I went through a trauma over last summer/autumn. Like lots of people in 2020 of course, but mine had its own flavour in that I was charged with a criminal offence where my long-term abuser claimed himself as victim.
The charge was dismissed by the CPS after I lawyered up at great expense- I never had to go to court - but I'm still struggling to come to terms with it all. It doesn't help that I can't get abuser out of my life entirely as we are locked in a commercial relationship that can't easily be got out of and is connected to my home.
Tough things:
- hearing the police repeat his words was like a nightmare - like he was inside my clothes.
- feeling like the police were at his beck and call (he is ex police - very old-school)
- seeing documents where I was referred to as "suspect" and by surname alone
- being so overcome with the emotions that I couldn't tell my story
- being charged on the basis of a statement by the officer in interview that was simply untrue (the record says "suspect gasps, gestures impatiently and turns to solicitor expectantly. solicitor shakes head" - when they charged me they said it was because I had "failed to contradict" said statement).
- having to tell colleagues/my regulator what had happened
- having to hide what had happened from people locally
- fear of losing my job and place in the world
- physical fear - ongoing
- shame, internalised sense of guilt even though I'd done nothing wrong
- knowledge that he is a serial complainant and will keep doing this
- hearing hard truths from my lawyer who I didn't particularly get on with but who probably told me things I needed to here. For instance - he just looked straight at me and said "this man is controlling you".
- the woman I'd gone through it all with leaving so now it's just me
I know that ultimately I need to get the police to recognise who is perpetrator and who is victim here - that is the only way. But it's hard.
If anyone has any practical advice I would be grateful. If there are police officers reading this I would be grateful for input. I have a wealth of evidence about the abuse but the incidents are more than 6 months old so a criminal case for harrassment is out (I was almost unable to speak for about 2 months - there's no way I could have told the long complex story). I do now have the neighbourhood policing team involved on "my" side but they are only hearing a tiny part of the story.