Vipers I ned some advice, sat at work in tears

[dizzycatdance2]

Hi

I have been , to give it its real name , bullied by my boss ova the last 12 months.

I finally brought it up at a meeting on Tuesday and since then its like its flipped a switch and I have felt utterly wretched since.

I've dragged myself into work but when I rang up my local surgery and realised I couldn't take up a GP telephone slot because of work commitments today I burst in to tears ( poor receptionist !) .

this is very out of character for me, I'm very much , get up, sort it out, push on through..

But, but I've just shut down, just cant motivate myself to do anything above the absolute necessary. Usually , even if I feel low it passes in a day .

ATm due to corvid I work alone in the office or WFH so there's no one to see how low I am and offer any support.

My question is , why , after all this time of pushing through the bullying , why now , when the process to resolve it is starting have I fallen apart ?

What was the meeting about? What came
Of it?

So sorry you’re feeling so low

the meeting was my end of year appraisal and I brought up the "difficulties" then , but only briefly, I have another meeting when I'm back from leave in April.

I did rather spring it on my boss, wasn't even sure I was going to say anything until I did.

Thanks

I suspect it's because you have had to be strong for so long, throughout the process of pushing through the bullying and reporting it, and now you have let go of that strength, all the feelings have flooded in.

It's like how you push through until your holidays start, and then come down with some minor illness the moment you stop work - if that makes sense?

Be gentle with yourself - bullying is a horrible thing to go through, and you are bound to be feeling all sorts right now. Is there any way you could go sick, and go home?

Sending you a big, unmumsnetty hug right now. I know how awful bullying is - I was bullied all through school, from the age of 10 until the end of secondary school at 16. I went to Sixth Form College with a lot of the kids who had bullied me at school, but it was as if they grew up over the summer and it all stopped - sadly too late for me, as the damage was already done.

I think you are a complete hero, for reporting this and trying to get it resolved.

firstly well done for tackling it, its very hard thing to do.

But you have spent the last year in a state of escalating tension, you find ways to cope, avoid the issues, you soldier on, keeping a lid on your emotions and true feelings. It exhausting.

Its like you are a bottle of pop being shaken around, you’ve taken the top off and exploded. Mentally and physically your body is saying stop, I need to process this.
Its also a bit like being in shock, you might experience a traumatic incident and it hits afterwards.
Give yourseld what you need, which is rest, fresh air, time to clear your head.
Have you told friends or family, if you havent I would do so and get some support.
I hope things are resolved quickly for you.

Reporting it has made it seem 'real', the first line of your OP is very telling, I have been , to give it its real name , bullied by my boss ova the last 12 months sounds a lot like you've been minimising it in your mind and giving it its proper name has brought the reality home to you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, what was said in response at the meeting?

If you need to see a gp, take the day off, you then see the gp and get a sick note at that point. You can self cert for 5 days, do should get an appointment by then.

thank you lovely vipers, making me cry again !

Part of the bullying was that any changes I suggested , and I mean ANY were refused. and they were good suggestions, not everyone dress as a duck ion Tuesdays.

but this puts me in a fix now, as if, after this is resolved , my suggestion are taken on board I'll feel like its only because I spoke up not because they are good ideas IYKWIM

I feel like I've done my self in with mentioning it.

I cant take the day off , I teach and there's no one to cover. I don't want to let the students down

Perhaps because you did not get any reaction from your complaint and nothing has been ''done'' about it?

@tara66
TBF to my boss as much as can be done has been really, its very early days.

I'll have to see what the meeting after my week off generates.

I'm so sorry OP, my DS aged 38 has been going through the exact same thing and has just had to take a couple of months off sick to cope, it's given him a chance to rest and recuperate.
You put up with it and put up with it and when you finally get it off your chest you just crumple into a heap.
It's only natural. You may have to have some time off.

My boss has been quite concerned ( via email) since the meeting but in the past she's said one thing to me and then exactly the opposite to someone else about me so its heard to "believe" her.

TBH I'm not even sure she knows she's bullying, though that might be harder to tackle.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

that sound tough for both of you.

My worry is that if I take time off I wont feel able to go back, and also if I'm off ( as it teaching) then a huge load of work will fall onto my , lovely , colleagues

@dizzycatdance2 I am saying this in a kind way- if a student of yours came to you and said they were sat in tears, everything was feeling too much and they couldn’t get a doctors appointment outside of class what would you tell them? To take the time out and go right?

So time to be a role model and take this time to speak to your doctor and put YOUR health first just like you would tell your student to.

You're probably feeling rough now because its like piercing a boil, it all swells up then you pierce it and all the goo comes out. You've been sitting on your issues and having raised them whoosh they're out.

Best they're being addressed rather than you fretting. Having ideas rubbished/ignored and generally being pushed aside isn't uncommon in the workplace.