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Original poster

Step children room sharing.

26 replies

Lozzle123 · 02/04/2021 01:38

Just wanted people’s thoughts and opinions ...

10 year old step daughter
6 year old step son

They come live with us every set of rest days (shift workers) so 2/3 nights every 6/7 days.

In the future (2-3 years) we are planning to have our own baby but I’m super stressing about sleeping arrangements.

Ideally we would move so they could all have their own rooms but that’s isn’t an option straight away so in the meantime what do we do?

I feel it’s unfair to make step kids share due to age and genders but then would it be fair for either of them to share with a 6month old baby.

Depending on babies gender it could share a room with step child ...!

I know it is a way off but I’d like to know so I could work towards it.... any help opinions or ideas would be greatly appreciated! :)

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/04/2021 01:41

Parents share with the baby, surely? Until a year is perfectly normal, even longer.

CakesOfVersailles · 02/04/2021 01:45

So your step-daughter will be 12 or 13 when you have a baby?

I don't think it's appropriate for her to share a room with her little brother on a regular basis at that age.

The baby would stay in your room I think. Possibly in your room when your step-kids were with you and in another room when they were away.

Happycat1212 · 02/04/2021 02:08

Why would you put the baby in with them at 6 months, I don’t get why parents do that unless it’s their own room it’s not fair for kids to share with a young baby who will probably still be waking at night, my child is 4 next month and still in my room!

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ChocOrange1 · 02/04/2021 02:34

Keep the baby in with you. Thats totally do-able until at least age 2.

Long term you will need to come up with a proper solution. Are you likely to be able to move at any point in the future, or extend?

FeelthewrathofthesuperRad · 02/04/2021 02:48

Are any of the rooms big enough to split?
Do you have a second living room or dining room?

You could get a good quality sofa bed for you and other half to use when the step children are there.

You could move, extend, convert attic.

You could move the baby/toddler in with you when they are there.

If you can’t covert the room into 2 then there are clever ways to partition the room using screens or wardrobes.

They can share or they can share with the baby/toddler.

I wouldn’t be getting too worried about it at the moment, lots of things can change before then.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 02/04/2021 02:52

Why worry about it now? So many things may happen in the meantime, job relocation, lottery win, multiple birth... Save the stress for another day!!

Bringonspring · 02/04/2021 03:15

Yes agree with PP, stress in 2-3 years time!!!

lunar1 · 02/04/2021 03:21

Baby in with you until they sleep through properly then they can share with the same gender sibling. Your step daughter isn't going to want to share with her brother as a teenager.

MrsPworkingmummy · 02/04/2021 03:30

My understanding is that siblings of opposite genders are not allowed to share a bed room after the age of 10. It is considered overcrowding and inappropriate.

Additionally, if your dsc currently have their own room, you couldn't simply kick one of them out of their bedroom then give it to the new baby. Blended families are hard enough. You having a baby will be really hard for them, especially at the ages they'll be then. Your eldest step child will probably feel really weird and upset about the fact you're clearly having sex with their dad 😊

I think the best solution in the long term is to move before you have a baby. You don't want to start feeling resentment towards your dsc for 'denying' your baby a room, and you certainly don't want them to resent you for having a baby which results in them sharing their dad and losing a bedroom.

jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 04:36

They probably don't mind sharing at the moment but when the elder child is 13 or so, they won't want to. If you have a baby, neither will want to share with a baby but surely the baby will be in your room for at least a year.

A lot can happen in three or four years and you may find you will be able to buy a bigger house by then.

FeelthewrathofthesuperRad · 02/04/2021 04:41

@MrsPworkingmummy I think children sharing a room past 10 only applies in council housing. So wouldn’t be applicable here.

It’s not ideal brother and sister sharing a room in their teens, but if you live in a small 2 bed flat ( either privately owned or rented) there is little choice.

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2021 05:21

Baby in with you for 12 months +.

Then depending on whether the baby is a good sleeper or not can share with one of the kids or you can split a room or you can move house or you can save to convert lift/extend ...

Not a problem to stress about now, anyway! Save as much as you can before you have another DC in the family and you’ll have more options for the future.

moochingtothepub · 02/04/2021 05:46

You keep your baby in with you those nights, one of mine coslept with us until 6

GrumpyHoonMain · 02/04/2021 05:55

Baby should be with you until you get a bigger house. Surely that’s the obvious solution. You can’t make either child share with a baby that young when they stay so often - it would impact their sleep and performance at school.

