I think I might be getting dumped...

[JumpOnAPlane]

Long story but I think my partner may be gearing up to dump me.

Without giving details right now, has anyone felt this way?

It's just a feeling for me but a strong one.

I would appreciate any input before I challenge.

Thanks

Well the signs do point to their being a third party.

It’s not definite of course, there are sometimes innocent explanations for dodgy things. But on the whole, our intuitions are quite good and you’ve already picked up on a weird vibe.

This is what happened to me, I was married but he worked away and come home weekends. I noticed a shift, I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly but just like he was on the verge of blurting something out. He spent a lot of time on his phone and would leave early or turn up late. He wasn’t unkind to me but I certainly didn’t have his full attention.

I found out later he was having a full blown affair with someone at work. So my intuition was right. If you are usually a stable, secure person then it’s rare that your imagination would be making things up or projecting.

One thing though - if you spend the majority of your weekends together and regular midweek visits, when would he have the time for a full blown affair to the point they are exchanging “I love yous”?

Is there any way you can do some digging without it being overly obvious? Can you visit him during the week as a surprise?

Personally I would be asking outright, if you’re absolutely sure about what you saw on the phone then how can he deny.

Just confront him! Why lie and pussy foot around after seven years you deserve the truth!

In my experience, if your gut tells you something is wrong, something’s wrong. You’ll need to confront him but it would’ve been easier to do that in person so he can “prove” anything on his phone to you. So maybe wait until you next see him?

I have had the feeling i am gonna get dumped so many times and it’s always been correct. You can absolutely tell when someone’s checked out.

I’d say that if you have that feeling, you are probably right.

Just ask him who J is and tell him you saw the message , stop messing about

@Yikes38

In my experience, if your gut tells you something is wrong, something’s wrong. You’ll need to confront him but it would’ve been easier to do that in person so he can “prove” anything on his phone to you. So maybe wait until you next see him?

Thanks for all the replies - much appreciated.

My friend is here now and we have sat and read through all the different views.

I've decided that I am not going to make any rash moves. I am going to think for the next few days. We've already planned for me to go around to his place Tuesday night for dinner and staying overnight as normal.

Between now and then if anyone has any thoughts about my next move or how I can do some research it would be appreciated - I'm not a natural 'Detective'!

Thanks again for all the comments

You don’t need to be a detective. Just ask him! Do you never talk?! Threads like this are so frustrating.

Between now and then if anyone has any thoughts about my next move or how I can do some research it would be appreciated - I'm not a natural 'Detective'!

Why would you want to waste your time and energy doing ‘research’. The trust is gone, you know it’s over, don’t prolong it.
Just be grateful there are no kids involved.

After 7 years together you should know if he has any female friends called J.
Are you close to any of his mates - çan you have a chat with any of them?
Check his social media.
Tbh you could ask him but if he’s covered his tracks you might come away looking like an arse.
Either way the trust is gone..so mentally prepare yourself.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP
for you

@BakedTattie

You don’t need to be a detective. Just ask him! Do you never talk?! Threads like this are so frustrating.

I'm so sorry you find it frustrating but obviously I am mega pleased you freely chose to comment on a thread that makes you feel negative.

Absolutely amazing.

not much point in taking your mask when you go running as you seem to be ignoring every other regulation about travelling and multiple visitors to the home...

Even Poirot wouldn't have been able to find anything as incriminating as that message.

I'd just message him to tell him it's over. I wouldn't want to do it face to face.

Seriously I can't imagine why you didn't just ask him properly about the text when you saw it . You've been together 7 years surely you can talk

I agree with previous posters - if you can't have the discussion after 7 years together then there's your problem. Not half a text message.

Be upfront with him and just ask - and don't do the weird thing you've done here where people had to draw the issue out of you, just be straight with him.

There’s a very simple solution to this. Ask him who J is and why they were texting telling him they love him.

If you can’t just ask him then you have serious communication issues already.

Let’s be honest, this isn’t like a relationship where you live together so needing to bide your time because of having to make arrangements to move out etc, if either of you dumps the other then you don’t see each other again. The end.

If my partner started receiving texts from someone telling him they loved him I would ask who the hell J was. He’d have to have a bloody good answer for me not to lose my shit and tell him it was over, but let’s be honest here, the fact your partner already said it was his brother is a clear indication that he’s having an affair.

Seriously how much more proof do you need than “I love you” followed by him lying about who the text was from?

"not much point in taking your mask when you go running as you seem to be ignoring every other regulation about travelling and multiple visitors to the home..."

😂 it's a fair point.

OP why don't you live together after 7 years?! You only see each other at the weekends?

Honestly, he's seeing more than one person and that's probably been quite the theme

Hmmmm

I’ve had this situation before. My boyfriend from years ago messaging someone in bed next to me the cheek of it. Saw ‘Emma’ flash up on the screen, and I asked him casually who he was messaging and he gave me his lad mates name. I was very young and naive.

Hidden messages all night from me, I wept myself to sleep.

Confronted him the next morning and he said I was hallucinating and told me to go to the doctors. Then ‘broke up’ with me for being ‘mental’ and ‘controlling’. I apologised and begged for him back.

Cue 6 years of being in a horrible relationship feeling torturously anxious daily with an abusive, lying, cheating arsehole. He admitted it in a fight years later, and a long string of other girls too.

We are sensitive creatures. If you have niggles about it then trust in it.

I’d confront him and ask him to show you the message. If he’s got nothing to hide then he will oblige.

If he already or accidental ‘deleted it’ or makes up another excuse then he’s a cheat and you deserve better. Don’t torture yourself by dwelling on it, find out as quick as you can, be straight forward and blunt because by delaying, overthinking and playing detecting will only punish you and no one else.

I really do feel for you it’s a horrible feeling. Good luck