People dont seem to be able to cope with reality anymore

[lightand]

Everything has to be happy happy happy.

Not just on MN but in rl too.
Maybe it is just who I am talking to in rl at the moment.

Maybe they are just happy happy happy?

No, it's the opposite. Maybe I didnt word my op very well.

What I mean is, everything around them has to be happy, else they cant cope.
I am finding myself having to have half conversations, as they dont want to hear anything negative, ifyswim.

But it is on MN too. Not meaning any 1 person, or any particular thread.
Plenty of people say things are doomongering for instance.

I find the opposite more people these days are so down and depressed about life and this was even before Covid.
Maybe it's my age group I don't know, but it's all instagram and who's shagging who etc and it's depressing. Or I get my Grandma calling talking about her health and imaginary problems or who's died and it's just very dark.

@lightand

No, it's the opposite. Maybe I didnt word my op very well.

What I mean is, everything around them has to be happy, else they cant cope.
I am finding myself having to have half conversations, as they dont want to hear anything negative, ifyswim.

Maybe they just don't want to hear your negativity, and that's ok.

People are not coping very well.

@groundcontroltomontydon

yep! this!

I think there are a lot of people who in ordinary times are ok, who are struggling. Ordinarily they’d lean on other people who are normally ok, except they’re struggling too. I think the fact that a hugely inflated proportion of people have massive stresses at the moment, from bereavement, illness, lockdown, job losses, general uncertainty, anxiety etc etc makes it very hard. I certainly feel like my support network is all struggling at the moment and none of us have much emotional bandwidth left for other people’s problems at the moment. I don’t need people around me to be happy happy, but I am struggling to listen to any more problems, doom, fear and anxiety- I’ve got enough of my own. I think it’s just how it is in this kind of crisis.

@rainbowthoughts Yes it is ok. But on the other hand, quite concerning.

I am not negative, just ordinary. But ordinary is not ok.
There is positive, negative and realist.

Realism seems no longer ok, hence my thread title.

@Hoppythehippo

I think there are a lot of people who in ordinary times are ok, who are struggling. Ordinarily they’d lean on other people who are normally ok, except they’re struggling too. I think the fact that a hugely inflated proportion of people have massive stresses at the moment, from bereavement, illness, lockdown, job losses, general uncertainty, anxiety etc etc makes it very hard. I certainly feel like my support network is all struggling at the moment and none of us have much emotional bandwidth left for other people’s problems at the moment. I don’t need people around me to be happy happy, but I am struggling to listen to any more problems, doom, fear and anxiety- I’ve got enough of my own. I think it’s just how it is in this kind of crisis.

Yes, well summed up.

I’ve found this for a few years tbh amongst people I know. I couldn’t join in the conversations about what holidays were being booked, weekends away, adventures, nights on the town, so was pretty much ignored in the group. I don’t see any of those people anymore.

@HerRoyalNotness

I’ve found this for a few years tbh amongst people I know. I couldn’t join in the conversations about what holidays were being booked, weekends away, adventures, nights on the town, so was pretty much ignored in the group. I don’t see any of those people anymore.

Sorry to hear that.

I find negative people a complete drain at the moment and do my best not to be around them or engage in their negative thinking or conversations. Why would I? I'm perfectly able to cope with reality but life has been shit for the past year and being positive and looking for positivity where I can makes my life a little better. What's the problem exactly?

@lightand

No, it's the opposite. Maybe I didnt word my op very well.

What I mean is, everything around them has to be happy, else they cant cope.
I am finding myself having to have half conversations, as they dont want to hear anything negative, ifyswim.

Is this a family member by any chance?

Op, I think I’m still coping with reality though. I just can’t quite be the friend I’d like to be to six different people all having simultaneous crises of one kind or another, while going through lockdown etc myself. I do what I can, I’ll offer any practical help I can, but there’s only so much any person can cope with at once. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know what’s going on in people’s lives or only have half conversations or for them to only tell me happy things, but I can’t wallow in the grief, anxiety, illness or whatever with them the way I might perhaps have done in more normal times. Else I’d end up insane and definitely out of touch with reality! It’s just self preservation. My friendship group has actually had this conversation, we all understand.

The problem is "ordinary conversation".

What was say 18 months ago, just ordinary conversation, is now effectively taboo.

Ordinary conversation has to be cut short, and be like @groundcontroltomontydon posted, unicorns.

The problem is that so many peoples' mental health seems to have taken a massive nosedive. That is a problem in too many ways to mention.

I'm a pragmatic, optimistic realist. I don't paint everything as rosy, because that's not reality, and we should be equipped to deal with the bad as well as a knowledge and enjoy the good. Not acknowledging the negative means not dealing with it, or dealing with it alone, either of which is not healthy and prevents growth and strength :)

that post was to @amber763

@expectopelargonium 1 is, but I think the bigger problem is friends. I have several friends, but some of them now, instead of the usual chat about anything and everything, has to be limited.
I am feeling for them, but also selfishly maybe, I still want to chat about everything as before.
1st world problem perhaps, but also, I am a bit concerned that they cannot handle what before, was just everyday conversations.

@Hoppythehippo

Op, I think I’m still coping with reality though. I just can’t quite be the friend I’d like to be to six different people all having simultaneous crises of one kind or another, while going through lockdown etc myself. I do what I can, I’ll offer any practical help I can, but there’s only so much any person can cope with at once. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know what’s going on in people’s lives or only have half conversations or for them to only tell me happy things, but I can’t wallow in the grief, anxiety, illness or whatever with them the way I might perhaps have done in more normal times. Else I’d end up insane and definitely out of touch with reality! It’s just self preservation. My friendship group has actually had this conversation, we all understand.

Fair enough. I understand that. Your last sentence. Perhaps that is something I need to have a talk with them about. Nothing heavy, but to acknowledge the changed situation.

I tend to agree - the myth of perpetual happiness is very damaging and people think they have clinical problems when they are simply unhappy or a bit stressed about not being perfectly happy.

@DoubleTweenQueen

I'm a pragmatic, optimistic realist. I don't paint everything as rosy, because that's not reality, and we should be equipped to deal with the bad as well as a knowledge and enjoy the good. Not acknowledging the negative means not dealing with it, or dealing with it alone, either of which is not healthy and prevents growth and strength :)

Yes. Seems like once upon a time, but really it was only the beginning of last year, friends could cope with anything. Now they are frightened and a lot more unable to cope. I have known some of them for many years. Whilst I wouldnt say they have completely and irrevocably changed, they are wounded, if that is the right word. Sad, and somewhat surprising to see.

Can you give some examples of these everyday conversations? I could absolutely chat about how your kid is doing at school, where you might go on holiday over the summer, how your elderly parent is doing, whether you were coping with the side effects of your new meds, whether you’d got an interview for that job you applied for or whatever. I can’t deal with any more pontificating about what might or might not happen in the future with covid, variants, vaccines, future waves, lockdowns etc. It’s all unknown and I’m sick of rehashing it endlessly. And I long ago disengaged from politics talk with friends, Brexit etc was just too divisive!

@Hoppythehippo

Covid is some of it - everything will be rosy. Guaranteed.

TV - can only watch comedies, or happy travel programmes or something similar.

No one has ever done anything wrong or guilty of anything type thing.