Coping with trauma therapy - how?

[traumaticconversations]

I had to speak to therapist (NHS) about ptsd this afternoon . I don’t want to detail the thing that happened on here .

She was exceptionally kind, and understanding, dealt with it very gently but I’m struggling to cope with the conversation .

I didn’t want to remember the thing that what we were talking about and I spent much of the call with my eyes screwed shut and perhaps stupidly, because I was on my own bed, holding onto my teddy . My overriding thought throughout the whole call was, ‘I don’t want to remember this’ . She asked something, to describe my experience, and I kept saying in my mind, no no I don’t want to be seeing this anymore .

When I was describing it it was as if I was back in that experience . For a moment I thought I was and it was a weird jolt when I realised I wasn’t . I don’t understand what that feeling was . It’s happened once more since . If I think about it it gets too vivid .

It was a very intimate discussion and things I wouldn’t normally talk about with anyone . I ended up shaking .

I’m thirty years old ffs - how stupid that I was sitting balled up in duvet and holding onto a teddy whilst on the phone .

She was lovely but call obviously ended and I’m now sitting wide awake, and not knowing what to do . Sitting on same bed and can’t get memories out of my mind .

I’m trying grounding techniques, I’ve made myself a drink and something to eat and tried to watch Netflix and I’ve texted a friend but it being 4am I’m feeling a bit alone and upset . In pain too which I think is probably psychosomatic . Feeling like I’m going to go into panic attacks . All I want to do is get into the shower and scrub but I’m not sure that will help at all .

She’s not going to be phoning for a fortnight so I need to block this all out so I can get on with things ... how do I do that? It doesn’t seem possible tonight .

Not sure if you want to hear from anyone else, but your posts resonated for me.

I went to see a psychologist with the intent of talking about and, and she was all about the cbt and homework etc.... and then I mentioned that I had started getting flashbacks and nightmares again... and she realised it was going to be a whole different conversation.

Briefly, emdr was astonishing. After many hours of talking people, I felt better after the first session. It maybe worth asking her if she has an opinion on EMDR apps, because they can help you put everything back in the box when you're feeling raw. Even when you're not doing the therapy as such.

Also, am glad you're going to find another space to have the conversations. If you can't go to another building, at least a room that doesn't associate with rest and comfort means you can then "retreat" to the bedroom, hot bath, whatever. Also make sure you keep the homework to a very particular time and place. You don't want to be lifting the lid on any of this over your muesli, or before bed.

I think coming down time is probably even more important when your home on the phone, and finally, yes, it is with her professional scope to respond id toy have been left feeling frightened and unable to sleep. She doesn't need to find time for another session, just reassure you it's normal/ talk to your gp/ whatever.

Oh, not finally!

Do not TOUCH your medicines until your well on your way with therapy. Drugs help you function during this really tough time, and you need to not faff around with them.

Seriously, that's so important.

Glad you have a couple of people to rely on, and that you have help. Remember, though, that sheer is still a human and you are allowed to disagree, ask questions, anything

I completely forgot to reply 😳 but thank you both so so much . It genuinely does help talking it through on here a bit - even just writing it down !

GP rang tonight and I’m 99% convinced counsellor has spoken to her; as her first words were - ‘it wasn’t your fault, ever’ . She said therapist will keep me on her casebook as long as necessary but can also escalate if need be for further support. She said there could be more to come out that I’m not fully remembering which does worry me a bit but said counselling designed to cope with that .

And that because I have a diagnosis of PTSD they can do things to help in eg GP, hospital, dental appointments .

Yes will keep homework to evenings when I’m feeling quite safe - was finding I was continuously going back to what I’ve written down but don’t think that’s helpful . It feels significantly less ‘powerful’ reading it but I think as soon as I start talking again it’ll hit me again . I did find an old email in which I had written down a great deal and can’t look at that again, there’s definitely things I’d forgotten .

I’ll ask about EMDR too, a previous GP said a few years ago that she’d seen that work wonders so it’s maybe worth trying yes .

GP also reiterated down time and not doing the calls from my bed - said she wondered if after the call I could go for a fast walk or a shower, something with sensory feedback I suppose, she said if you open up and then suddenly shut down it doesn’t help .

I’ve had horrendous derealisation since and that hasn’t been so bad today so that’s good .

I get it OP. Had PTSD for years, and found revisiting the trauma both difficult and unhelpful, it just triggered more flashbacks etc.

Different things will work for different people but I eventually tried Havening therapy on a bit of a whim, and it was amazing. It's quite similar to EDMR, so doesn't rake over the memories and worked very quickly (for me). Its also enabled me to go back to talking therapy with a clearer head and I've made some real progress for the first time in years. Made a huge difference not being bogged down with the trauma.

Good luck! It's hard, but worth it in the end

@traumaticconversations

This is wonderful news that you are getting so much support from your gp and therapist. I'm glad this news has eased your mind about not being cut off from therapy if you are still in need. It is a real blessing to know that they understand you need time to heal and they are willing to support you.
You are making amazing progress, OP. I am so happy for you. Just go with the flow of your healing and give yourself permission to take whatever time you need