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Senior colleague keeps telling everyone how quiet I am :(

26 replies

sheistooquiet · 30/03/2021 20:48

I started a new job a month ago. I have always been quiet and shy and this is my first job after university. I have made a lot of effort to talk to my colleagues, join in with small talk, laugh along with the jokes, etc. In my opinion I came across as average - not particularly talkative but also not completely silent. I know being shy is my natural default state though so it takes a lot of effort and energy to sustain this kind of state, especially when I'm with the same group of 6-10 colleagues all day everyday. I cherish the time where I have to go off on my own to do a task and I can just be silent.

All that effort is not enough though as a senior colleague keeps saying how quiet I am. He asked me why am I so quiet and I just kind of brushed it off, but today he introduced me to some colleagues I hadn't met yet but saying "this is [my name] and she is very quiet". Then he was explaining to us all how sometimes we may be changed into a difference team/office e.g. to provide cover for someone and then he said "for example, if I wanted to move [my name] because she is so quiet!" and laughed. He is kind of saying it in jest but it makes me feel really upset and uncomfortable as I feel like I'm not a valued team member but just some awkward mute.

OP posts:
sheistooquiet · 31/03/2021 21:36

It's a job that is pretty well suited for quiet people. I could probably do my job perfectly well not speaking to anyone at work, it's really not needed but everyone is really social and we chat all day as we can work and chat at the same time.

I was more mindful today and paid attention to how much I contribute in conversation and I realise that I do struggle to contribute to small talk. For example, if everyone is talking about their opinion on something I will avoid giving my opinion so I don't ruin the flow of conversation, repeat something that has already been said or I just presume my opinion is not important so I don't want to share it.

I made more effort to go against that though but I almost felt guilty for sharing my opinion. Even on silly, lighthearted topics like where everyone's last holiday was I prefer to just listen.

I also noticed that when I do speak comfortably with colleagues whenever anyone more senior is near I become very quiet.

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