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Original poster

On line dating - anyone to help me with a text please?

20 replies

UnlikelybutTrue · 05/04/2021 18:22

I started a thread about wanting to end things with a man I met on an OLD site. We are oldies - he is 70 and Im 60. He is kind, respectful, thoughtful but seems a very old 70 in his ways. I’m a very young 60. He has already said how precious I am to him and wanted to start planning trips in the UK when lockdown is lifted. I don’t feel a spark and this is not what I want. I sent a WhatsApp message saying I didn’t want to be dishonest or to mislead him but that I do not want to take things any further and need to take the time to meet someone. He is the first man I’ve dated (although we have only met for a walk once and the rest has been phone/WhatsApp.

He sent a long message saying he thought we had so much in common (we do) and Im Perfect and he won’t meet anyone like me. That he has only felt like this once before and was married to her for 40 years. He say he does realise he may have been rushing ahead etc etc. He say he hopes we can at least be friends and that he will always be there if I decide to do that.

It’s not what I want (I have good friends). He sent two messages, the second saying his first was from his perspective only and that he’s cleared his head and wants to say he fully understands my decision even if it’s very sad.

I want to reply but don’t know what to say. I don’t want to be unkind. we have been writing for 2 months and met just the once but don’t want him to feel awful or that he’s done something wrong. Any ideas? Thanks.

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 05/04/2021 18:24

I’d just say “I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out, and wish you all the best of luck in your search”. Then don’t respond or engage any further.

Don’t let him hassle you or guilt trip you in to meeting him again or responding to start up chat again.

Original poster

UnlikelybutTrue · 05/04/2021 18:27

Shirley. That seems so brutal though. But yes I can see a whole dialogue starting up again if I allow it.

OP posts:

GravityFalls · 05/04/2021 18:27

I think you’ve made yourself clear already. Don’t get sucked in, you don’t owe him anything; you’ve only met once! He might well feel how he claims to feel but remember there is a a huge incentive for an aging 70-year-old man to hook a 60-year-old woman - I’m sure you have a cosy house, nice lifestyle and so on...you want fun and dating and romance, he wants to tie you down straight away!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships

Dizzy1234 · 05/04/2021 18:32

Yep, you've made yourself clear, it's not what he wants to hear but you've explained kindly that you don't want to progress a friendship.
Just don't answer, you've said all you need to say, full stop.
If you answer he will reply and you'll go round in circles.

Original poster

UnlikelybutTrue · 05/04/2021 18:33

Thanks Gravity. As I said in my first thread I have zero experience of a healthy relationship and always try to be kind. The advice was to say it wasn’t working which I’ve now done. I’ve got this whole reply back. I absolutely think he is genuine and that he does feel how he says. Should I not say what his good points are and that I am sure there will be someone out there for him and that I’m not the only one?

OP posts:

GravityFalls · 05/04/2021 18:36

He will take any kindness of yours as a sign you are actually interested and just need “winning over”. Why do you feel you need to be kind to him? He’s basically a stranger!

Original poster

UnlikelybutTrue · 05/04/2021 18:41

That’s true Gravity. I want to be kind because he seems a genuine, very caring and thoughtful guy and like me has just started out in the world of dating. He has been widowed for 8 years. He seems quite fatherly and a gentle soul. We have written or spoken every day for 2 months so I feel mean not replying. I do agree I have said what I need to say and don’t want a long dialogue with him trying to win me over (I can see this is already starting and he has asked if he can phone but won’t unless I give him permission.)

OP posts:

Justvisitingthisplanet · 05/04/2021 18:45

When I needed to end an online dating relationship (met just twice) I messaged and said that I didn't see a future for us and though I'd enjoyed meeting him I was ending things now before either of us got hurt. He replied once asking why I thought it wouldn't work but I didn't respond to that and deleted his contact details

Original poster

UnlikelybutTrue · 05/04/2021 19:01

I’m going to feel such a shit not replying.

OP posts:

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 05/04/2021 19:16

I’d just reply saying something like “Thank you, and I really do wish you all the best.” And leave it at that.

BrilliantBetty · 05/04/2021 19:20

You have said all you needed to say. Your message was perfect.
And his message was nice enough but it's not your responsibility to ensure he doesn't feel upset of disheartened. It's online dating after all, it is a bit brutal.

A brief 'Take care' might be ok. But then leave it completely.

Laeta · 05/04/2021 19:20

@ShirleyPhallus

I’d just say “I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out, and wish you all the best of luck in your search”. Then don’t respond or engage any further.

Don’t let him hassle you or guilt trip you in to meeting him again or responding to start up chat again.

This is being kind!! You are not stringing him along.

Laeta · 05/04/2021 19:21

And then block!!

Original poster

UnlikelybutTrue · 05/04/2021 19:35

Right, it seems unanimous. I will send Shirleys message. Thanks for the help everyone.

OP posts:

Original poster

UnlikelybutTrue · 05/04/2021 20:32

Sent Shirley's text but didn't block him. 15 mins later he had written a poem titled Goodbye to Unlikely'. I only saw the first line in the preview of the message and then I blocked him. Then blocked email . Felt mean but once I saw he had written a poem it was clear I had to go for it.

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 05/04/2021 20:49

He wrote a poem?! Sorry but ha ha ha ha you’re well shot of him.

Well done OP, onwards and upwards

SelkieBoru · 05/04/2021 20:51

A good line I"ve used in the past is

"'my heart wouldn't be in it''.

Good luck

SeeYouInAnotherLife · 05/04/2021 20:54

Oh poem! Oh dear. You’ve dodged a bullet there OP. Well done for acting decisively.

HollowTalk · 05/04/2021 21:01

An old 70-year-old will see a young 60-year-old not only as someone he can love but someone who can care for him.

Is there a discrepancy in your housing and earnings?

Original poster

UnlikelybutTrue · 05/04/2021 21:40

Hollow yes a big discrepancy. He is very well off and I live in a HA flat on a small fixed income. That was another issue. He likes to travel and in normal times goes away about 8 times a year. Has a cleaner, someone to do laundry.

When I saw the first line of a poem in my WhatsApp preview notifications, my heart sank. I didn’t open up the message because I just didn’t want to see it and feel guilt ridden/cringingly embarrassed etc and then I blocked him.

I’m so glad I started this thread as I was thinking to write a whole explanation but you have all helped me be decisive and stick to my guns which are two things I’m not at all good at.

OP posts:

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