Terrible 3s?

[hatethetantrums]

Hi

Was wondering what discipline you use for your 3yos?

My DS was 3 early this year. He is quite a needy child since he was born in the sense that they need entertaining 24/7. Very bright child. Enjoys nursery and plays well with others.

An only child at the mo hoping for more in the future at some point.

However. We've got to the point where they won't listen. Won't follow instructions. Shouting back. Answering back. Nasty comments. What the usual toddler stuff is (I think????🤔)

I've tried time out. Removal of toys. Leaving xyz place early. I don't like to shout. But obviously we all lose our shit every now again but doesn't happen often.

I've ordered a personalised discapline chart/reward chart with specific goals. But it won't come for another few weeks

What discapline do you use on your toddler and what do you find works best?

I'm hoping the reward chart will help as it's more visual.

I've gone from loving being a mum to a happy (despite needy and full on) lovely toddler to a little monster and I just don't feel like a fun happy mum any more

Sorry v rambly and probably full of spelling mistakes!

Threenager.

Reward charts, routine, and endless patience for them.

Wine and biscuits for you.

This too shall pass - I really enjoy them at four.

Have you come across the books/articles by Alfie Kohn? I thought reward charts, time out etc type discipline was no longer recommended.

Behaviour is communication. Children fundamentally want to cooperate with us - if they don't, they might not have their own needs met eg. their need for some autonomy, control, self-efficacy, connection with you. So it's better to acknowledge their feelings eg frustration when they can't get what they want. And observe where perhaps some need is going unmet. Sympathy OP, it's a hard stage

Removal from the situation, ignoring the tantrum, and distraction (which is not the same as bribing).

So if he is kicking off about wanting cake for breakfast, we remove him from the coffee shop, and talk to him calmly about the dog over there/the interesting truck/something else he can look at, until he stops wailing and joins in with the conversation.

We do have problems with him crying inconsolably when he is told no, even if it is very mild (huge sobbing tantrum today because he wasn’t allowed to lick a pile of pancakes meant for the whole family). Still working on that.

OP I'm in exactly the same boat right now. My DS (3 last month) was an easy baby and a pleasant toddler up until about 6 months ago. He is just crazy. Constantly getting into mischief, carries on when he's told no, laughs in my face when I tell him off. I can't leave him alone for even a few minutes because he will cause trouble.

I'm not a soft parent, I know for certain I'm not, I'm the strictest parent I know. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing works. My 5yo DD has never been like this, she's always been as good as gold so I really don't know how to deal with DS.

I've just accepted the fact that it's a phase and he will grow out of it soon. Hopefully by the age of 4 🤞if not then I honestly don't know what I will do because I'm on the verge of tears some days. For now I'm sticking with the classic ignore the bad behaviour, praise the good. And generally just removing him from situations or taking things off him with a stern "no we don't do that" etc. Oh and, as a pp mentioned, patience and wine

Threenager year followed by the Furious Fours!

My DD didn't bother about reward charts or the naughty step

She does now respond to counting - I'll say to her I'll count backwards from 5 if she doesn't stop what she's doing / do something then there is a consequence once I reach zero - after the first few times when she didn't think I'd go through with the punishment when I reach zero now it does work 🤣

Yep we have a threenager! Just after she turned 3 I read the book how to talk so little kids will listen and it helped with techniques and expectations. I still find it hard with her but it goes up and down and if we have a bad day then I just aim for the next day to be better.