What do you do when your child’s friends are not very nice :-(

[ThePricklySheep]

Middle child has a friend who they spend quite bit of time with, now they’re allowed. They’re 10 and 11. The friend seems to be quite focussed on being cool and will be unkind to other children (witnessed in the park) and very bad swearing at people. Also seems to know a lot about sex and drugs etc.
I’ve been telling my child to stand up for others if the friend is unkind to them. I don’t know what else to do. My child has also started to be noticeably more mean to their siblings and also more arsey to me and DH.

WWYD?

Oh I should add, I’m fully aware my own child might be being a total shit too.

I would be stopping my child from spending time outside of school with her.

I did have to do this when my dd was 11 or 12 and friends with someone who I had real concerns about and one day I witnessed making racist jokes. Looking back my dd actually wanted an excuse to be able to stop seeing her, and appreciated me doing putting my foot down. Never had to do it before or since.

I would be telling them that you can tell a lot about a person by how they behave toward people they don't like. I would also point out that if they were to fall out with you then this is how they would treat you too.

I would tell them that I do not want them playing out with them as they will be tarred with the same brush and the behaviour is unacceptable.

Re behaviour toward you and sibling stamp down on it hard, now. Ask them what would happen if they spoke to a teacher that way or another student how a teacher would deal with it. I would tell them just because you/Dh/sibling are family does not give them free reign to speak to you like shit. And yes, I have teen boys who are actually lovely, thoughtful and polite because I did the above.

Talk about what a good friend is and the difference between good and bad choices, make sure your child knows that behaviour stems from an emotional feeling.
I wouldn't force your child to cut off contact, that will lead to resentment

If a child that young had a lot of knowledge of sex and drugs I would be considering potential safeguarding issues. Can you speak to school?