Wwyd? Issues at work

[JudgementCall]

Named changed as could be outing.

I recently have just resigned from my job due to a number of issues. I have been there 2 years. It's a charity that has lots of safeguarding responsibility.

My higher up boss is an absolute nightmare, really rude, changes processes without any communication, asks you to do one thing then changes their mind and asks why it's not complete among a variety of other issues. They have been there 20 years and all the SLT have known each other for 10 years and 4 (out of 7) of them are married to each other!

When I first started the entire department left (in one month) they gave their reasons as the boss was impossible to work for. No action was taken against boss.

I know I was wrong professionally and I will probably take a kicking for this but after one year I entered into a relationship with a member of SLT (not a married one). It was massively abusive, lots of lies, lots of gaslighting. I had just broken up from my marriage of 12 years and wasn't thinking straight. It resulted in a mental health breakdown where I needed two months sick leave. He tried to manipulate me into staying friends so I didn't go to HR about him. I did reveal all this in a meeting with my line manger although I did ask it be kept in our team as I was ashamed and didn't want everyone to know.

I have to have an exit meeting with HR. Would you disclose everything or just simply leave quietly and save yourself the hassle.

There is obviously more but that the jist and I don't want to go on too much!

No opinions!!

Didn't want to read and run but not sure what your issue is?

Have you got a job to go to or is it so bad you've left without getting another one?

There should be clear processes about relationships between staff at work. I'd expect you would have to declare it to your manager. That's what I have seen at a charity with lots of safeguarding responsibilities. If you don't have those policies then maybe they should look at it. Raising it at exit interview would be an opportunity for them to learn lessons.

What did u want to disclose ?
You had a relationship at work- that’s usually not against policy (esp if there are other couples). The type of relationship is nothing to do with work and is your word against his. Did you report to police? Women’s aid?

Is it your boss? Have you raised issues previously with HR/your boss? If not it will likely be less considered

Sounds like it’s ideal you are leaving, take that as a win . Move on and learn from your mistakes. You can’t make others learn from theirs.
Good luck

Sorry I should have mentioned it's against policy and I'm a very junior member of staff. It's not my boss but he is the safeguarding executive so considering he is someone who displays abusive behaviour could be problematic! I have left with no job to go to I'm just wondering if I have a duty to mention anything. It's definitely better for me (mental health) wise to just leave.

I’m sorry it’s not really clear. Why did you resign, was it due to your relationship or due to the role itself?

Also what’s your motivation for telling. Is it revenge?

How long was your relationship with this person v how long you worked there?

Also who ended the relationship? You or him?

And what exactly are you thinking of saying, I had a relationship with x and then what,,telling them about your relationship?

It was me that ended it when I realised it was abusive it lasted six months. My issue is that the person in charge of safeguarding vulnerable people is actually himself abusive and do I have a duty of care to the organisation to tell them this?
I'm happy to just leave and forget I ever worked there to be honest.

Hey OP

Are you still around? I feel very definitely from other posters. I'm quite surprised by the responses. I've been in a similar situation and understand the context you're working in.

If you're around shout and I'll type more. Take care.

Actually I think it's best I say nothing as you rightly mention Bluntness it will be seen as me just taking revenge (even though that wouldn't be my motivation)

Actually I'm wondering if the OP has a case against them, but I can fully understand her wanting to move on and forget about it all.

Put it this way if I even disclosed our relationship let alone the abusive nature of it he would be internally investigated. If I disclosed it to CQC they would be external investigated.

@JudgementCall

Actually I think it's best I say nothing as you rightly mention Bluntness it will be seen as me just taking revenge (even though that wouldn't be my motivation)

A lot of respect for Bluntness always. But I read your post as saying that a senior colleague had a relationship with you which you feel (in hindsight) was an abuse of power and that it impacted on your performance.

You are now being asked to account to HR for your performance and would like to share that this had an impact on you not to get him in trouble but not to do so is honest? Is that correct?

Yes wellies this summarises it much better than I have! There is also a safeguarding concern for other junior staff (I doubt I'm the first or will be the last) and vulnerable adults of which he is the safeguard lead.

Sorry I should make clear it's not that I think he would be involved in the abuse of vulnerable service users but that he has a moral and legal duty to uphold standards as defined by the CQC. His actions would call into question his moral judgement therefore his reliability as safeguard lead.

I'd bring it up. You might be the person who tips the balance. Good luck

This kind of thing is really hard, work places say they want people to raise issues but make it really hard to do so. I think you should do what is best for you sadly. If you need a reference I would be wary of rocking the boat. If you don't need this I would tell the truth as you see it if you want to. They can make of it what they will. I recently had an exit interview and tried to tell the reason without stirring the pot. I wish I had been more direct but didn't feel I could then. I am not sure it would ve made any difference though.