I feel like no one has ever liked me

[Oreo1212]

I’m wondering if anyone feels the same...and as I’m approaching 30 I’m wondering if it’s a form of anxiety rather than real life.

Ever since about Year 8 (13 ish years old) I’ve always got the impression that people just don’t like me. I thought college would be my big chance to make new friends yet again I ended up feeling disliked by a lot of people. Then at work, same thing.

These feelings aren’t entirely in my head. Small things like, years before trolling was uncool, catty girls who didn’t even really know me would write snarky or embarrassing things on my Facebook, and, loads of other people who I thought were cool with me would “like” the comments which I thought was really two faced. It didn’t help with my trust issues.

I’m not a very loud person, I’ve always kept my opinions to myself and tried to please everyone. I seldom had fights or fell out with people...yet people just always seem to end up not liking me.

I fell out with a best friend many years ago and my other friends from another circle would still be overly nice on social media to her or if they saw her on a night out or something. I’ve never really felt like anyone’s had my back.

The only people I fully trust now are my family, and I’d rather hang out with my sister than my friends any day!

Does it sound like I have issues? Or are a lot of people just dicks? Some people who’ve got to know me have said their first impression was that I’m snobby and stuck up. But then they’ve said it’s the complete opposite once they’re friends with me.

I suppose I’m after any similar experiences or likewise any advice on how to just let it go because my past doesn’t define me.

It does sound a little like you expect “groups” rather than individuals. EG you fell out with a friend and expect other friends to cut contact with her. Some sounds like it happened when you were still very young (eg the FaceBook bitchy comments). Time to let that go and move on from all those teenage friends.
It’s not been a great year for meeting new people (!!) so maybe stop worrying just now and try to form new friendships instead of holding onto people you believe don’t behave like you’d friend should.

I have had many of my friends say on first impression they thought I was snobby and stuck up but then realised later on I was lovely and humble

Same with you a lot of people seem to retreat from me. No idea why, maybe it’s just my face.

At the same time, I would rather have a very tiny amount of close friends than lots of fickle ones

I'd say just stay open minded. What stands out to me is:

The only people I fully trust now are my family, and I’d rather hang out with my sister than my friends any day!

Which while understandable given difficult experiences in the past, makes it sound like you're a bit closed off to other people maybe? I had a friend in the past who was so close to her family it was hard for anybody else iyswim as they felt like a bit of a closed shop.

Most important thing is that you like you. Be comfortable with yourself and you will attract the right people.

This sounds like me 20 years ago. I'm quiet and didn't realise I was coming across as unfriendly and aloof.

At the end of the day who cares what people think of you. If you want to make more friends smile and try and be friendly. I've found that first impressions usually stick as well especially in work situations.

I’ve always kept my opinions to myself and tried to please everyone

If you don't show any views of your own and just try and go along with other people all the time, then you might be perceived as dull or false. And why keep your opinions to yourself? Or are your opinions likely to offend? If that's the case, people can probably get a sense of what you're thinking, even if you're not saying it.

But basically, if you want people to like you, you have to actually let them know you. Otherwise, there's nothing for them to like.

Totally agree with Sniv. There are many people who are so concerned about what other people think that they go through life more consumed by fitting in than being themselves. I had a friend who pretty much agreed with almost everything I said. I drifted away from her because I didnt really know her.

Yes a lot of people are just dicks unfortunately! I know it sounds cheesy but self love really does need to come first. & I think there is nothing wrong with spending time with family if they are who make you happy. You shouldn't give your time and energy to people who don't deserve it. There are lots of inspiring women if you look for them who talk about having boundaries and might boost your self esteem. I use Instagram and follow people there.

Agree with pp you have to show people who you really are. Then if they don't like you 🤷‍♀️ it doesn't really matter. Not everyone can like everyone. You don't actually want to waste time on people that aren't compatible with you.