Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Evenings/downtime when you’ve got older kids

18 replies

skeggycaggy · 26/03/2021 08:53

How do you get this? We’ve been used to sending the kids to bed & having some adult time then, talking about the day, watching adult telly. But as the kids get older & older it won’t happen, will it? I can’t imagine sending a 16 year old to bed at 9pm so we have an hour of chat Confused

OP posts:
UserTwice · 26/03/2021 08:55

Teens have a natural dislike of spending time with their parents and will gravitate to their bedrooms anyway. Your problem will be getting them out again at times when you actually want to see them.

Disclaimer: I'm sure this is not all teens, but the "turning into a vampire during lockdown" threads lead me to believe that this is quite a large proportion.

Thethingswedoforlove · 26/03/2021 08:56

We just say goodnight at 9pm and say we want our time and they can do what they want/ put themselves to bed when they want. Then we go in and say goodnight again when we go to bed. It’s not perfect: but we do get some space. Though you get much more space during the day of course so sometimes this is when they need and want to interact so it sort of depends a bit on the day and what is going on and whose needs are greater in my view.

Original poster
skeggycaggy · 26/03/2021 08:56

UserTwice haha! Let’s hope. My 12 year old still wants to hang around in the evenings but can be sent to bed at 9pm!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
bendmeoverbackwards · 26/03/2021 08:58

I have 3 teens. We all eat dinner together as a family and they hang around for a bit to chat afterwards which is nice. But invariably they then disappear to their rooms for the rest of the evening.

minniemoocher · 26/03/2021 08:59

I built an extension so had two living areas, mine didn't do bedrooms alas. You get used to it though, one of my DD's likes similar tv to me

redtshirt50 · 26/03/2021 08:59

You'll probably find that they'll take themselves off to their room well before 9 pm!

Or they'll be out with friends in the evenings / at a friends house

BouquetsAndBalls · 26/03/2021 09:01

I have 3 teens aged 16 and up. I can honestly say they are in their rooms 90% of the time so 'me' time isn't a problem. This was the case from them being 14.

We have an hour together each evening and then they scatter to their rooms. Surfacing only for food.

Suits me.

Kim82 · 26/03/2021 09:01

I have older dc. Eldest has moved out now so he’s not an issue in the evening 😂, I have a 13 year old who rarely comes out of her room and a 16 year old who quite often just comes to sit with me and dh in the living room, she either watches what we’re watching, we choose something together or she’ll stick her headphones in and watch something on her laptop.

We are still getting our downtime, we can still chat, dd isn’t hard work and she’s lovely company so it’s just not an issue.

I also have a 6 year old and still bloody love it when it’s her bedtime because she’s the one that stops us being able to relax! Coming back downstairs after tucking her in is so good as I know I don’t need to do anything else until I go to bed.

I think once they’re older you don’t need that break that you need so much in the evenings when you have little ones.

MintLampShade · 26/03/2021 09:02

I can't really imagine a 16 year old wanting to hang out with you most evenings tbf. I've only got my own experience to rely on which was having dinner together most evenings but me and DB liked our own company when hitting that age. Either watching TV in our own rooms, or my DB playing his computer games, having friends around at weekends etc...Sometimes Mum insisted in watching a movie together or go out for dinner but they did have to nag us about it 😅

DonLewis · 26/03/2021 09:03

It's the 9-14 bracket that's awkward for this.

We just watched stuff together. Or we said, tonight we want to watch something unsuitable, so off you go!

Mumfordsson · 26/03/2021 09:04

Ours disappear to their rooms early evening and come downstairs when we go to bed! Grin

reluctantbrit · 26/03/2021 09:08

DD is 13 and normally goes up after dinner around 8pm as she loves to wind down on her own, she reads or listen to music.

On weekends we maybe watch a movie together after dinner but we have very different tastes so it is difficult and therefore not really that regular. She prefers to watch TV earlier as she has trouble sleeping if she doesn't have a no-screen time before light out.

Original poster
skeggycaggy · 26/03/2021 09:09

Okay, so this isn't a dynamic worth worrying about for the future?!

The kids are 12, 9 and 5 so we are really used to having that hour/hour & a half in the evening, and DH in particular really feels it is important & after a stand off last night over bedtime when the next day is an inset day, I began to worry about the future!

OP posts:
treeeeemendous · 26/03/2021 09:16

We must be the odd ones, our teens 16&13 don't disappear off to their bedrooms.

An evening without them is very rare.

blissfulllife · 26/03/2021 09:17

Don't worry too much honestly they do tend to want their own space as soon as they start secondary school. I've bought 4 up and not one have really wanted to spend their evenings with us. Then they get more freedom and end up out most evenings.

We've found if we cuddle up on the sofa and have a crafty snog they scatter in disgust 😂

GreenBalaclava · 26/03/2021 09:22

Also remember they can watch most adult telly so you don't need to censor yourself!

Alittlelouder · 26/03/2021 09:26

Yes those days will soon be gone OP. Welcome to the world of pausing your program 1000 times an hour whilst your teen makes many many fridge trips Hmm. And if they're anything like mine, they'll want to have deep chats 5 minutes before you go to bed.

MsTSwift · 26/03/2021 09:26

The few precious programs teens and adults enjoy
Modern family
Schitts Creek
Call my Agent

We watch together and can chat about before the vanish to FaceTime their friends

New posts on this thread. Refresh page