If you feel a friend may be pulling away, ever so slowly...

[TheLadyLovesMilkyWays]

Would you bring it up and ask if you'd done anything 'wrong'?

I have a friend I really care for. Not seen her in person for months because of lockdown. We used to message and email loads, sometimes daily, but over a few weeks now her replies have been a lot slower in coming. I don't know if I'm imagining it or if she is trying to distance herself. And if she is, I don't know why.

Any ideas?

I think if someone is done with a friendship then nothing you can say or do will change that. I would just leave it, don’t always be the one to get in touch but still send birthday cards etc. It is really hurtful though so I can understand why you might be asking questions.

Could she be feeling a bit down? May not be something you have done.

Personally I am running out of things to say to most people, it's like groundhog day. Maybe try to make plans with her for after lockdown? See if she seems keen.

Many are just in their little bubble of life at the moment, depressed and just trying to get through lockdown. I wouldn't take it personally tbh and it's likely they will be back when lockdown is over.

I have pretty much shut myself off am introvert anyway, but probably people I know may think the same. It's not about the friendship more of where I am currently. So maybe your friend is the same?

I do hope it's just how things are at the moment with lockdown etc. I'd hate to lose the contact.

I’ve stopped messaging 90% of my friends or social contacts - what’s there to say 🤷🏽‍♀️🤣

Are you taking time to ask about her? I know that sounds daft but I have a friendship that is just exhausting and they never care to ask about me what's going off and if I say something is wrong just doesn't seem to care. Maybe you are unconsciously doing that?

Yes! Just message!

Hi friend, how are you? I haven't heard from you much for a while, I know things have been really strange recently. I miss our chats! I hope all is OK with you. Should we have a phonecall soon? Take care! Lots of love etc.

Lockdown fatigue.

I haven’t been allowed to work since Christmas, everywhere is closed and I’m sick of going for a fucking walk.

There is nothing to say to friends or family, I have no news, nothing to tell them.

It actually feels like a struggle some days to respond to texts, I know that sounds bizzare but I can’t believe how much mental capacity it takes to formulate a few sentences of text and not sound snotty or dismissive, and to try and sound interested in hearing about their latest non-news .

I think everyone is just struggling with the lockdown, and perhaps less likely to want to text friends much if feeling a bit miserable. I'd leave it a bit and try not to worry.

My first thought would be concern over my friend and if anything was going on with them? Why don’t you ask if they are okay and let them know you have noticed that they have been retreating from you

I’d definitely second lockdown fatigue. I have definitely felt myself withdrawing from a lot of people and taking a while to reply to messages. I’m just tired and don’t have the mental energy to reply properly, then forget, then remember and feel bad and not know what to say. I feel like I’ve run out of anything interesting to say because I haven’t been anywhere, done anything, seen anyone. Maybe your friend is feeling like me and from the sounds of it a lot of other people. Don’t worry too much.

I have done in the past. Then she said it's not me, it's her and her issues. Any attempt I made to get through to her was ignored or I was pushed away. A 22 year close friendship over, but there was nothing else I could do and I'm not going to beg, so I left her to it.

You may all be right. She was quite down a while back. But we used to chat almost weekly. she used to ask to chat but it slowed down a few weeks back. I do ask after her.