My 8 yr old and mornings

[Smartiepants79]

My DD is 8. She is clever and funny and can be very empathetic and thoughtful. We obviously love her very much.
She has always been quite stubborn and prone to irrational temper tantrums. This has improved as she as aged but we still get the occasional screaming, sobbing tantrum that can be continued for a looong time.
She lives in a stable and loving home, she attends a good school where she is happy and progressing well. She has a few close friends. She has a fairly consistent bedtime and sleeps well. She has one older sister.
I believe we are fairly consistent in our approach to her her, we listen to her grievances but are firm in our expectations. I’m sure there are things we could handle better sometimes. She does not get shouted at. She is a model child at school.
My main issue right now is that mornings with her can be very hard work and seem a good example of some poor behaviour we’re seeing at the moment.
Today, I went and woke her (gently), within seconds she had shouted that ‘you ruin everything’ and started to refuse to get up. I opened her curtains and she lost it at me. The resulting tantrum was still ongoing 20 minutes later. She just didn’t want to get out of bed when I needed her to. I had walked away and left her to it but it just carried on.
Now, I do quite a lot for her in the mornings - getting her up, clothes out, hair, breakfast etc... it all seems to cause points of conflict.
Should I stop?
Do we need to be firmer?
I found today very upsetting, I used to get cuddles in the morning! ☹️Is this just a reaction to homeschool??
Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks

Sounds normal!
Today, I went and woke her (gently), within seconds she had shouted that ‘you ruin everything’ and started to refuse to get up. I opened her curtains and she lost it at me. The resulting tantrum was still ongoing 20 minutes later. She just didn’t want to get out of bed when I needed her to. I had walked away and left her to it but it just carried on.

DD has days like that and I assume it's because I woke her at the "wrong" time of her sleep cycle. After her refusal to get up went on for 3-4 days I suggested pushing back her bed time by half an hour. She agreed and has been far more pleasant in the mornings ever since.

I am firm on the time she needs to leave the house and I don't discuss it. I tell her she has 40 minutes until she has to leave. Now you have 25, soon you won't have time for breakfast. You'll be miserable at school if you haven't eaten etc or the kids will laugh at you if you run up the road in your pyjamas. It helps that they both still remember me picking DS up and putting him outside the front door (to our flat) and throwing his clothes out into the corridor after him...

I never liked being woken unless I had to go to school so I sympathise with your daughter. My mother used to come in the room and open the curtains, I hated bright light in my eyes early morning. When I got older I stopped her doing that and she knew not to disturb my sleep if I had no school.

I presume your daughter is going to school, op, so you don't have much choice but try to do it gently.

I know you’re both right to a point. I understand the reluctance and am prepared to put up with a certain level of grumpiness and grumbling but some of her behaviours at the moment are unacceptable in my view.
We will have a chat later about what we can both do differently to improve things.
She seems to be able to be up and about well before the required time at the weekend!

Any problems at school? Learning issues? Friendship/bullying issues? She might have been fine at school last time you checked but things can change. Teachers not always reliable in reporting of these and child may not want or know how to tell you.

She’s been at home since Xmas!
There are no learning issues ( I’m a teacher, I know how she should be doing and she’s well above average for her year).
She’s obviously not seen much of her friends.
I know some of this is a reaction to having to go back to school after an easier life at home for 3 months!! I’m fairly sure there aren’t problems at school as such but she’s not loving going like she used to. She just seems to think it’s easier at home.

I have an 8yo son like this, oh it’s hard going l was thankful for home schooling to be honest as l knew l wouldn’t have to get up and have an argument each day. Anyway on the 8th we resumed pocket money again and one of his tasks are getting breakfast bowls/spoons out ready for breakfast. This has worked wonders and while he is now waiting for me to dish breakfast out he gets the shoes and coats ready in the hall way as well. It probably helps that he is saving for something otherwise it might not work. He is in bed by 8.30pm and at weekends he has his light on till 9.15pm if he has been good.

I am veering towards taking a step back and giving her more ownership of getting herself ready.
We need to address how she speaks to people sometimes though. It’s not something I’m happy letting continue.
Will also try and have a word with her teacher. Just in case.