Really bad imposter syndrome

[Icenii]

Or I am just really shit.

I've read the articles and books but has anyone come clean to their manager on how they are feeling and gotten good support?

Kicked in about 2 years ago when culture at my old organisation took a turn for the worse. I moved into the civil service 8 months ago, and working in a technical male team. They are actively trying to address the sex imbalance. But nonetheless, my confidence is shocking.
Convinced I'm no good. Asked for feedback but when they are positive, I think they are lying. No idea whether to come clean and see if I get any help, or whether it would be a bad idea. I'm early 40s.

If your manager is the chatty encouraging type then why not broach it, they may have felt similar and have some tips.

It is the source of your lack of confidence that needs addressing, if no-one is unhappy with your work then there is little reason to be worried. If there are areas of work you lack confidence in your ability to do, seek help with these or work on shoring up your insecurities.

Why do you think they are lying when they are being positive?

I thought imposter syndrome was when you start a job of your dreams and feel like 'how did I get here'? I think you just feel a bit shit at your job but that's not necessarily imposter syndrome

Individuals with impostorism incorrectly attribute their success to luck, or interpret it as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.

I really don't think my technical knowledge is as deep as the rest of the team, or that I speak as expertly. I am taking an exam in the field, but I feel like the weakest link.

Why do you think they are lying when they are being positive?

I've always thought this. When people say something positive, they are just being nice. I don't know how I got to where I am or what I've done as my confidence doesn't seem as great as other people at all. I feel like I'm resilient, which allows me to push through, but now at my age, when I'm at a certain level, I think it's damaging and self fulfilling and limiting.

I totally get you OP, I'm struggling with the same myself. In a niche area of expertise and I just feel so lacking in confidence despite being pretty good at my job day to day. I was even promoted a few weeks back and my fist thought was "what if people dont think I deserve this!"

I also struggle with any type of conflict at work and my anxiety is sky high. All I want to do is hide under the duvet most days. I feel like I'm putting on a confidence persona every day and it's exhausting!

I don't know what to do next!

I wish I could take my own advice but can you write a list of your strengths? What do you have that other team members dont? It might not be technical skills but you might be better at explaining concepts to clients, you might be more patient, better negotiation skills etc I've also spent a bit of time reading articles on imposter syndrome and really, it's so common - do a Google and read up on it.

Do you have an annual performance review? That might be a good place to discuss your strengths and achievements with your manager and to put a personalized development plan in place.

I think the first year in a job is very difficult for every-one for a variety of reasons. You have only been in this job for eight months your colleagues appear to have more depth and technical expertise because they probably know their jobs very well due to time and experience.

I think quite often people undervalue their true ability and worth because they are comparing themselves to an ideal which when broken down either doesn't actually exist or if it does, it exists because of reasonable factors like time and experience. You cannot become them because you are you and you are still relatively new to the job.

I think you need to allay your fears and I am sure in six months you will feel differently. You don't need to be fearful it is ok to not know things and to be work in progress. There are things your colleagues don't know and are learning .....it is healthy...