If you had a serious illness, did you appreciate people messaging you with trivial things?

[PineapplesMangos]

A friend has just been diagnosed with Crohn's disease and is struggling quite a bit. She loves houses and homes and has been so helpful while my boyfriend and I have been looking for somewhere to buy.

She has a big week this week with a consultant call and I can't stop thinking of her. I'd really like to send her a house photo, the way I normally would.... is that helpful or not? I'd love to try and take her mind off it and I don't want every conversation to be about her illness.

I loved when friends texted and messaged me mundane things when I was feeling depressed. Photos of the last shop they had been to, non-stories about the new cutlery set they had bought, where they had been, a movie they had watched. It showed they were thinking of me, did not require me to reply in kind and distracted my mind towards non-sad, harmless thoughts. I often only replied with a emiley emoji or a heart becuse that was the most i could achieve at the time, but my heart glowed a bit every time I received them. Those remained my real friends.

Yes. Absolutely it’s worse when people avoid you because they don’t know what to say. That’s isolating.

Yes, it's good to have a little bit of normality when everything else feels dark.

I think it's different for everyone, but the one constant is that people withdrawing because they're scared of making things worse is what makes you feel worse.

Just don't take it personally if she doesn't reply for a while/like she normally would/full of faux cheer.

Yes, I send my friend who is very poorly at the moment all sorts of crap on whats app, just like I did before her diagnosis and she sometimes sends back "thanks for being normal"

Different circumstances, but I had a close friend who had a string of bereavements close together and was struggling. I used to message her everyday....... but never anything that demanded a response from her.... that way she wasn't under pressure to reply but it opened the door if she wanted to. Some days she didn't respond and on others we had conversations.

Yes, definitely send the house photo. As someone who’s been very ill twice in my life, I really appreciated the people who didn’t withdraw and who just sent me the normal chit chatty stuff. I wasn’t always up to answering much, but those friends who didn’t have any expectations but still sent stuff were a godsend.
Whilst it’s nice to know people are thinking of you, I didn’t want every conversation to be about why I’d been in hospital for so long or when I was getting out or what the future held. I wanted light stuff, chatty stuff, something else to think about. I wanted to know the world was still happening and to believe I would be part of it again some day. Your house post will do that. Once your friend knows you’re thinking of her, just be normal. She’ll really appreciate it.