Where is there to go for Mum support & chat?

[hogu]

I feel very alone and stressed at the moment. I'd like someone to head to for some mum chat and help but have no idea where to go.
Does anyone know any forums or websites where I can go?

Well here usually!

You have already found this website which is a start.

There are all sorts of "topics" on Mumsnet. Maybe have a browse of them and then post in whatever section seems most appropriate.

Some are a lot quieter than others, and if you are new to MN then be aware that some (AIBU for example) can be fierce if you are already feeling stressed.

I am on a laptop*, and there is a link at the bottom of the page for "all talk topics" so you should be able to find what you want.

*it may be different if you are using a phone - can't help with that, but hopefully somebody can.

There doesn't seem to be much parental help on here. I've already asked a question about my little boy but had nothing back. I used to post on a Facebook group and there were hundreds of responses but it's been closed now.

I feel very alone at the moment

@hogu

There doesn't seem to be much parental help on here. I've already asked a question about my little boy but had nothing back. I used to post on a Facebook group and there were hundreds of responses but it's been closed now.

I feel very alone at the moment

What areas are you posting in? AIBU is the most frequented and busiest part but can be full of harsh responses, I think chat is probably the next area. If you are posting in the parenting section it isn't well used so won't get as many responses.

The always netmums, but it isn't as busy I don't think.

How old is your little boy?

Netmums was good for this when mine were little ... not sure how busy it is now but it was more set up for helping other mums

I'm happy to chat and try and answer any questions you have. Just drop me a line!

Thank you!
I did post in the parents section.

My little boy is 2 years old and since lockdown he's absolutely petrified of other children to the point where he will just cry if one is near.

He won't go on a park if there's another child there, it's so heartbreaking and I can't seem to get any advice. I even rang my health visitor but she just said to carry on with what I'm doing.

RachelFitzD Community on Facebook seems very supportive

www.facebook.com/groups/RachelFitzD.Community/?ref=share

Maybe look for Facebook groups called ‘Mums in your town’. Might be good to get some local support 😊 do you have children’s centre near you? I believe most are still offering support over phone etc if they aren’t physically open

To be honest I think it's reasonably normal. Both of mine went through phases of hating other people - sometimes kids, sometimes adults. You just have to ride the wave. One of mine when at nursery would just scream if another kid came near, nursery said she wasn't the first they'd had who did it! They had to leave a space between her and another child during circle time.

I'm assuming your little boy doesn't go to nursery/ child care? I suspect my little one got over it faster because she had no choice!

Bumping for you, OP. Do you think anything triggered it? Did anyone have a big reaction to people being too close for digital distancing in front of him?

• social distancing, I've no idea where digital came from!

@Apileofballyhoo Thank you. Yes there was a trigger, the last playgroup we went to when he was just 1 yr old, an older kid shouted at him and made him cry. Then we went into lockdown and didn't see another child properly for a few months, he's never been the same since 🙁

That's awful hogu, it's obviously had a really bad effect on him. Does he watch tv or do you read books with him? I wonder if he saw children or read about them being friends in books if it would help. It's so difficult with covid when nothing is open to introduce him to small amounts of other children, even if he could watch them playing nicely from a distance.

Can you promise you won't let anyone hurt him? Did you talk about the incident much?

@Apileofballyhoo He doesn't watch much tv but he loves his little videos on his iPad which are mainly children playing!!
Yes I always tell him he's safe and protect him.

I don't talk about what happened because I can't imagine he actually remembers it being he was only 1 year old, I think it's just had an affect on him.

DS has had a few experiences that were one offs and had a very negative effect on him. Hopefully somebody will come along with more advice as to what you could do to get him used to the idea of other children!

There's every chance it is not last year's encounter that has had an effect on him but its more a case of him having had no social contact for so long that he now feels intimidated by others.

Do you know anyone else with children? Would it be possible to meet with one friend and their child so the 2 can play together and get to know each other in quieter environment? Will be legal from tomorrow if you live in England

Yes we've met with a friend and her child of the same age for a walk weekly, it's made no difference- in fact he's got worse.

I disagree with you though, I believe it's both the older kid shouting at him combined with lack of contact with other children.

He's fine with adults & strangers etc. Just children he's terrified of 😕

We have a similar thing but my son is slightly older and we're probably going to try and get professional help.

I think your DS is young enough that you can just keep trying to encourage him and it will get better.

Have you been taking him to the park? It's a good place to see other kids without having them too much in his space.

Keep doing the walks with your friend and her kid.

Maybe post on your local mums Facebook group if anyone would want to meet up with their similarly aged child.

Once playgroups etc start again try and go to them - be upbeat and happy when you take him. If he gets distressed there try and calm him down, hug him etc but don't stay too long.

What about nursery for one or two days a week?

But I agree lockdown has absolutely been devastating for little children's social development. I'm worried my son will never recover.

I'm not saying the older child shouting at him certainly did not have an impact but it is very very unusual for a single event of that severity to have a prolonged impact on a child that young with an otherwise loving environment. Even more so if he has been seeing a child/children since and they have not done the same or hurt him in any way.

It is definitely more probable the lack of overall social contact has left him anxious and unsure how to act and behave when there are other children around, particularly when there are lots of them and he feels intimidated.

I also have a 2 year old who will behave like yours initially when just the 2 of us walk into a play environment but then gradually warm to it when I go in with him and we play together. He was nothing like that this time last year, he was extremely comfortable and confident around children, would run in and not look back, but the lack of contact has had this effect. I'm fortunate it's not so pronounced as he has an older sibling he will copy if we are all together