Boyfriend isn’t over his ex

[PrincessP1234]

I have had trust issues in past relationships and I think it is getting worse in my current relationship.
My current boyfriend still follows his ex on social media but doesn’t follow me on social media. I know I shouldn’t base a relationship on social media but it makes me feel as though I am not good enough or I am being hidden away. He used the rationale of still following her on social media because he doesn’t want to look like the bad one infront of her family and doesn’t want to be talked about (he said this in the beginning of the relationship)
He used to talk about his ex all the time we spent together until I pulled him up about it and he was very unapologetic. Deep down I don’t think he is over her, I don’t know if I am being unreasonable but it feels as though I am second best to his ex.

I don't know what I think about this. I have exes on FB, I don't follow them, they are just there, beside former neighbours and primary school friends. I would delete them in a heartbeat if my husband was annoyed, and wanted me to. I think I might want to know why, in a happy relationship, he would have an issue. FB isn't real life. He has exes on his, he doesn't follow them, he uses it infrequently and tells me so-and-so has had ANOTHER kid etc.

I think I would be annoyed if in a new relationship, my partner was asking me to delete bits of my life that were unpalatable to them, like having a past, and former relationships. If they were insignificant to me, it would be no loss, but if they were still important because of work, or hobbies, or something outside the former romantic relationship, shared kids etc.

Why did they split up?

I think the issue here for me is not that he still follows her, it's that he's not following you as well.
It does seem that he is hiding you.
I wouldn't be keen to continue. I wouldn't want to be hidden away like a dirty little secret.
But it's a personal thing, all that matters is how you feel about it.

I would tell him that you're interested in him but think it's too early. Maybe reconnect in 6 months and see how things go?

It's a shit situation and I know it hurts.

They split up because apparently she is manipulative and they grew apart (that’s what he told me)

We have been in a relationship for over a year, he’s had time to get over her

No expert but maybe he is still on a rebound?

I agree that’s what I think it is

I think on one hand you understand living your life according to social media likes and follows is not healthy, to say the least. And I’m being gentle there.

However if you feel he wants her and not you and it’s not something to do with some social media obsession then you need to end this, no one needs to be second best or a consolation prize.

@Bluntness100 I agree with you social media is not the be all and end all of a relationship, but it doesn’t make sense after we have been together over a year now

@PrincessP1234

They split up because apparently she is manipulative and they grew apart (that’s what he told me)

Following her on social media looks to you, like he's still being manipulated and still trying to get closer to her, have you told him this?

@PrincessP1234

We have been in a relationship for over a year, he’s had time to get over her

If he wasn't over her when he started seeing you, and he hasn't cut all ties, he's not going to get over her by seeing you. Plus a year in lockdown isn't like a year in real life, you won't have had 12 cinema dates, 52 pub nights, 6 BBQs with family, a 2 week foreign holiday, or whatever floats your boats. It's likely that you've watched Netflix, ordered takeaway, and talked on the phone. Do you feel like you're just keeping her seat warm for her? If so, tell him you'll let him go now to try to get over her, and if he objects, tell him you can revisit in 6 months like someone else said, and see if he wants you, or a placeholder girlfriend. My brother just can't be alone, he loves someone to be thinking of him, being devoted to him, then moves on to the next one, while still pining over the one who got away.