Worried about y8 daughter

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DD is in Y8 and obviously the last year has been really tough on them all but I’m worried about her and no sure what to do. I know this is probably typical of lots of teens but she just doesn’t want to do or see anyone. I asked her plans for Easter hols and she said she wants to stay in and relax, which basically means lying on her bed playing SIMS! She doesn’t really hang out with any of her primary friends anymore and does talk about friends from school but doesn’t ever want to do anything with them after school so ends up doing nothing. I don’t know the parents of any of the girls so I can’t contact any of them to organise anything (I don’t know if that would be appropriate anyway.) She used to always have a good group of friends in primary and always up for doing things but just never is anymore.

It’s definitely worth mentioning that she actually seems happy in herself and not bad tempered or depressed seeming at all, so entirely possible this is all my thing rather than hers 😉. I just worry that she’ll start finding it harder to socialise the longer she leaves it and also it’s just not healthy staying in your room the whole time.

Any advice be much appreciated. TIA.

Actually I’ve just thought I do know one of the y8 mums, I could contact her but would that be massively overstepping if DD wasn’t keen? 🤷‍♀️

It's perfectly normal for a child that age to want some time alone to relax. She sees her friends at school, maybe that is enough socialising for her. As you have said, she seems fine in herself and there have been no big changes in her behaviour. It would definitely be overstepping to contact one of the other girl's mums. In year 8 it would be very embarrassing for your daughter!

One of my children has spent four straight days reading so far.

I would try to get her off screens a bit but tbh she's doing nothing wrong.

If she isn't unhappy, I wouldn't worry.

Do you think she'd like to do something with you - baking, gardening, card games, a walk? We craft and play board games a lot in our house which helps us do stuff together even in these boring times.

I have a Y8 DD who is very similar. I worry that all this time at home has shut down her social needs! But I think I am worrying unnecessarily, like your DD she seems perfectly happy, has friends who she does talk about, just wants quiet time at home for now...

I'd step back here. It's far too old to be arranging playdates now and it could just be she hasn't found her tribe. I'd give it some time to see if she makes friends at school and if not then I'd maybe consider something outside of school when things open up again.

I’d remind her that it’s not healthy to spend all your free time on screens playing games and start giving her ideas of other things to try.
Maybe suggest a screen free afternoon for both of you to do something together?

I'm a secondary teacher and I'm not surprised. I think the vast majority of pupils have found the transition back to school tough - they are happy to be back BUT they are really tired and many of them haven't found it a smooth transition. Friendship groups are chopping and changing, they've had to re-adjust to the school day again and things still aren't normal (still have the covid adjustments in place of course, plus the LFT and teachers are in and out needing to deal with isolating/quarantining in their own households so there's been more cover etc). I think a lot of them are going to need time to decompress and get ready for next term. We don't break up until tomorrow and it's a struggle getting through this week to be honest! Just let her have some downtime and don't worry.

I also have a y8. All this lockdown has been really tough as they haven't had chance to make the bonds with the secondary school kids they usually would. Add into that the big dose of teenage hormones and it's a big challenge.

I make mine do some things with me....walks, yesterday we saw friends and played crazy golf, today he's going to grandparents as they are doing childcare for younger siblings.....i'm hoping this will be a novelty as the first time the kids have been there since forever. Tomorrow we are meeting friends for a walk. Friday I'll let him chill. I'd also like him to make us a cake for Eaater. I do keep suggesting he meets friends locally to play baaketball/table tennis etc but he doesn't want to.

Thank you for your replies and good to hear this is all sounds normal. Okay, definitely won’t do the setting up with friends thing. It’s just really hard to see her seemingly doing nothing all day. Agreed maybe getting her off the screen is a start. She said she wants to do some baking over the hols and I’ve got some time off too so we can do a bit more now that things opening a bit. Am sure she’ll get there in her own time. I think I worry most because she used to love nothing more than doing things with her friends, sleepovers (obvs they’re not allowed) and we hardly used to see her after school in y6 and now nothing. It just makes me feel sad (see above about this probably being my thing).

I’ve had two children go through year 8 and I’m a secondary school teacher. Year 8 is a shit year for friendships. They are starting to move away from their primary school friends but may not have quite found their ‘people’ yet. With hormones flying around this can make it emotional too.

Next year you might see her making more friends (let’s face it this year hasn’t been that sociable either) she will get a bit more attitude (sorry about that) but hopefully she will form solid friendship roots.

This happens in a lot of kids her age. She might just be enjoying her own company too which is fine. Hopefully now they are all back at school they will start to become less detached from people :) honestly, try not to worry xx

My DC Yr7 is pretty self sufficient too. Likes playing online with friends but less bothered about seeing them in person.

Have you got family friends you can invite round as a group? We had friends round on Monday and it was great because as the kids can't go in the house it took away the default gaming option - we put out some garden games and everyone had a great time.

It wasn't just the kids, we've all forgotton what to do a bit socially! It's great to enjoy your own company but we all thrive on a bit of social contact so maybe encourage her to invite one or two school friends for tea in the garden one day over the hols? Then she could do some baking for it?

Would also set a limit on screen time so she knows if she games in the morning she does something else in the afternoon or vice versa.

Thanks all. She’s really close to her cousins but they’re literally hundreds of miles away but normally we spend holidays together, so she’s obviously missing them to.

Okay, good to hear all of what I’m describing is normal. Am sure I was the same at her age.

Thank you all - really helpful advice.