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Original poster

14 year old son

19 replies

Prest · 07/04/2021 15:16

My 14 year old son told me to f... off I’m devastated I’m a single mum always worked he’s up my sister’s I said your not coming home until you say sorry he said I’ll be waiting all my life he’s happy to be up there me I can’t stop crying I feel I’ve failed as a mother please help xx

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Original poster
Prest · 07/04/2021 15:18

He’s only child I had him at 40 father didn’t stay around

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Oneearringlost · 07/04/2021 15:20

He still loves you.
Remember thatFlowers

Original poster
Prest · 07/04/2021 15:23

That made me cry thank you xx

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14 year olds
Basilandparsleyandmint · 07/04/2021 15:23

Teens do lash out and obviously swearing at you isn’t on. My DS has been known to lash out but he loves me really and am sure your DS does too. Any swearing at me and I turn off internet so he think about how he spoken to me etc

dotty12345 · 07/04/2021 15:24

Teenagers are arseholes (had 3, still have one at home) I would just ignore it and let him come home, he is testing his boundaries. I've learnt to pick my battles now, it's not easy though!

Original poster
Prest · 07/04/2021 15:25

Done that he turns it back on I’m 5’4 he’s 6’2 how can I physically stop him like xx

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Oneearringlost · 07/04/2021 15:26

He's probably feeling a bit shit too.
I would choose your battles, make contact again, invite him home, give him a hug, don't make reference to it again unless it becomes a really entrenched pattern of behaviour.
It was probably a one off, but you may be looking at quite a few of them over the next few years. As long as the rest of his behaviour is reasonably decent, I would overlook it and certainly not be demanding an apology.
As long as there is a nurture and the philosophy of treating people with kindness in your house, it'll be all right.
Do you get on with your sister?

Original poster
Prest · 07/04/2021 15:26

For me the hardest job I’ve ever had tbh

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Mumdiva99 · 07/04/2021 15:26

My husband and I hind it helpful having each other to step in when things get tense. Could your sister do this for you? Maybe he will listen to her? She could ask him to apologise - or tell him he has to come home.

Don't take the swearing personally though - I'm not saying it's acceptable....but he is a teenager and if he's like my son - thinks that no one can tell him what to do!!

Original poster
Prest · 07/04/2021 15:27

Me an my sister are solid only us both parents past . Y I’m demanding an apology is because it’s not the first time see xx

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Original poster
Prest · 07/04/2021 15:28

Yes she will have a word with him . You know I’d love my mother will all my heart I would never ever swear at her or upset her would break my heart x

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dotty12345 · 07/04/2021 15:32

@Oneearringlost you speak a lot of sense. ❤️

Oneearringlost · 07/04/2021 15:34

I know, it feels awful doesn't it?
There's a fine line between letting it go and demanding an apology, maybe, if it's happened before, you do need to step up and ask for one. He presumably wouldn't talk to anyone else like this?
Perhaps you're right, it's instilling right and wrong behaviour at the outset.
It sounds like he comes from a kind and respectful background, those values will have been instilled. All is not lost, OP

Oneearringlost · 07/04/2021 15:40

[quote dotty12345]@Oneearringlost you speak a lot of sense. ❤️ [/quote]
Oh dotty
I have got it SO wrong at times. Every new situation is a new navigation around these issues, beliefs, values, resentment, tears love, forgiveness, etc...

Snowinsummer · 07/04/2021 15:43

My son does the same - he's 16.5.
It's getting slightly better & he now does apologise eventually. I've done a bit of NVR (non-violent resistance) training and it helps. When he calms down I just go & sit quietly in his room folding washing & wait for him to speak. Or I might bring him up a cup of tea & a biscuit & leave it with him without speaking. These gestures show him that I still love him, despite his behaviour. Also it doesn't further antagonise him. It's hard but generally when they hit 18 they are nice again! I've personally found 15 the hardest age.

Sleepingdogs12 · 07/04/2021 17:08

He shouldn't swear at you bit you've not said how this escalated. You can't say he can't come home until he apologises as it is his home and he is your son. Can your sister have him for a regular break to give a bit of space now and then. I think you will have to be strong and tell him to come home and start again.

Original poster
Prest · 07/04/2021 18:08

That’s what I have always done said come on love let’s both say sorry then it happens again I’m trying to instal some value an make him understand how hurt it makes me feel this happ Easter Sunday when our bubble were here for dinner not nice especially in from of them

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Oneearringlost · 08/04/2021 11:19

How're things today Prest?

Original poster
Prest · 08/04/2021 15:39

Hiya I went and seen him last night my sister said ain’t you going talk to you mam he said Hiya but didn’t engage in direct conversation with me 😥

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