Just that really. I feel like one thing is coming for me after another at the moment and I cannot cope any more. I feel like my body wants to shut itself down. My DM died nearly a year ago and probate is going on and on and on because alongside me and my half sister (step dad is still alive) she also made her brother an executor of the will. My uncle has been impossibly difficult throughout the whole thing, accusing us of lying and hiding money and mistreating my step dad and all sorts of things that are completely and utterly unfounded. I am suffering a chronic illness that there is no understanding of and no effective treatment for, it leaves me in daily pain and discomfort but because it will not kill me basically no one gives a shit. I cannot work because of it but my sick leave will soon run out and I will almost certainly lose my job. I won't get benefits because I can still dress and feed myself but I am incapable of working due to my condition. I need to sell my house but I cannot cope with the stress and upheaval (stress aggravates my condition to a massive degree). My DD is in an abusive relationship, has mental health problems and needs a lot of support from me which of course I am happy to give. My other DD is supportive but has young children of her own and I do not want to be a burden to her. I feel I should be enjoying my children and grandchildren right now and instead I am under huge financial stress, huge emotional stress locked in this impossible battle with a toxic relative (and I cannot walk away from the situation legally because I am an executor) and on top of everything else my body feels like it has given up on me.
I am sorry if this post sounds woe is me but I am just at the end of my tether. Every morning I wake up dreading that something else shit is about to happen. I just feel like I have had a completely shit life from start to finish. I spent my early childhood being abused by my "D"F, endured severe physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my first husband, managed to leave and had my daughters with my lovely second DH. He died when they were young, I had to work two jobs to keep us in our home, he had no life insurance due to a pre existing condition so we were hugely in debt as he was ill and unable to work for a long time before he died. My youngest DD has been severely mentally unwell since her early teens and has been in and out of hospital with anorexia amongst other things, has two suicide attempts and is now in an abusive relationship so the worry about her is constant.
I just feel so lost and so shit. This thing with my uncle has affected me so much because I always had a good relationship with him and he was like a dad to me at one point as mine was so awful. now hes accusing me of the most awful things and has turned that side of the family completely against me.
I just want it all to stop. I can't cope any more. I have tried therapy, I have tried anti depressants but it doesn't matter, it is just too much for one person to cope with.
I just wanted to write it down.