

Meh I personally wouldn’t overthink it, it does make a difference in the early years but evens itself out later

Carycy · 08/04/2021 17:02

There are problems with being the eldest too. My September born boy is with lots of summer borns in his class. He is bright and I feel like he is dragged down a bit particularly from an emotional level. I feel like he could do with a few older peers to set an example for him. Also a lot of his friends he grew up with from the toddler group years ended up in the year above him. I feel sad for him for that though he still plays with them out of school he gets ignored in school. I do worry for my summer born child for different reasons, My middle child is middle of the year and I feel that is a much better place to be. She is sufficiently stretched but not struggling.

Norwaydidnthappen · 08/04/2021 17:14

I have three summer born DC and none of them are held back academically at all. In fact DC3 is mid August so always the youngest but she’s also always top of the class so...

randomsabreuse · 08/04/2021 17:21

Academically I guess it's easier but my end was November and my first was August and overall I'd try to avoid late Autumn/Winter because bronchiolitis, shit sleep from newborn with snotty nose and other illnesses brought home from school by older sibling.

ittakes2 · 08/04/2021 17:22

Lots of summer babies will tell you they are OK and they are. But as an ex teacher you yourself has said there can be a difference. I have October born children and I have really noticed the difference between them and the much younger children - if there is an option I would always suggest trying for children who are born in the first school term.

Volcanoexplorer · 08/04/2021 17:24

Both of my children are born in September and I do think it’s helped them, especially ds. We planned it this way and were very very lucky. It also worked out very well for my maternity leave too.

fizbosshoes · 08/04/2021 17:30

My DD is summer born and has never struggled either with fine motor skills, early development or academically at school. Shes in top set for several subjects. DS is one of the oldest in the class but would have really struggled with lots of things had he had to start school at just turned 4. He is a lot more sporty but generally at school he has been on a par or just below where DD was, despite her being almost a year younger at every stage.
Shes a teen now and I'm aware she will be behind her peers with driving lessons , going to clubs etc

Italiandreams · 08/04/2021 17:30

As a teacher I would say that it makes a little difference in reception but by end of key stage one it’s very hard to pick out children. Also have two summer born children , both bright and social. There are so many factors that can impact that it’s likely to have very little impact. I’m sure your child would have so many other advantages in life.

Yerroblemom1923 · 08/04/2021 17:31

I'd hold off and try for autumn. We knew we had to get pregnant around Feb/March so that's what we did. Timing is everything. Obviously if you have issues conceiving then just keep going, but as you know, autumn is preferable.

KittyKatyKate · 05/05/2021 21:22

We would’ve love to plan like this and when I daydreamed about parenthood I did! But we have had a mc and a loss and a period of infertility before that, so apart from hoping we avoided our stillborn son’s birthday we didn’t plan. Now 13 weeks pregnant again and the baby is due early November. Which I’m pleased about as I’m a Spring baby and went to a two class per year group infant school. I was in the older group and I can remember everyone starting brownies and it feeling like a lifetime before I was old enough to start! I know it sounds so silly. So I’m glad our little baby will be one of the oldest in the group, not for any academic reason but just so they aren’t too young to join the clubs they want to.

modgepodge · 05/05/2021 21:49

@zafferana

In other words, just go for it. I would, however, avoid mid-Dec to mid-Jan as it's an utterly shit time of year to have a birthday!

Actually, statistically more diagnosed SEN children have summer birthdays than other times of year. I don’t have the research to hand to back this up but have heard it on training courses and so on multiple times.

Statistically, it does make a difference. There will always be exceptions and they will always be mentioned in these threads. But the difference is there at population level.

I’m a teacher (in case you hadn’t guessed) and started trying in a January to have a September baby. Obviously it didn’t happen straight away, ended up conceiving in July with baby born in April. It is what it is, I wasn’t bothered enough to stop trying for a few months!

Homemadearmy · 05/05/2021 21:55

My youngest DC was a August baby and has really struggled in school both academically and socially. He is young for his age anyway. I honestly wish I could have not registered his birth for a few days to make him a September birthday. For the sake of a few days he's really struggled

Wincher · 05/05/2021 22:06

My eldest is summer born and my youngest is early September. I’ve really noticed what a confidence boost it has been for my youngest to be the oldest in his class and ahead academically. In some ways I could wish it was the other way round, not least because if the oldest was a few weeks younger and the youngest a few weeks older there would be two school years between them rather than four. But the gap is certainly narrowing for the older one and he holds his own academically (now in year6). I wouldn’t worry too much. Babies come when they come...

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