FireBelliedToad · 02/04/2021 06:55

Baby in with you for the first 6 months anyway. Then room each for the kids and baby in with you when they're here and in one of the kid's rooms when they're not.

Forevernamechange12333333 · 02/04/2021 07:00

I think you are hugely overthinking it in all
Honesty!
In 2/3 years as others have said step daughter will be a teen, she might not realistically come as much as she will want to see her friends / have clubs etc.
Even if she does at 12/13 she will need her own bedroom when she is at yours.

Step son would need his own room as sharing with a baby isn’t ideal at his age.
So baby would need to be in with you.
You could think about moving, but if that doesn’t work or isn’t affordable you could look at a partition wall in the largest bedroom (probably yours) and splitting it in half for the step kids to then both have their own space??

MrsPworkingmummy · 02/04/2021 08:48

@FeelthewrathofthesuperRad oh yes, I totally get and understand that. I only learned of the advice myself when I was given training at work by the NSPCC (I'm a teacher). I've attached a pic OP that you might find helpful.

I think the fact the OP does have three bedrooms means she should really keep each of the DSC in their own room. This is what they know and are familiar with. A new baby will be a big change and I think further change (such as changing the bedrooms) will really sow the seeds of resentment.

I am speaking from experience OP. I am step mum to 3 children. When our DD was born, she stayed in with us for 9 months until we bought a bigger house. Dsd 1 and Dsd 2 had the biggest, master bedroom. DH, me and DD were in a small double with a cot squeezed to the side, and dss had the box room. We actually all lived really happily together.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/04/2021 09:04

Save for an extension or move given it’s so far in the future. It would be unfair to make them share with a baby and they are too old to share with each other.
You may end up with them wanting to come less if they feel pushed out of their spaces for a new child.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/04/2021 09:08

I feel it’s unfair to make step kids share due to age and genders but then would it be fair for either of them to share with a 6month old baby

It is. So you share with your 6mo baby.

Hoppythehippo · 02/04/2021 10:10

How are you “super stressing” about something that you don’t plan to happen for 2-3 years?! Add on babyhood and realistically your step daughter will be 13-14 before this is an issue. Anything could have happened by then - the step children could live with you full time!

Assuming nothing changes you either keep the baby in with you when they visit, find somewhere bigger, split a room, you sleep in the dining room when they visit, extend....

ElderMillennial · 02/04/2021 10:15

It's weird that you're thinking about this now. If you get pregnant, it will depend on circumstances then. You could have moved, have a different arrangement with the kids, different jobs... there is no point making a decision based on how things are now for a few years time when things will be different.

Iwantacookie · 02/04/2021 10:18

Just let them share. Life isnt perfect theres a 7 year age gap between my sons and they have shared since ds2 was 6/12 months old.

SweatyPie · 02/04/2021 10:21

@Happycat1212

Same!

And there's literally no need to move your baby out to another room or nursery. You'll still have to wake up and walk there, settle baby and then go back to your own- in the middle of the night.

flowery · 02/04/2021 10:24

Good grief why on earth are you “super stressing” about something that may happen in a few years, and something arising from that that may then be an issue depending on lots of ifs and buts?

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 02/04/2021 10:33

Yep 13/14 year old girl shouldn't be sharing with a 9/10 year old boy unless it's completely and utterly unavoidable - okay on holiday but not 3 nights a week, every week, until they're 14 and 18! That's really inappropriate. Its not ideal for either to share with a baby/ toddler either especially while the baby/ toddler is waking at night, necessitating you or your husband going in and out of their bedroom multiple times in the middle of the night, potentially doing gradual retreat sleep training or breastfeeding to sleep depending on your parenting type, needing a baby monitor in the bedroom... really inappropriate in a teenager's bedroom.

A new baby born when your step children are 13 or 14 and 9 or 10 would need to be in with you until he or she reliably sleeps through the night if you remain in a 3 bed and have your step daughter and son 3 nights a week.

Very, very few babies genuinely sleep through from being put to bed until the other family members need to get up reliably at 6 months old, nor tbh even at 12 months.

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