Space - what is reasonable time?

[Tango987]

After 15 years of marriage, my DW has said she needs space and has moved into the spare room. Could I ask, what time-limit would you put against this if this was you? The relationship is getting colder by the day........ sad

This thread is pointless unless you're going to tell us why she feels she needs space. The logical conclusion is that its something OP has done or is not doing.

Well, her decision didn’t come from nowhere, did it?

If she won’t discuss it with you, then (calmly) find a good local therapist (incl on video). Your partner may be more comfortable discussing it with a neutral 3rd person.

It would be reasonable of you to set a time limit for therapy, before you consider other steps for yourself (like formal separation). It would not be reasonable for you to set time limits for almost anything else. Adults can set these for themselves, or toddlers, but not for other adults.

The only behaviours you get to control are your own. And if seperate rooms are a deal-breaker for you (be sure you mean it), bring that up by all means.

but I'm not a machine

Your posts are so cryptic it's very difficult to figure out what is going on. I'm guessing it's something you're doing that she wants you to stop, and you're having a hard time stopping. Or she wants you to do something consistently and you're finding it hard to do.

What is reasonable, in terms of timeframe and expectations, depends entirely on what it is! If it's "listen to me" or "stop gambling" or "earn more money" or "stop being a dick to my mother" or "hold down a job for more than 2 months" or "stop being a workaholic and start spending time with your family" or "finish the DIY projects you keep starting" or "stop sending dick pics to my sister".

I would suggest you just start doing whatever it is that you know need to do to put it right and then keep doing it. Consistently. Then ask how you're doing and listen to the answer, then implement any feedback and keep doing it some more. Forget about "needing to know what's reasonable" in terms of a time frame. Just do the thing that needs doing to fix it, forever, since you say you know what it is.

I'm not a machine

Is this about sex?

Ok thanks for the advice everyone.

If she needs that much ‘space’ she should move out somewhere.
Living in the same house isn’t space.