Four year old being a nightmare on play dates!

[Rainallnight]

My DD is very sociable and gets on well with lots of kids in Reception.

We’ve had a couple of garden play dates over the Easter holidays and she’s been a nightmare!

Not sharing, snatching, only playing what she wants to play, not joining in with her friend and then announcing they’re not friends any more.

I have been tearing my hair out.

Is anyone else’s kid like this? Is it a post lockdown thing, because we’ve not had people here for a year??

It might be because of lockdown, it might be she finds it hard on an individual's territory rather than at school, it might just be because she's four! It might be worth having playdates on neutral territory for a while instead and before planning the next one at home, practise with her so she has more of a feel of what it's like if someone snatches etc.

She may find it easier take part in a parallel semi-organised activity with a friend instead of complete free play. You could try something like Playdoh, making cookies (if you have a table outside), painting with paint or water painting a fence etc.

Agree it maybe the result of lockdown and not sharing 'her' space and toys for nearly a year on any regular basis.

Maybe arrange to meet up somewhere neutral? Just mention to whoever you meet that dd is going though a difficult phase and you are dealing with it and will leave if needs be.

I've never judged kids for being kids. Only parents for not being parents!

Could you try preparing her before friends come round? Make clear that we share with our friends, but it's ok not to want to share very precious things. So take an hour or so before friends arrive to put away anything she doesn't want to share and take time to choose things that are more fun to do together?

Totally normal after lockdown. There was a thread by teachers a couple of weeks ago and many said children were re-learning their social skills.

Adults are going to have to too.

Thanks very much, all! It’s good to hear it’s not completely outrageously abnormal.

@dannydierismydad yes, I think I could do more prep. I often do this before tricky situations and she responds really well to it. I think I just thought the play dates would be straightforward because she gets on so well with them in school. I know better now!

(And I know it’s genuinely fine in school because I’ve asked her teacher specifically about social skills, getting on well with people etc and the feedback is really positive).

@SE13Mummy I’d planned an activity for today which they did for approximately six minutes before getting bored and running away. I probably need to have more up my sleeve - I could be out of practice too!

Today I gave her a massive talking to while her friend was still here and told her that if she wasn’t kind and didn’t play with her friend, I’d call friend’s mum and to get her to take her home. She shaped up completely after that and the sat down to do play doh very happily together and then the rest of it went brilliantly.

It’s hard work when they get a social life!

It’s hard work when they get a social life!

It's an easier life when it doesn't involve you facilitating it.

Another idea to prepare her is talk about what she wants to do with friend, what toys etc and get those out. Gives her a sense that the things she's not ready to share yet are safe and away and gives her the sense of control over what she's sharing.

Mine wasn't like that but apparently I was! My parents stopped taking me to people's houses around that age (and my mother never let me forget it).

Your daughter will outgrow this, honestly. It isn't unusual.