Toddler behaviour

[Notthissticky]

DC1 is 2.5, DC2 is 10 weeks. DC1 has been showing some seriously challenging behaviour. He dropped his nap at Christmas and seems chronically tired. If he does have a nap, even 30 minutes, he won't go to sleep until 9pm. He usually gets 13 hours overnight though. From lunchtime/ mid-afternoon onwards he is just unpleasant to be with. It starts with crying/ screaming and stamping his feet if he can't have/ do what he wants instantly. It then gradually descends into every request being met with a growled "NO!" and running around the flat, demanding things he knows he can't have. He will also be very wild and intentionally hit me with whatever he's holding, and throwing stuff. It just feels like whatever I do he kicks off. If we do something nice he will want to do something he can't, or hurt himself and get upset, and if not then he'll combust when it's time to do something else.it's all I can do not to yell at him to fucking shut up and stop being an idiot. Before everyone piles on: I never shout at him or call him names and 95% or more of the time I'm really gentle. I try to use positive language and keep a calm tone, but it makes no difference it seems. I feel like I must be getting something really obvious wrong because this is just awful 😥 I know he's such a lovely, sweet and funny boy underneath, but his behaviour is monster-like and I'm really not enjoying spending time with him at the moment. I feel like such a bloody failure and a horrible mum

They can be hard work when dropping naps as they are still getting tired. What time is bedtime usually? and what time does he get up?

When mine were at this stage I introduced quiet time, where they could spend some time looking at books or doing something 'sleepy' but without the sleep. You may also be able to shift wake up and bedtime to allow for a nap, but it depends on how much wriggle room you have with times.

I guess I'm wondering whether this is normal and if there's anything I can do to make it better. I think we need more structure to the day, but it's difficult when everything is a battle.

He’s tired, he’s two, the weather is crap, we’ve been doing the covid Hokey Cokey for months, everything fun is shut and you’ve got a relatively new baby. Yup, normal.

Pick your battles, be consistent and it will pass. I put my eldest into preschool for 3 mornings a week at that age just so I could enjoy the baby and they could have some fun with peers. We needed some time apart!

Sounds pretty similar to my 2 year old, I think they are all different but definitely don’t think this behaviour is abnormal at 2. I can totally sympathise though. I’ve booked some nice days out/trips over spring and summer now things are opening up and I just find I’m worried about whether it’ll just end up being really stressful trying to take her anywhere. We went for a walk with a friend and their similar age child and mine seemed to spend half the time lying on the floor screaming about various things.
If you’re on Instagram there is a good account on there that I follow called big little feelings and they give some useful tips about how to manage toddler behaviour. A lot of it is about staying calm yourself which it sounds like you are doing well already. Might be some other helpful tips on there for you too though.

It sounds normal, my 2yo has been having some big feelings since her little sister arrived and even though she adores her and still gets the most attention by far, shes been the youngest for 2 years so its a huge adjustment and shes attention seeking because she feels insecure. Its bloody hard, I feel like all she says is no way and I'm worried how she will cope going back into dance and swimming next week. But its early days of having a sibling for both of us and better days are on the way so hopefully they will be easier soon. My best advice is just to stay calm and empathise, and if the more needy and hard work they're being, love bomb them more and more to help them feel secure. Good luck!