Aggressive Y1 child

[namechangeaga1n]

There is a kid in my DC Y1 class who often hurts other children. The teachers intervene when they can, but it doesn't seem to stop him doing it again, and of course, by that point he's already hurt a child again. He is SEN and I don't know how much he understands about appropriate behaviour.

On average he does something every few weeks that hurts my child. Realistically is this going to be something she just has to deal with? What can the school really do? There are 30 kids in the class. I asked how her day was a couple of days ago and she showed me her plasters and said she'd just fallen over...she then added, at least x didn't hurt me. Today she came out crestfallen as he'd pushed her down some stairs. Is it bullying if he doesn't understand? I don't actually know what he does understand. Do I just need to take her out of that school? How do I know the same situation isn't going to arise again? Has anyone else had to deal with this?

Realistically is this going to be something she just has to deal with

Probably.

I remember getting upset when my DD1 got hit with a fork..,by a child who often lashed out due to SN. .I went in to complain and the teacher said "Life isn't full of people with no issues you know...school is reflective of life and children learn to deal with these things"

And she was right. The little girl's behaviour did improve a lot...as she got older. If you take her out there'll be another little boy or girl with some issues in her new class.

Teach your DD to use her voice. Tell her it's ok to shout "NO! DON'T HIT ME!" loudly.

This serves two purposes...it lets the child know she's not happy and it directs the attention of nearby staff also. Another thing is to discuss with her the times when he most likely lashes out...it's possibly during transition times...for example, getting coats on, putting bags away, at the start of playtime etc....she might learn to avoid him during these times.

Personally I think it's inevitable that DC get the odd knock or whack at school but if my child had been pushed down some stairs I'd have made an appointment with the class teacher. That could have been incredibly dangerous and I don't think it's acceptable that kids are unsupervised in areas with hazards.

He has SEN not he is SEN.

Honestly, you have to expect occasional issues like this in any class and I don’t think there is a way to know the situation won’t arise elsewhere. It’s reasonable though to complain to school about regular injury to your child - how they deal with the other child is their issue so it doesn’t matter from your perspective if the child understands behaviour boundaries etc, school needs to manage the child effectively. Pushing downstairs is clearly dangerous.

But don’t expect miracles - even if the child has a 1:1 (which is hard to get funding for and even then the funding won’t cover all of it), occasionally things will happen.

Pushing another child down steps needs to be dealt with as it is very dangerous and mustn't be allowed to happen again. You need to raise that with the school.

Your dd needs to stay away from this child - if she is working in a pair with him and can see he is getting agitated, then she needs to let a teacher/TA know. If it's out in the playground, same goes.

This child won't be able to help his behaviour and punishment is pointless. But all the children should be support in keeping themselves safe from getting hit.

I have to manage my child with SEN while my other two dc have play dates. To keep everyone safe I do the following:

• No 'touching' my SEN child or his stuff.
• if he starts to look or sound angry or upset, they must come and get me immediately

I always explain that my child with SEN has a 'different brain' and can use his hands when he gets cross. He can't help his behaviour therefore to onus is on my NT dc and their NT play date to follow my rules.

As said on another similar thread currently on the go, the school have a responsibility to keep your child, as well as every other child, safe. They are not safe if they keep getting deliberately hurt. You should arrange a meeting with the teacher to discuss their safeguarding strategies. I've had experience of this myself when my dd was in yr 1.

"Life isn't full of people with no issues you know...school is reflective of life and children learn to deal with these things"

I'm sorry but that is a piss poor lesson to be teaching young children. As adults we would not accept being pushed down the stairs or hit, so why should children be expected to put up with it.

Being pushed down the stairs is extremely dangerous and the school need to be doing more to safeguard the children in thier care. I had a similar problem with my DS where a child with SEN kept putting his hands around DS's neck, I really did have to have stern words with the teacher to keep them apart and fortunately it hasn't happened since. I did also tell my son not to play with or go near him.

