Advice on reference dilemma

[LivingMyBestLife2020]

I’ve been offered a new job.

I’m currently employed as a mental health support worker. I work specifically for one lady. All my contracts, timesheets and payroll are done through the agency who employed me.

I’ve put the agency down as a reference and I got a surprisingly rude response saying it wasnt their business and I need to get a reference from the lady I work with as she’s my direct employer.

This isn’t really appropriate. She has severe mental health issues, is suicidal and will react very badly to the reference request. I’ve gone back to the new job (NHS) and explained the situation.

I’ve tried to speak to the lady I work with and she hung up on me. I’m seeing her tomorrow so can talk it through but I’m expecting her to cancel me (she does this often)

Any advice? I’ve messaged the lady’s social worker who I’m in regular contact with but she’s not responded either.

Thanks in advance

I would have thought the agency should write it. I agree it is not appropriate to ask your client to do this, and she could well be upset at the thought of you leaving and that could surely affect what she would write even if she was able to do it. Hope you manage to get it sorted.

At the risk of stating the possibly obvious, can you have a telephone chat with the new employer explaining this? It sounds like your best bet may be the social worker, who is probably really busy. How long is it since you contacted her? I'm assuming you have other references, but appreciate that 'current employer' is the favoured one. A reasonable employer will have come across situations similar many times.

I speak to the social worker every week so she may well be best placed to do it. Move tried to call the new employer but no answer (it’s been a very slow process from application to offer)

I don't think a poor reference would reflect badly on you if written by the lady; it's well known that people with mental health difficulties do not like change, and she may not handle this situation that well.

I would also not expect her to write the reference though. How about a family member or a friend of the lady?

It doesn't sound reasonable of the agency but I guess you can't force them to do it. I agree, speak to the NHS. Given the numbers they employ I'm sure you are not the first recruit they have had this problem with. Will they accept a previous employer? Or possibly two personal references instead?

Forgot to say very well done on the new job and good luck

The agency just need to confirm the dates you worked there surely?

If the agency are your employer then they definitely need to give the reference. Do they have an HR department to raise this to?

The lady I work for doesn’t really have family (one illiterate uncle) and she doesn’t have friends either. The agency have been useless from day 1 for many reasons and I’ll be glad to be out of there, if I can get this bloody reference.

I wouldn't push it with the agency, you're not going to get a better result from the sound of it. If new job contacts them by phone, they will no doubt see the problems you are having. Can you email new employer, with a none blaming just factually accurate version of what you've said here? I think I mean that I would be more candid in a phone call, more reserved in an email.

I have emailed and explained the agency I’ve said it’s not their place to give a reference and that they need to speak to the lady I work with. She can’t read or write well and it seems inappropriate for me to do it.
I’ll hope they hold of the social worker tomorrow and she and the lady I work with van hopefully complete it together.

It’s going to cause all sorts of drama though and it wouldn’t surprise me if it sets off an episode for her.

What a mess. It’s a job I want and I can do it alongside my job with this lady initially l, but I won’t be able to get that across to her. She’ll see it as another abandonment

I know it sounds complicated, but so long as you are being fair, you don't owe her a lifelong commitment. Would you be willing to keep in touch with her occasionally? Without it being too stressful? That might be a plan.

I know I don’t have to stick around and I only have because she has nobody else. She has started to be a bit too difficult and the reason why I’ve looked elsewhere. She’s ignored me since I called her this morning so tomorrow might be hard work

Ah, yes, I see your difficulty.

She cancelled me yesterday as I expected she would.
I can’t get through to HR for the new job but occupational health have called to book my Hepatitis vaccination programme so it’s still moving forward 😊

She's making it difficult isn't she Sounds like you'll soon be in the new job.

Are you salaried through the agency? Did they employ you to look after their client, and is your contract with them?

All they need to do is confirm your employment dates for a basic reference.