5 year old daughter behavioral problems

[Ellie078]

Hi I’m haveing some issues with my 5 year old daughter, she hits me and Scratches me when she’s angry. It’s so hard but I can’t help but get angry with her or punish her or tell her she’s not having a bedtime story. I get such mum guilt and I just don’t know what to do. she also has an issue with clothes at the moment she doesn’t like getting dressed and won’t wear certain clothes. Ends up taking us about three hours to get her dressed and in that time she gets angry shouting aggressive and just doesn’t want to get dressed I think it’s all part of the same issue but I’m really thinking about getting some help. I just can’t see a growing out of it at the moment. 😔😔

You could talk to your GP and ask for a sensory assessment regarding the issues with wearing clothes.

Hi yes I thing I’m going because it’s becoming such nightmare at the moment and it seems to be getting worse. At first it was just leggings now it’s everything. The funny thing is she doesn’t do it with her school clothes and in the winter she has about 3 layers.

Id let her choose her clothes, would that help? My 5 year old is Very style concious and wants to look really good. She is also very sensory orientated so will only wear what feels right. Id be very clear on the violence and say not ok, and be consistent and clear on that, but Id give her choice on her clothes, and make it fun to choose outfits together, would that help? Mine also has an emotion board from amazon to express her emotions, she loves it, she can show me she's cross, we talk about our emotions alot, she's never violent. I think naming and explaining emotions can really help, so if you calmly say, 'it makes me so upset when you are so cross with me', or 'its awful getting so cross isnt it', that kind of thing?? Maybe that will help.

Aww bless her. What makes her angry? What's rules does she break. Do you find it's to "win" or sometimes you have no idea why?
Clothes totally sounds sensory.
How is she out?
How is she making friends?
Do you think she struggles to calm down more than other children her age?

It sounds more of a control issue. If you are getting angry at her then it might be her way of trying to get some control back. She should be able to dress herself mostly by 5 - let her wear whatever she wants, even if you think it is unsuitable. Take a coat with you, even if she won't wear it, then if she complains about being cold, she can put it on. Just try and step out of the argument- it doesn't help diffuse things when they are angry. Close her door when she is angry and let her calm down. Then when she is calm, explain that scratching and hitting are not acceptable.

Hey, they seem some really useful tips thank you. I will look on Amazon tonight for one of those boards. So I have let her pic her own clothes but she sometimes get her self in to such a state trying on the different clothes that I almost have to remove her from the situation to calm her down. I may try making it in to a game or more fun. X I do feel I’m on my own going though it as non of my friends have this issue with their children

Agree with above-yes give her the choice and take in your bag a jumper, coat, warm trousers etc, whatever you feel would be needed. Totally dont engage in an argument with it. She's 5 and in a tricky place of wanting to express herself but not knowing the complexities of english weather/conventions etc. its not worth an argument she will learn.

Then remove all the clothes you know are likely to be an issue - if she will only wear certain leggings and a top/ dresses, then put a choice of 2 out and leave her to it. Sometimes you being there can make the whole situation stressful. Tell her you are going to make breakfast and when she is ready she can join you. Put some music on for her (not TV as that'll distract her too much)

Mine has this and she loves it - it gets annoying that she wants to update her emotion all the time to begin with but shes stopped that now and its just helped her alot emotionally ! www.amazon.co.uk/Happy-Learners-Today-Feeling-Communication/dp/B07NYY9DXL/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?dchild=1&smid=A20FZQ0URZ9FXA&psc=1&keywords=emotion+chart&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzNkdaWjJLRjJYWUNLJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNjIzNzIzUk9BWk05RlVRWEFTJmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTEwMDEyNzYzSkNJSzZPWk5QUTNDJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1617649746&sr=8-2-spons

Dont worry, save your worrying for when they are 13!! Strong and independent is a good thing in the long run! Ye get rid of any stressful clothes, give her 2 options each day maybe, so she gets the choice that could help? Agree, taking yourself off can help alot, go leave her to it with her 2 options and see how she goes! Can be alot of pressure for a fashion conscious girl!

Also mine (5) currently is really annoyingly indecisive maybe its an age thing where they want to make decisions for themselves but struggle with them? Mines fine with clothes as we are quite relaxed but shes indecisive on a lot of things, I do think it helps to take a step back and not let it stress you?

I am sorry OP. It is hard, I have a 6 yo dd and while she is good as gold usually, she does have her moments. Mine won't wear 80% of stuff I buy her :( anything that is scratchy, itchy, too tight around her tummy, too loose, wrong pattern ...etc won't be worn. She ends up wearing pj's most of the day when at home and some rather odd outfits when we go out. I only insist on weather & age appropriate and uniform for school tbh and let her wear whatever she wants within those boundaries.

Everyone comments are so helpful thank you so much! Such a great help. I’m ordering a mood board as we speak and I’m going to let her choose her own clothes and see how it goes. I think it’s a good idea leaving her to it I just hope she doesn’t get too stressed out 😩😩 I hope it is her age and she will grow out of it x

Yes, we call it our 'comfys' or our 'hanging out trousers', but think official names might be 'lounge trousers, or yoga pants etc, Id say go with it and relax into it. There's enough hard stuff with 5 year olds to go with a clothes battle. Ours currently is a sleep battle, theres always something!