Post-natal anxiety/panic attacks & intrusive thoughts

[Mumtotwoxo]

5 weeks ago I started suffering severe anxiety, panic attacks and intrusive thoughts. I had a baby just under 4 months ago so the mental health team think it's related to post-natal.
I'm on 40mg fluxotine and 40mgx3 propranolol per day. I felt myself picking up over the last week or so but now I feel like back to the start. Like it's restarting at the beginning.

I'm seeking advice and support on anyone that has experienced this too?
I know it's a long recovery when it comes to mental health but this almost feels too much to cope with.

Thanks for reading.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this OP. I have had something similar- I got PTSD after a traumatic birth and had terrible intrusive thoughts that made me feel like I was a monster. I know it's a different condition but I'm sure my symptoms peaked about 4 months in.

Are you having any kind of talking therapy to help you deal with the intrusive thoughts and anxiety? That was what helped me in the end. I had quite intensive trauma therapy and now my symptoms are so much better.

@shreddednips are you on any medication? I'm awaiting an appointment with a cbt therapist x

Please ask them also to check your thyroid function levels

No I didn't have any medication, just trauma therapy. It was very helpful, although it felt scary to tell someone else some of the thoughts I was having. I think the CBT sounds like a good idea

There's a book called 'Good moms have scary thoughts' by Karen Kleiman that's about coping with intrusive thoughts when you have a young baby. Might be a helpful read while you wait OP

@Hyppogriff I've had bloods taken and everything was checked and fine x

@shreddednips thank you. I've just finished reading OIT by sally winstone - going to try read it again x

Are you getting out? I found walking really helped. So did the company of others mums. Do you have anyone you can meet with?

@SummerHouse I take the kids a walk but it builds up my anxiety rather than helping it. Did you suffer the same as myself? X

To be honest I think I had the tip of the iceberg. Intrusive thoughts that I once shared with DP who looked at me in utter horror and asked me why I would say such a thing. Massive germ phobia and just slightly manic feelings which included sheer euphoria like I have never felt.

I am so sorry walking doesn't help. Is there anything that does help that you could do more of? I think you are in the very hardest time. Just hang in there.

@SummerHouse does it get better? I read a book that said try laugh things off so instead of thinking the thoughts that came I forced myself to think of a possessed woman and then laugh at it (usually scary stuff in movies don't scare me) but now I can't stop thinking about her and it's giving me anxiety. It's like I can't win no matter what I do 😭😭 do you have any tips? X

Yes it absolutely gets better. You will get through this. I can't even imagine what it's like to go through this at this time. Everything is magnified by the pandemic. Especially isolation. This could be ups and downs with the medication but I think you should call the GP and get an appointment today.

Please don't think you are alone in this. I am some random on the internet but I am rooting for you.

@SummerHouse I'm awaiting the doctor phoning me today! Did you experience such lows that you just wanted to pick yourself away or scream for help even though you were already getting help? X

What helps me is to think of thoughts as just that. Thoughts. Not reality. Try to acknowledge them almost from a distance, separate from yourself, if that makes sense.

A therapist taught me a technique where you imagine sitting on a river bank. As each difficult thought comes into your head, try to imagine it rising up out of the water for a second - but then flowing away down the river. Try not to get dragged along with it. It sounds silly written down but it did help 😀

I also used a book called The Chemistry of Calm which helped a lot with my anxiety. Lots of practical tips.

I wish you well; I rent all to well how difficult that time was.

So glad you have a call from the Dr. At one point I would describe my feeing as nothing, even more so than feeling low. I felt like no one could see me and no one was registering how difficult I was finding it. Almost like I was in a parallel universe. Good luck with the call. It sounds like you are trying really hard and doing all the right things. Keep at it. One day, years will have passed and you will be on Mumsnet trying to find the right words of support for another mum going through this, knowing that it gets so much better, but it's hell at the time.

How did you get on with the Dr? Hope you are hanging in there.

