One thing I should have added, the Alzheimer’s Society Talking point forum, for carers of people with dementia, was an absolute lifeline for me. There aren’t often any easy answers, but whatever you’re going through, someone will have been there and will know exactly what it’s like. People who haven’t lived with it usually don’t have a clue, but may often think they do, and their ‘advice’ can be profoundly irritating!
One thing I wish I’d worked out sooner, is that if someone with dementia has got some fantastic idea into their head, it’s no earthly use reasoning with them or trying to use logical argument. They will be utterly convinced of it, so if they had tea with the Queen yesterday, all you can do is say, ‘How lovely - were the cakes nice?’
It’s only a problem if it’s something that’s distressing them. My poor mother once became convinced that she and her cleaning lady had taken my father’s dead body to a graveyard many miles away, and just dumped it.
She’d had a dream, triggered I’m sure by something on TV the night before, and although I’d been there when my DF died, and was there at his funeral (he was cremated) nothing I said could convince her - nor could her cleaning lady - she was dreadfully upset and inconsolable for at least 48 hours.
In hindsight, what I should have said straightaway was that it was Ok, no need to worry, we knew all about it and he’d been buried properly now.
This is the sort of thing I mean.