How do I handle this one - potential child abuse

[Howdoihandlethisone]

Dds friend is 13, she messaged my dd at 2am saying her parents were drunk, there was some drunk guy in the house, and that her dad came in screaming at her and she was unsure if she was safe or not and told Dd not to tell me.

Dd told me when I woke up.

This isn't the first time this has happened (messaging dd with a parent related drama).

This friend has form for exaggerating and blatantly making stuff up, and after dd and I chatted she has expressly told dd that she will deny everything as I said I need to tell someone about this as it isn't the first time she has said she felt unsafe around her father.

I just don't know what to do. Her parents don't speak English and they have no family at all here. I don't know the parents at all. I know I need to tell someone but if she denies it then its going to make her more unsafe (if, indeed, she is unsafe right now).

Any advice in who I should talk to? How i can do this sensitively?

We are in Scotland if that makes any difference with regard to who I should contact.

I am definitely going to do something, I'm just unsure what right now. I need to make sure this girl is safe.

You need to ring social services for area. If you search for child safeguarding and the name of your council you will find the phone number. You don’t need to make a decision about the truthfulness of the girl’s story there are people who are able to collate all the information who are trained and experienced in working out what has happened and what should happen next to keep her safe.

Safeguarding lead at the girls school. Look on the school website if you don't know who it is. Or just call the school office and ask who the safeguarding lead is and how to contact them directly.
They will know the child, the family, any particular circumstances, maybe previous allegations and who needs to be made aware. They will be able to follow up and involve other agencies as necessary.

I did think social services but the girl said she would absolutely deny everything, I don't want to make her more unsafe.

Talk to the safeguarding lead at the school. They will be able to follow protocol to interview the girl. It's not normal to reach out at two in the morning so something must have happened to her - not least she is awake then.

I also think you have a duty of care to your daughter - she really needs not to be woken up at two in the morning. She'd be worried too so I would remove phones at night time for her.

I had a look at the school and there are minimal teachers in right now. The safeguarding lead is off. Would someone else be in charge in the meantime?

Ring school and ask to speak to their designated safeguarding lead.

Cross post - the safeguarding lead won’t be off, just not in school. Leave your number and ask them to call.

As @Thatwenrbadly badly* has said, ring SS, report what you know, not what you assume
Stick to facts, not opinion.
Let them do their job, horrible situation for all of you

But yes, if there are pupils in school there will be a safeguarding person in school

My dd usually charges her phone in her room at night, it never usually goes off . Her phone will be getting charged in my room from now on.

I made sure I have the girls address now so any more 2am messages will result in a call to the police. No 13 year old should have to deal with drunk parents screaming at them.

Hi, there absolutely will be at least safeguarding lead in school. You said this friend messaged your DD- has she still got the messages? Then you have proof of why you are concerned.

I have screenshots of the messages and they are still in dds phone too.

She gets in a lot of trouble at school for lying about various things, so I'm hoping that doesn't impact their response.

Should I email the screenshots?

Maybe you could find the numbers for NSPCC to give to your daughter to pass on in case she wanted to speak to them at any time about what she is going on. She could also call 999 if she felt unsafe, although that might feel too scary for her.

If the Designated Safeguarding Lead is not around then there should be a Deputy or you could raise it with the Head who could forward it on.

On your council website there will be a link for if you are worried about a child. This will be contact details for your local MASH (multi-agency safeguarding hub) you should ring and tell the duty worker your concerns, and keep the screenshots incase they want to see them.

They will follow up appropriately and might well speak to school to see if there are any other concerns.

I'm just really concerned that nothing will be done and I make the situation worse for her and she stops telling anyone about this.

Would the school report to SS or talk to her first? I don't want to make a bad situation worse.

It's very common for children who are abused or frightened to lie. Of course it could be attention seeking. You have no way of finding out.

Contact NSPCC. I spoke to them about something and they were really good - they confirmed it wasn't right and asked me to put it all in writing via email. I didn't hear from them again, so don't expect feedback.

School should ultimately pass on their concerns to the same people.

I know it’s hard to know what to do for the best, but honestly you have to trust that the professionals know what they are doing.

In my experience (youth worker) the MASH staff are very good.

Hi OP , you can ring local Sw office ask for the child Protection Duty Worker . If it is outside office hours you can call your local council and they will have an option to call After hours Social Work team . There is always someone there . In Scotland , it isnt called MASH team usually . ( Children's Sw here ) . Please pass on your concerns . Could be nothing or could be something but it will be taken seriously.

I recognise a lot of the behaviours in her as I was abused as a child as well so I get the attention seeking behavior.

She specified 3 times that she wasn't worried about sexual abuse, 'just' physical and mental. She also said she really didn't want any reports and would deny everything.

I do have the screenshots of the conversation.

I'll email the school tomorrow and explain everything, hopefully they can handle things sensitively and not make anything worse for the poor girl.

@RestingPandaFace

On your council website there will be a link for if you are worried about a child. This will be contact details for your local MASH (multi-agency safeguarding hub) you should ring and tell the duty worker your concerns, and keep the screenshots incase they want to see them.

They will follow up appropriately and might well speak to school to see if there are any other concerns.

Exactly this but just be aware that in some LAs they aren't called MASH (something I think should change - the differing terminology is confusing and doesn't help safeguarding imho).

You have screenshots of the text messages, which means you have evidence to back up your suspicion. Report this to the safeguarding lead (there will be a second in demand).

School will always have someone dealing with safeguarding, even if the normal lead is off. They should make themselves available very quickly if you tell school in the morning you want to discuss an urgent safeguarding matter.

But. You don’t need to go through school and I’d argue you shouldn’t - this isn’t something that happened at school. They will follow their process and deal with I’m sure. But I think you should just phone social services- there will be a duty social worker. It’s not up to you to worry about it she’s lying etc - that’s the responsibility of trained social workers. Your responsibility is to make an accurate, timely report to the appropriate authorities. Let them coordinate with school etc.

School has to have the designated safeguarding lead (or deputy) on site- (or in lockdown contactable via phone) so there will be someone who can deal with it. Then you can hand it over and know that you've given it to appropriate professionals who can escalate it through the correct avenues.