Teen DS and partners daughter

[ArwenTheGreat]

My son is 16, she is 14. My partner and I have been together for 5 years but we don't live together. Lately I have noticed a frisson between the two of them- they've always got on fine anyway but this is something new. How do DP and I handle this?

I might not be back to thread for a little bit as am doing egg hunt :)

Well I would speak to my son and tell him not to pursue her at all. It would be terribly difficult if they have a fling and it goes wrong. He needs NOT to flirt with her. Tell your partner to tell his DD the same!

Yes I agree of course we need to speak to them both. They are both sensible. I think I was just posting in surprise tbh as its not often middle aged woman gets to see teens flirting 😄

They aren’t blood relations so I don’t see the problem. They are going to stop fanning each other just because you tell them to.

*fancying

Definitely speak to them individually about how inappropriate any relationship would be.

Do not give them any opportunity to be alone in a house together (which as you don't live together shouldn't be too difficult).

Really just limit contact as much as possible & hope it burns itself out fast.

@DinosaurDiana I know they won't stop the feelings but it could cause issues if it all goes wrong. Plus I would be on high alert every time they were alone together- I don't think either of them are silly enough to get carried away but I do remember being that age and how exciting physical affection was. I wouldn't want to put either of them in a position of almost being pushed together, if that makes sense.

DSD is only 14 after all- DS is a respectful and thoughtful young man and whilst I had of course expected that sex would feature in his teenage years I hadn't ever thought that it could be something that I would have to be so keenly aware of, with the potential for it to be happening in our home as part of an otherwise family life.

I'll just have the chat and take it from there I guess.

Teenage relationships are unlikely to last- I married the boy I dated from age 14- divorced before I was 30. So even IFthey had a serious relationship it would be unlikely to last and then how would they feel having to spend time together again in the future at family events?

If they've been around each other for 5 years then wouldn't they have an almost sibling type relationship?

When I married dh my dd was 14 and his ds was 16. Dh and I have 5 dc between us and those were the two youngest. Over the next two years their relationship changed until it became obvious they considered themselves a couple. We were concerned but when they went to university they met other people. Eventually they had a very acrimonious fall out which was hard for everyone.
However, they are now in their forties, married to other people with teenagers of their own. They are brother and sister in every way that matters. All will be well.

@VladmirsPoutine as we don't live together and waited a good while before getting each other involved in the children's lives, they have more of a family friend relationship than siblings.

@LatteLoverLovesLattes

Definitely speak to them individually about how inappropriate any relationship would be.

Do not give them any opportunity to be alone in a house together (which as you don't live together shouldn't be too difficult).

Really just limit contact as much as possible & hope it burns itself out fast.

Well they aren’t blood relations and this sort of hysterically dramatic reaction is just going to incentivise them more.

I do wonder if this type of thing is all that common - I don't know, maybe it's just me but I can't fathom having romantic/chemistry/feelings for the sons of the man the mother has a relationship with. I understand they aren't related but without meaning to come across sanctimoniously just because something can be done doesn't mean it should be done.

I wonder if talking to them would help, it might just make the whole atmosphere awkward. I think it might very well be something they grow out of; teens can be very fickle.