@KBILLY thank you for your support. I've just finished reading OIT by sally winston but I'm going to re read it x

@SummerHouse there isn't much more the doctor can give me that won't sedate me and due to having kids I can't accept that type of medication.
Did you find being on your period changed your mental health and made it worse?? X

Yes definitely still get mood swings around periods still. I will be thinking why am I so sad and unable to cope today then look at the calendar and think that's why. It really helps to know that's why as well as then you know it's a temporary dip for a reason.

@SummerHouse I started mine yesterday so I feel that could be a reason for me dipping? Trying to stay positive today but it's so hard when all I think in my head is 'when will I lose control again, will I ever get better'
Did you question yourself this way? X

This sounds a lot like what I went through after birth of DC2. Have you looked at EMDR therapy? It was transformative for me.
There’s also a great book called ‘The Body Keeps Score’ which is all about the relationship between trauma and anxiety. I know you don’t mention post natal trauma in your posts, but as this has flared up for you after the birth of your DC it might be worth exploring. I think even if a pregnancy/birth/new baby phase hasn’t been obviously ‘traumatic’ it’s still an intense physical and hormonal experience, which can throw up all kinds of things.
You can and will feel better than this x

@PerpetualStudent no ive only been offered cbt therapy? Unsure if they are similar?
One day is ok then the next is like back to the start. Wish it would just go away x

Sending you huge hugs - I had PTSD, severe PNA and PND after my first and it really is awful. I couldn’t bear the company of other mums (or anyone tbh) so groups and meet ups were out of the question.

I never took medication, but did have EMDR therapy to help the ptsd which in turn helped the anxiety a lot. Last year I also then paid privately for IEMT therapy and we really focussed on coping techniques for the anxiety- I’m much better now, so it definitely does improve, although it will also take work on your part to integrate the coping techniques into your daily life. My DS is 3 now, and I have a newborn.

Some coping techniques that help me:

• when intrusive thoughts or “what if” scenarios make their way into my head, I mentally scream STOP at myself, throw my hands up and a big stop sign flips up and smacks me on the head..! How this works is different for everyone, it could just be you mentally throwing your hands up and yelling stop, it could be a big stop sign popping up, a big red traffic light - whatever works for you. Bring hit on the forehead (mentally) with a stop sign is what stops the thoughts in their tracks for me.

• plan your days, to the half hour if you have to. Having a schedule can really help, I even schedule in “tv sit and chill” etc, and tick things off as I go along. If I miss something it’s no biggie, I just cross it off.

• make a note at the end of each day 3 things that went well, 3 things you could improve - specifically related to your mental health

• write down a “fuck it” moment. So when those “what ifs” barge in, you think right back at them (after your screaming stop sign!) so what? Fuck it.

• so very deep breathing multiple times a day. Breathe in for 5, out for 7 etc. Do at least 3-5 times.

• I also count backwards from 10 very slowly if I’m loosing control. Deep breaths and I really picture and imagine each number popping into my head (I use this a lot to calmly get through having bloods done/jabs etc)

• finally, this technique really brings me down, although it takes a lot of practice to get it to a stage where it works right away:

CBT and EMDR are quite different. This article is quite good for explaining the ideas behind each www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2020/07/9884329/what-to-expect-after-emdr-trauma-therapy

I’ve had CBT before for depression and it did help, but for me I have to be quite ‘on it’ identifying the negative thoughts and all that. For me anxiety and panic attacks are so much more physical so I found it much harder to remember all the CBT stuff in the moment! EMDR is much less ‘rational’ in someways - all about using left/right brain stimulation to prompt ‘reprocessing’ traumatic memories - sounded like witchcraft to me starting out, but it really worked!

I think you can have it on the NHS, but I ended up going private, which I know isn’t an option for everyone but it was so effective for me I didn’t begrudge a penny!

I know just what you mean about feeling back at square one xx Be gentle with yourself, it’s a journey