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I can't cope with this level of stress

6 replies

echiladana · 05/04/2021 22:27

Just that really. I feel like one thing is coming for me after another at the moment and I cannot cope any more. I feel like my body wants to shut itself down. My DM died nearly a year ago and probate is going on and on and on because alongside me and my half sister (step dad is still alive) she also made her brother an executor of the will. My uncle has been impossibly difficult throughout the whole thing, accusing us of lying and hiding money and mistreating my step dad and all sorts of things that are completely and utterly unfounded. I am suffering a chronic illness that there is no understanding of and no effective treatment for, it leaves me in daily pain and discomfort but because it will not kill me basically no one gives a shit. I cannot work because of it but my sick leave will soon run out and I will almost certainly lose my job. I won't get benefits because I can still dress and feed myself but I am incapable of working due to my condition. I need to sell my house but I cannot cope with the stress and upheaval (stress aggravates my condition to a massive degree). My DD is in an abusive relationship, has mental health problems and needs a lot of support from me which of course I am happy to give. My other DD is supportive but has young children of her own and I do not want to be a burden to her. I feel I should be enjoying my children and grandchildren right now and instead I am under huge financial stress, huge emotional stress locked in this impossible battle with a toxic relative (and I cannot walk away from the situation legally because I am an executor) and on top of everything else my body feels like it has given up on me.

I am sorry if this post sounds woe is me but I am just at the end of my tether. Every morning I wake up dreading that something else shit is about to happen. I just feel like I have had a completely shit life from start to finish. I spent my early childhood being abused by my "D"F, endured severe physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my first husband, managed to leave and had my daughters with my lovely second DH. He died when they were young, I had to work two jobs to keep us in our home, he had no life insurance due to a pre existing condition so we were hugely in debt as he was ill and unable to work for a long time before he died. My youngest DD has been severely mentally unwell since her early teens and has been in and out of hospital with anorexia amongst other things, has two suicide attempts and is now in an abusive relationship so the worry about her is constant.

I just feel so lost and so shit. This thing with my uncle has affected me so much because I always had a good relationship with him and he was like a dad to me at one point as mine was so awful. now hes accusing me of the most awful things and has turned that side of the family completely against me.

I just want it all to stop. I can't cope any more. I have tried therapy, I have tried anti depressants but it doesn't matter, it is just too much for one person to cope with.

I just wanted to write it down.

OP posts:
Piffyonarockbun · 05/04/2021 22:54

You have a huge amount going on. Im not surprised therapy isn't helping as a lot of it is external stressors. You cannot control how your uncle behaves, only your reactions. I didn't want to leave you unanswered. I find that if I'm feeling completely overwhelmed writing it down helps. Talking it through in person with someone can also help. Do you have any friends you can talk to?
There are things in your list you can control but lots you can't so I don't blame you for feeling lost.
Hopefully someone wiser will come along soon with some good advice. I just didn't want you to feel alone Flowers

echiladana · 06/04/2021 13:36

Thank you so much for replying. Everything just feels so hopeless and out of control.

OP posts:
furrypesto · 06/04/2021 13:58

Ah, that sounds so utterly draining and painful. I get a sense that you don't feel you have a safe space, any refuge (and because of your abusive childhood have possibly always felt this way?). Just reading your post puts me in mind of constantly being in fight or flight and if that is the case your body will be flooding with hormones which are going to have a real impact on your mental and physical health.

I would say that just because you can wash and feed yourself doesn't mean you are not entitled to benefits as assessment needs to take into account fluctuations throughout the day and I would strongly recommend you get some independent advice as to what you may be entitled to. Many factors can help in the process such as a supportive GP/consultant, formal diagnoses and finding someone who can help fill out forms who understands the process etc. Do you have, or can get, any of those? If not, you may have to push and be assertive which I know is very hard when you feel so beaten down by life.

I feel if you could find someone who could just lighten the load a little, who could help with one aspect that would be really beneficial - though I know it is easier said than done.

I do understand that feeling of hopelessness and the sense of life being out of control. Your family situation sounds incredibly painful and there must be such a sense of betrayal from those you have depended on throughout your life who have hurt you Flowers

Do you have anyone who could be a support? I myself recognise a lot of your experience in my own life and I do understand how overwhelming it can all get.

Chipsahoy · 06/04/2021 14:10

You don’t have to remain an executor I don’t think? You can give up the rights through a solicitor. Someone who knows more might be able to advise?

echiladana · 06/04/2021 15:15

Unfortunately I am not legally allowed to resign as executor as I have already "intermeddled" in the estate. I was prepared for all three of us to resign and appoint a solicitor to so the lot but my uncle wouldn't agree. If my sister and I get a solicitor to represent us it gets very expensive and we can't afford it, and my SD will not agree for it to come from the estate.

I just feel like I have taken a beating literally and metaphorically from all sides my entire life and I don't understand why. I feel so sad for my darling DD. I feel so ill. I feel so hurt and betrayed by my uncle. I feel so worried about money and my ability to work long term with this illness.

I will take advice re benefits. I just can't face another battle.

OP posts:
battybirdwoman · 09/04/2023 13:29

I came across this thread today while googling emotional stress. I'm so sorry to hear your story and wonder how you are. With love xx

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