Is it hard to be patient when people repeatedly treat you like crap

[faithfulbird20]

I've had a hard year well hasn't anyone

I gave birth a month ago. Mum has constantly been on my case wanting to see newborn dd and 3 year old dd. Final straw was day before yesterday she barged upstairs and took my 3 year old away claiming she felt like she had released from jail (my DD). Husband wasn't happy & we argued.

A week ago my sister showed me my husbands dating profile online which was inactive and it was from when we separated. I don't think she should have showed me since she claimed we were good 'now'. It was from over 1.5 years ago when we thought we would get a divorce.

I've had so much stress since childbirth. People I.e my own family members have come for me more so than ever.

To top it off I feel guilt and I'm crying because me and hubby had an argument yesterday and we were both yelling. He said some nasty things and I ended up in rage breaking plates etc because I just wanted it to stop. It's not excuse. I'm exhausted. To top it off I've been having suicidal thoughts since a week since my sister told me about my husband. I argued with him but realised it wasn't that he as cheating. I just think she told me at the wrong time because I'm very vulnerable after childbirth. She knew from 2 months ago.

Advise me

Will time heal this rift?

I think you need to take a break from these people. Try to focus on yourself, the baby and your husband (in that order). He can handle your family and keep them at arms length for as long as you need.

Thank You. They including my mother constantly call me everyday. Do I delete them or what? I feel like these relationships are quite a burden. My brother in law whom I thought of as my own brother whenever I ask him for help shuts me down and doesn't do anything.

You need to ring your GP and get referred to the maternal mental health team. You can’t ignore your sucidial thoughts.

From your post it’s difficult to understand what is happening with your family. Did you sister know the profile was inactive? I would be wondering why he hadn’t removed it.

What do you mean by your family have come for you more than ever? I don’t really understand what happened with your Mum. If your family aren’t being helpful at the moment then you need to distance yourself from them until you can deal with them.

I just need a break. Yeah it was inactive but she told me in a way that it bothered me. I also felt scared she'd use it against me in arguments.

Come for me as in it feels like a constant battle between my husband and mum. My mum is always bitching and lies a lot. I hate her. She isn't a good mum. She's quite suffocating. She wants my husband to talk to her and when he does he's bad and when he doesn't he's still bad. I'm sick of her badmouthing him. She badmouths him even with my sister. I just want it to stop. I feel fragile.

She constantly sends food over. I've told her politely and she still sends it.

If I go to the doctors they'll just give me pills.

I feel like I behaved in such a way yesterday. My husband probably hates me. My kids will too. My efforts to rebuild my marriage have gone down the drain. Over a years worth of hard work all gone. He's not going to love me now. Any chance he'll get he'll turn against me.

Maybe you need pills and some therapy. Push for the therapy but there is nothing wrong with the pills.

Tell your Mum that you need some space. Don’t answer your phone or door and tell your husband not to accept the food.

Can your GP get you therapy on the NHS in the UK?

Yes, your GP will be able to provide you with support and refer you to a therapist. Hang in there, you are reaching out to others for help and that is a good sign.

You need to put some boundaries in with your family. If your sister told you in a way that caused you to think there was anything more to it then it was, then she was intentionally shit stirring. Tell your mum you need time to rest and you will ring her on Friday but not before. Reject or block any calls from anyone that stresses you out when you talk to them. Then stick to it. Your family seems to stick the knife into any possible cracks and lines and if you let them, then it will eventually crack you apart. By all means, use as little force as possible but as much as you need! No way should your mum be able to walk in and take a child.