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Original poster

WTF good news and keep crying...

15 replies

Celeryhead · 29/03/2021 23:30

I'm mid 30s and have had a hell of a story to tell.
Married young. Two ectopic pregnancies, 1 birth, co-parenting situation 50/50 which I heavily regret, a "step mother situation" for DC that made my life miserable, a few unhealthy relationships, one which saw me in financial ruin. Dead end job for 10+ years, haven't worked except for a short stint for a couple of years, owned own house.- forced to sell when split with Ex H, he went on to buy, I got stuck dead end renting. All my savings got spent on living. Generally just awful, terrible choices, luck, karma... whatever you want to call it.

There was times I almost lost the roof over my head. Times when I contemplated not being on this earth anymore.

Today I've had news I may have been accepted on a course, doing something I love but never out 2+2 together = 3 to do as a job.
Also had news of potentially a good chunk of money coming my way.

All good news..

Except earlier whilst listening to the radio a song came on and I sobbed uncontrollably.

Now just went and got into bed with DP and started sobbing again. Then dramatically tried to explain the tears "things might finally be ok..." and when he said he didn't understand me at all, I all but ran downstairs. I've splashed cold water on my face and made a cup of tea.

I feel uncertain, in shock and abit like being told I've won the lottery.

I'm so confused right now.

Disappointed DP hasn't come to talk to me, but God what a drama I am being.

Wtf is going on with mumsnet? It's happy news and I'm acting like my life is falling around me.

I just can't believe after everything I might actually be ending up where I was supposed to be all along. I cant belive life can actually turn around for me and I might be someone and get a "happy ending"

...I dont know why I'm writing all this. I dont know what these feelings are!

OP posts:

Original poster

Celeryhead · 29/03/2021 23:32

*wtf is going on with ME, mumsnet

OP posts:

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 29/03/2021 23:37

Lordy, crying at good stuff is totally normal. It's all heightened emotion. DH found me crying in bed when the Pfizer vaccine was approved- I'm ECV and we were shielding with dc at school .
Best of luck with your course!

pheasantsinlove · 29/03/2021 23:38

Because you're so conditioned to having to find a way to survive shit situation after shit situation, the emotional weight lift of something good happening is alien to you, I would imagine that in a fucked up way you feel you don't deserve this good thing (which is bonkers because you clearly do but you're not used to good things and so in the back of your mind are waiting for the catch). I don't know you but I empathise and this is how I have felt in the past.

Take a minute, take a breath, and good luck

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mineofuselessinformation · 29/03/2021 23:41

I think that might well be relief that something is going your way!
You're allowed to have a cry - it doesn't always mean something bad has happened.

CausingChaos2 · 29/03/2021 23:44

Yes, it will be the relief making you tearful. I hope many more things come your way

Original poster

Celeryhead · 29/03/2021 23:45

Thank you for those who have replied.
It's so nice to be heard. I've not been on here for long but my god what a difference this has made to me being able to talk.

I also lost my disabled dad in 2016, right as my marriage broke down and house sold. I now look after my disabled mum too. Not much in the way of friends or any close family as I cut people off when I wasn't coping. So I've had no one to say this to today... and DP was very lucky to have many wonderful things in his life and very little struggle. Compassion is not his thing.

I think you are right @pheasantsinlove
I'm still waiting for someone to tell me the jokes on me. It's not happening. None of it is real.

I mean, it could still happen. I waiting for space on the course but even that it exists and I qualify to do it, is just... well incredible.

The money is secondary but if that comes through, my life will look totally different.

If it doesn't come through I still can't belive I might one day have a career and be someone, and really do something with my life.

I'm sitting on my bathroom floor drinking a cup of tea and I just cannot get my head around any of it...

OP posts:

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 30/03/2021 00:05

Bless you. You cry your heart out. You've rode the storm now getting to your happy place.

I feel like you feel you don't deserve it. You toslly do. Good luck!

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 30/03/2021 00:05

Totally*

Original poster

Celeryhead · 30/03/2021 00:18

Thank you, I keep returning to my own thread to read what I wrote and the nice replies. I appreciate the time to posters have taken to reply and the reassurance that I am not actually going crazy.

I keep having to take deep breaths, going to try and return to bed soon..

(Disappointingly, DP never did come to see if I was OK so I could try and emote what I am feeling, but what an absolute drama I am being!!! But to read some kind replies has been so lovely)

OP posts:

Original poster

Celeryhead · 30/03/2021 07:53

Just wanted to say a quick thank you again for the late night replies.
I got about 5 hours sleep last night, so I am still exhausted today.
I shall hopefully be hearing from the course today to see if I have a place.

Cross your fingers for me MN...
I feel so nervous.

OP posts:

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 30/03/2021 08:42

Let us know what happens. If it doesn't happen this time then you know you qualify and there will be other chances to do this.
DH is often bemused by my emotions. I like that he's steady and calm. There's a lot to be said for the combination!

Igmum · 30/03/2021 08:51

Good luck and yes I am totally with you on the crying or stunned at good news. That always makes me think of kids parties at age 4 or 5 when the birthday boy or girl would end up in tears because they couldn't cope with it all. It's fine to cry. We have all been there. And remember if it doesn't work out this time it will next. Keeping my fingers crossed for you

BertieBotts · 30/03/2021 08:54

Relief and delayed release of everything being stressful before.

Well done op, it's brilliant you've qualified for the course, that must have been a lot of hard work.

Deathraystare · 30/03/2021 13:42

Yaaaay! All good! Have a biscuit! So good when people actually get good news!

SummerHouse · 30/03/2021 13:53

100% get this. We had a baby who I found out at 20 weeks was very high risk of downs. Didn't have the amnio so spend the last five months of pregnancy mentally preparing. He didn't have downs. It should have been my lottery winning moment but I just felt flat. I then spent six months waiting for the thing that was was wrong with him to show itself. Because he couldn't be healthy right!? Well he was healthy. I had just built a wall so thick to protect me through the shit that it took a while to knock it down. I feel for you op. Rage, cry, disbelieve...then hopefully the sun will break through the clouds...

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