@PomegranateQueen

"Life isn't full of people with no issues you know...school is reflective of life and children learn to deal with these things"

I'm sorry but that is a piss poor lesson to be teaching young children. As adults we would not accept being pushed down the stairs or hit, so why should children be expected to put up with it.

Being pushed down the stairs is extremely dangerous and the school need to be doing more to safeguard the children in thier care. I had a similar problem with my DS where a child with SEN kept putting his hands around DS's neck, I really did have to have stern words with the teacher to keep them apart and fortunately it hasn't happened since. I did also tell my son not to play with or go near him.

Yes obviously the push downstairs is bad and the school have to take responsibility to ensure he's properly cared for....but it's a FACT that as adults and as young people, we're constantly meeting people with SEN or with SN who need to be given some leeway.

@Hoppythehippo

He has SEN not he is SEN.

Honestly, you have to expect occasional issues like this in any class and I don’t think there is a way to know the situation won’t arise elsewhere. It’s reasonable though to complain to school about regular injury to your child - how they deal with the other child is their issue so it doesn’t matter from your perspective if the child understands behaviour boundaries etc, school needs to manage the child effectively. Pushing downstairs is clearly dangerous.

But don’t expect miracles - even if the child has a 1:1 (which is hard to get funding for and even then the funding won’t cover all of it), occasionally things will happen.

yes I was going to point out that the boy isn't his disability!

There will be children with difficult behaviour in every class and every school so i wouldnt suggest taking her out of school. I do think she needs to see you and the adults take this seriously and hear you speak to the teacher saying(calmly and respectfully) that you dont want this to happen again. You don need mention the other child or speculate if he understands or suggest how they achieve keeping her safe. Thats there job. Your job is to advocate for her.
I would say though that different schools will deal with behaviour in different ways and some ate bettter! I work in a school in admin and have had 2 heads. The second head has transformed the school behaviour wise because she put in lots of support in from nuture rooms, whole school language training - even in the office, really effective use of TAs, changing playtime structures and support. Making classrooms less busy visually, changing the way they enter classrooms. Using far more visuals as standards endless things that help and this means incidents are much rarer.

Have you actually spoke to the teacher about it? No one deserves to be hurt by anyone. If she is getting hurt by someone regardless of SEN or not, she needs to be protected.

Thanks. Yes of course I meant has SEN rather than is SEN. I have spoken to the school previously and have emailed them for another discussion next week. I guess from my perspective, my daughter doesn't have a choice - she has to be in a confined space with someone who regularly hurts her and other children. It feels like I'm just telling her she has to suck it up, but that's also not real life on a regular basis. She has asked him to stop, but he doesn't. She has spoken to the on duty teacher who will then speak to him. It is often at playtime, but she can't stop him e.g. running up behind her and pushing her over and then doing that to others etc. It's also been whilst queuing up, in lessons, on the carpet, getting bags etc, but mostly at break. The teacher will intervene, but I don't know if they know the triggers. They may have put things in place to help him, they may have intervened on numerous occasions before he hurt people, I have no idea. He did have 1-1 support in reception but no longer does - I don't know if that's Covid, budget or need. However, he still hurt kids on a regular basis.

At nursery there was the same issue - a number of parents ended up just removing their kids - his behaviour was a lot more aggressive though and nursery did not have the resources or capability to meet his needs, so it must have been awfully distressing for both him and kids who were getting hurt. My emotions are a bit high as although it may not be bullying per se, the impact is the same and I don't know what the answer is.

If anyone has any suggestions I can give to teacher next week, that would be great

The school should be doing more. Your daughter has a right to be safe. Think about what message it sends if you just teach children to put up with it. I wouldn’t tolerate someone hurting me at work so I don’t know why so many people expect small children to repeatedly do so. It sounds like he may well need the 1:1 support reinstating.

How bizarre we expect children to suck up things we wouldn't as adults.