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Can I ask for a handhold?

27 replies

bloodywhitecat · 24/03/2021 14:54

DP has cancer, the type of cancer he has has a really poor survival rate and we already know his prognosis is very poor. He had major surgery to remove part of his pancreas/stomach/intestine/bile duct during which they discovered a tumour in his liver too which made his low chance of survival even lower. He's been having palliative chemo and on Friday we finally find out if it is showing any signs of working (the appointment has been cancelled that many times I have lost count, he is one of the people who have found cancer services have been badly affected by the bloody virus).

I am scared. I am shit scared. I don't want him to die but we are already four months in to the six months he was told he had but as his cancer is more common in people 20 years older than him no-one seems to know how accurate six months is. I am trying to stay busy. Our foster baby is making sure we are staying occupied but the tension is rising. The idea that he might not be here in the summer is too much to take.

OP posts:
LarryVeest · 24/03/2021 14:57

I have seen your other threads, and my heart goes out to you. It sounds unimaginably difficult. Here's a tight handhold xx

SheepPixie · 24/03/2021 15:01

Another handhold here.
I can’t imagine how you’re managing to hold it together. Flowers

HollowTalk · 24/03/2021 15:02

That sounds so scary. I'm really sorry and hope things go well for you both.

You say he's your partner. Would you be protected financially if you were married?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

WakeUpSchmakeUp · 24/03/2021 15:04

I am so sorry bloodywhitecat.

I hope that he receives the best care imaginable and that you are supported.

HollowTalk makes a good point. Even if it might be too much to think about now.

bloodywhitecat · 24/03/2021 15:09

@HollowTalk

That sounds so scary. I'm really sorry and hope things go well for you both.

You say he's your partner. Would you be protected financially if you were married?

We are hoping to marry soon. We wanted to marry anyway but this has brought things forward, at the moment we are hoping to wait until restrictions lift so we can celebrate with our children (it will be second marriages for both of us), it feels like holding off until the summer is giving him something to aim for but if his health changes we will get married ASAP.
OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 24/03/2021 15:19

Hi

I've been on your other threads and think of you often. I like seeing your name pop up on other threads, just to see you're still about x

I wish there was more we could do, I'd like to give you a proper hug.

Hopefully his age will help him & they'll have positive news for you on Friday.

Have you got everything organised for the wedding so you can just 'press go' when the restrictions are lifted enough to permit it?

How near are all the 'children'?

🤚🏼💐

spiderlight · 24/03/2021 15:54

I remember your other thread - sending you such a tight handhold and hoping for good news on Friday.

StandardPoodle · 24/03/2021 18:34

Another handhold here and hoping for positive news on Friday about the effects of the chemo.

CormoranStrike · 24/03/2021 18:42

Handhold, and utter admiration from me.

You and DP are facing such a tough time. Thank you for still fostering the little one and giving them a stable start.

I hope you get many more months, and a lovely wedding, to come.

Geamhradh · 24/03/2021 18:43

Oh bless you. Flowers
Everyone is hear for you, whenever you need us.

Geamhradh · 24/03/2021 18:43

*here

Mrspimplepopper · 24/03/2021 18:46

Sending a tight handhold to you op

FlatEarthling · 25/03/2021 08:37

I won't pretend to understand how you feel but Mumsnet can be very supportive and we can be here for you to talk to us when you won't want to confide your fears to your partner.

Hope you have a peaceful day.
Let us know how it goes tomorrow

spiderlight · 26/03/2021 09:31

Thinking of you today ad holding your hand tight.

JustDavesWife · 26/03/2021 09:33

@bloodywhitecat I've seen you're other posts and I'm so sorry for what you're both going through. I'll be thinking of you today and hoping that the treatment is working.

JustDavesWife · 26/03/2021 09:35

Your! 🙄

YouAintKingDingALing · 26/03/2021 10:01

Thinking of you both today Daffodil

SoupDragon · 26/03/2021 10:04
Flowers

Thinking of you both today

bloodywhitecat · 26/03/2021 13:45

The news was as we were dreading. The scan shows the cancer is spreading. Chemo will continue for now with another scan in June.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 26/03/2021 13:48

So, so sorry it wasn't better news :(

valadon68 · 26/03/2021 13:53

I'm so sorry, sweetheart. How is he coping with the treatment? I hope he is still comfortable.

FindingMeno · 26/03/2021 13:59

I hope you're both getting support to emotionally face this. I'm so sorry there wasn't better news.

bloodywhitecat · 26/03/2021 14:04

He seems really well which makes it hard to reconcile, before the call this morning he was out mowing the lawn.

Support is non-existent, we seem to fall between the gaps, even our support nurse at our GP practice doesn't stay in touch.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 26/03/2021 14:05

Oh arse 🙁

FindingMeno · 26/03/2021 14:05

I'm shocked and sad to hear you're not getting support. I wish I could suggest something Sad