How does money and savings work in your house?

[hermionieweasley]

Me and DH have been married for three years, two young dc. We have been saving for a house deposit, and paying off some debts, and so for the past year DH has kept a spreadsheet and tracked how much we can keep back, how much goes into a joint account for food shops/petrol, and the rest we split evenly. We both work full time, he earns about 10k than me as I took a step back in my role to make it more flexible with DC.

We are at our target for our house deposit, and DH wants to start four new savings- holidays (he's v into travelling), house emergencies, kids and general life savings. He is suggesting pooling our money each month, taking some out for each pot, and then dividing the remainder. I think this is sensible and I'm happy with this, but not happy with the amount he wants to give us each every month, it's less than we have now and it's tight at the moment. I feel I can rarely afford new clothes or make up, and although that's not important to lots of people, it is to me, and I work hard enough that i would like to be able to treat myself every now and then, not just treating the little ones. I would also like a pot of my own money that I have saved up in my account, a few thousand, so I can use it as and when I want without having to ask for money. My suggestion is we keep our own wages for two months and then start the new saving plan, but he is saying no.

How do you make it fair in your house?

Yes I think the issue here is travel. I think you need to discuss with him that he pays more into that and you take that bit for clothes for yourself. Travel is his priority and something you both can enjoy so you are prepared to pay some towards that but clothes etc is something you need so you need savings for that.

Hopefully he just hasnt thought of it because it isnt important to him. But the fact he is saying no to your suggestions is something you need to address

You have different priorities for your disposable income - you’d rather spend on clothes and he’d rather spend on travel. His interest shouldn’t take priority over yours
This.
Travelling is his hobby. You shouldn't be subsiding it with your clothing budget.

Just say no to him. Other three savings accounts he suggests are fair enough as long as you agree the amounts. You can jointly save for an annual holiday within the budget you both agree, but it is not your role to subsidise his interest in travelling.
Decide what you think is a decent amount for your own personal expenditure, for clothes, makeup, your interests and hobbies. Whatever is left over can be divided up into the other three savings pots.

I think in principal the way your finances are being handled is good

BUT

He wants to travel and is making that a priority of your desire to look good and be well groomed.

So the discussion needs to be around why is his priority more important than yours?

Is this travelling for you as a family or does he want to go off on "boys" holidays too and it's all one travel fund?

I don’t like the sound of your husband. He sounds a bit of a bully. Clearly it’s very sensible to have some savings especially for household items/emergencies/child related expenses. Beyond that you should discuss expenditure for personal items/holidays, or keep a portion separate. Why does his desire to travel trump your desire for a few clothes and makeup?

My husband is very financially astute and loves a spreadsheet. I’m grateful that he’s canny with money. However he would never dream of telling me I couldn’t treat myself to some clothes or a haircut with my own money.

We earn very similar to you and everything goes into the main joint account. From this comes the mortgage, bills, direct debits, holiday saving and Xmas saving, ISA saving and mortgage overpayment.

We then get a ‘joint amount’ of money for meals out, groceries, days out (joint monzo).

We also get individual money (£300 a month) for clothes, personal days out, haircuts, whatever we want. The personal money leads to less resentment and tbh, I very very rarely spend £300 so will top up the savings. So your husband could choose to spend his personal money saving if he so desired.

Depends how much you get each month. £100 or £500 are very different. What does this cover? I pay for waxing etc from joint money, but clothes and makeup from my own account. What do you consider a reasonable amount? Tell your DH how much you need and take it. It’s your money too!
My DH and I split our money like you but holidays come out of general savings rather than a separate pot. So if we needed a new sofa we’d spend it on that and have a cheaper holiday, rather than ringfence holiday money and wait for the sofa iyswim.

If you're earning £110k between you, then you should be able to have a decent about of "spends" between you each month. What do you have now? (I'm just finding hard to believe that someone earning 50k can't afford a Tesco's top).
You have as much right over what happens to the household income as your DH, OP. If you don't agree with his new plan then put your foot down!

We have one account. I get paid mid month and DH gets paid at the end of the month. Whatever is in the account the day before pay day gets saved, I buy premium bonds.

DH never spends any money. I buy whatever I want, but I am not particularly extravagant! Kids clothes, clubs, home improvements etc we just pay for as necessary

If we book a holiday we pay for it, I guess if it was a big one we would take some out of savings or use a credit card. What's the point in saving such a high amount for a holiday that the rest of the year is miserable?