Dd age 7 asked me how to lose weight

[Penny31]

My dd is 7 and over the last year has put on weight. She has got a bit of a chubby tummy and is taller than average.
I’ve tried to cut back the snacks and encourage more exercise and have noticed a difference. She’s got a huge appetite but does like lots of fruit and veg.
I’m heart broken tonight because she had tears in her eyes and asked my how she can lose weight because she doesn’t like her tummy.
I told her her she’s beautiful and strong, I’ve explained about healthy eating and exercise and she asked me to do more exercise with her.
How can I stop her worrying? 7 is too young to be worried and weight, I don’t want this to develop into a bigger issue.

Please advise and be kind!

Calorie count for yourself on something like my fitness pal. If your portion sizes are too big no amount of cutting back on snacks is going to solve the issue, you need to reset them.

Check food isnt going walkies from the kitchen.

Yes good point, maybe I should be more careful with portion sizes

Are you overweight? That will have tge biggest effect on her.

No I’m not but dp is

Tell her that until she is an adult she will be growing, so shouldn't try to lose weight, but that if she eats enough, eats a balanced range of foods and keeps active, she will grow into a lovely teenage and then adult figure. Tell her girls get curves so not to worry when she goes through puberty and gains some weight, because it's normal (Girls gain body fat, boys gain muscle and it helps them raise babies when older). Tell her lots of people are finding they have a bit more of a tummy because they have been less active, snacking etc during lockdown. Then turn her focus to other things she is interested in and away from weight and shape (and make sure all family members are provided with and encouraged to eat a healthy diet for them and to be active). Also, model good body image.

Definitely make her feel good about what her body can do (jumping, running, bending etc) rather than paying too much attention to telling her how beautiful she is because that just plays into that mindset that been beautiful is somehow important. The take a good hard look at her. 7 year olds shouldn't have tummies really. In my area 24% of children are obese, not overweight, obese. So I'm guessing there is a possibility she is overweight and it's up to you to get her healthy.

I’ve checked her bmi and she’s not actually classed as overweight but I’ve been aware that she’s on the chubby side and I’ve made inroads into sorting out. I’m hopeful that once her activities start up, things will get better.
In the meantime I’ll be taking her on longer walks and bike rides. I’m pretty sure I can sort it out health wise. It’s the mental impact I’m worried about. I’m shocked that she’s worried about this at such a young age. It makes me so sad.

Thanks for the advice so far. All taken on board

I'm so sad to read the first response is to check her calories!
OMG - this is a seven year old child!!

Surely just ensuring she has food that's mainly healthy... don't demonise any foods, be active (and definitely don't talk about being active as a means to being thinner - but just because it feels good), talk about all bodies being good bodies, etc...

This is heartbreaking that most seem to think the response is just to count her calories etc.

I would also really question where she's getting these messages from. Does she see anyone at home etc weigh food, talk about diet etc? Diet talk is everywhere.

I would also really question where she's getting these messages from
School probably. DD had a topic body & nutrition. They had to look into a mirror and say what they liked about themselves and what they didn’t. The idea of not liking part of herself was not on her radar before really. Plus several of her classmates put on weight (one a lot) over the past year so I can easily see how it’s now a topic as they’re all together again.

I deflected it, we spoke briefly about unhealthy foods vs healthy and too many snacks etc Concentrated mainly on being able to be more active now the weather is warmer.

It's heartbreaking, the messages that these very young girls are bombarded with. My DD(8) was in floods of tears with me the other day that she was scared that she would become fat and that people wouldn't like her. DD is skinny as a bean pole and never stops moving.

It's not the first time either. At a party before covid (ie she had just turned 7yo), a school friend told her she looked pregnant. She was wearing a dress with ruffles (kind of goth style - it was a witch-themed party) DD was really upset. She's mentioned being worried that she is fat several times since. And to reiterate, she is absolutely nowhere near overweight.

Of course I reassure her, tell her that she's a perfect size, remind her that's not what matters to our friends anyway... but she doesn't really believe me. Peers and social fears are always more convincing than Mum

We don't talk about diet and body weight at home - we talk about eating to be healthy, and sweets/chocolate are 'sometimes' foods.

I really worry about it. So many teenage girls develop eating disorders. And the messages and undermining has already started

Sorry, OP. That wasn't really advice!

I guess just be aware that the messages and the fears may not be because she's actually overweight. (although recognise that if she is, that will undoubtedly add to it). It's shitty, damaging social messaging our girls are already internalising

A 7 year old should not be trying to lose weight. It is entirely normal when a child is growing that they put on some fat and then have a growth spurt and the fat turns into height. You can certainly aim to help her to maintain the same weight until such time as she grows to the right height for that weight. Also her belly shape will be as much to do with underdeveloped core muscles in her abdomen so getting her to learn hula-hooping and other fun activities that use those muscles will make a huge difference.

Talk to her about cultural sexism and unrealistic expectations on women to have unachievable body shapes. Help her to recognise these messages as the sexism they are.

Thanks for all of the advice and input. It’s reassuring to hear that I’m mostly doing and saying the right things but there’s definitely other things that I’m taking on board.

I just want her to be happy and confident. She shouldn’t have a care in the world at this point.

DD stood in front on the mirror last night and said she looks weird. I asked why she said that. She started picking at her skin and said I have weird things all over her body. I asked if she meant moles. No. So we compared bodies. She found it funny you can see her ribs but not mine
Turn out one of the girls had said she has weird things on her body whilst they were getting changed for PE. The are her muscles. She does a lot of sport including climbing and has slightly defined muscles where this girl clearly has none.

Her relationship with food is key here. Don't have her restricting herself but instead make sure she stops eating when she's full. Make sure she's not comfort eating. People always encourage kids to clear their plates but I think this is poor form

No specific advice and hope things improve, but just to say that children's BMI and adults BMI are categorised differently. In adults 20-25 is a healthy wealthy and >25 is overweight. In children you need to plot the BMI on a chart against her age, i'm not sure if you've done this? If you can see a visible tummy and fat she is likely in the overweight, if not in the obese category. Unfortunately our perceptions of what a "healthy" weight in kids is skewed, in a healthy weight 7 year old, you should be able to see their ribs.
Like others said, role modelling and portion size are key. Good luck