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Original poster

Carers visiting, what's polite?

17 replies

Soothes · 05/04/2021 19:10

DH is completely bedbound and we have carers visiting 4 times a day.

This means "people" in my house 4 times a day. I'm quite an introvert and rubbish at small talk at the best of times. These are not the best of times and I need small talk 4 times a day, 7 days a week.

Is it really rude if, for example as I am now, I'm putting laundry away upstairs when they arrive and don't even go down during the 15 mins or so that they are here? Basically carry on with life as if they don't exist, whilst being polite if I happen to be in the room when they arrive.

I really appreciate everything they're doing for DH, but I'd rather pretend it's not happening tbh and on top of that, I am uncomfortable with so many people in our home. I do want to behave decently towards them though.

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 05/04/2021 20:46

Are the calls all for 15mins. Are you going to be letting the carers in each time or providing them with a key safe?

Polite morning etc is fine and get on with your day. So long as they have everything they need to hand they have no need to bother you.

dewisant2020 · 05/04/2021 20:51

I'd say a polite hello will suvice and maybe hand over any information they need to know about DH.
Carry on with your day, they are primarily there to support DH but as time goes on you may get to know them and feel comfortable with them around

Original poster
Soothes · 05/04/2021 21:25

They let themselves in. After this week, I will be back at work, so I'm kidding myself that I'm keeping out of their way because I need to know both they and DH will be fine if I'm not here.

OP posts:

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shinynewapple21 · 05/04/2021 21:31

I think a quick 'hello, I I'll be upstairs just shout if you need me' and then get on with your day is fine , and If the carers only have a brief time to do their job they won't want to spend it chatting anyway

peridito · 05/04/2021 21:35

Flowers OP ,what a tough situation.

And I agree ,it is hard having carers coming and going .

sjfjsnfkdhsbd · 05/04/2021 21:40

You're doing what you need to do to cope with a shit situation. That's completely ok. Don't beat yourself up.

hatgirl · 05/04/2021 21:41

I would just say to them a few times something along the lines of 'DH wants his privacy when your in so I'll be upstairs but just shout if you need me for anything'

After a week or so they won't expect you to be around, and they can shout you if they need anything.

audweb · 05/04/2021 21:43

I’ve worked as a carer. I wouldn’t be offended if you just left me to get on with caring for your DH and disappeared. Especially if that’s how things were going to be. Maybe a hello as you disappear sometimes but I wouldn’t worry about making small talk, honestly, it’s fine.

Mum2jenny · 05/04/2021 21:44

I’d be inclined to put a camera in to see if they actually turn up!!

bigbluebus · 05/04/2021 21:45

Just a quick hello would suffice assuming your DH is able to communicate effectively with them himself.
Carers in the house is always difficult and intrusive. I used to have carers for my DD although we had all evening or all day visits so it was a case of a quick update/handover and we left them to it.

bloodywhitecat · 05/04/2021 21:45

As a former carer I wouldn't find it at all rude. I am sorry you find yourself in this situation Flowers

Original poster
Soothes · 05/04/2021 21:45

@Mum2jenny

I’d be inclined to put a camera in to see if they actually turn up!!
DH is immobile, but he has his wits, he would most definitely be making phonecalls if they didn't turn up!
OP posts:
DaisyDreaming · 05/04/2021 21:48

As your husband has his wits and can tell you if the carers do anything wrong then I would say hello and disappear upstairs. It’s not rude at all and if it makes things a tiny bit easier then go for it. If he wasn’t able to communicate then I would hover in the background

BackforGood · 05/04/2021 21:58

That's perfectly fine.
I mean, I'm nosey, so I'd want to see them each day even if it were just to say hello, or so I could picture them if dh said "Michelle told me..." or "Dave said...."

However, they are on really tight time limits, so they will be very happy not to have to spend 2 or 3 or 4 minutes of a 15min call "chatting" or "passing the time of day" with their client's spouse Smile

Saz12 · 05/04/2021 22:33

OP, must be very hard. Sympathies to you and DH.

A simple “Hello. I’ll just leave you to it, let me know if you need anything” would be perfectly fine. They’ll get to know you and realise you’re happy for them to be in, do job, leave again.

Some of the anti-carer suspiscion in this is scary! If you don’t trust them then insist on different ones, otherwise they’re professionals coming in to see to OP’s mentally-capable DH’s physical needs.

PasstheBucket89 · 05/04/2021 22:39

Why would a camera be necessary? nothing the OP has said, indicates they are dishonest people who need covert monitoring, what a strange thing to suggest.

If they let themselves in, you could just shout, im. just sorting stuff upstairs, shout me if you need me!, that should be fine, tbh, as an ex carer its sometimes easier than a chatterbox who gets under your feet 😁🤭

inmyslippers · 05/04/2021 22:40

As a fellow introvert and carer, I'd rather family was out the way to let me get on with my job 😆

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