"friends" & friendship issues yr6

[cheshirecat777]

DS is yr6 he is a social butterfly loads of mates. Anyway recently he has been playing lots with one boy including jointly playing games on a game console over headphones etc. this boy and his mother have always been a bit flighty eg DS only ever included by them very occasionally whilst all
the boys other friends are constantly invited over

anyway my DS was playing jointly with this boy speaking to him over headphones when it then came to light that 2 other boys from their class where at the boys house and where playing together inside the house and where then off for a game of footy in the park😀

my son was confused firstly by why anyone was in the other boys house given covid restrictions and why he (DS) had not received an invite. also thought mother of other boy could have either asked the boy not to play with my son on the game headphones if he had other friends around or she cld have messaged me to ask wld son like to join in footy in park etc

So sick of my poor DS being left out and disappointed. we have had years of this type of stuff will be so glad when DS is at high school

What wld you say if it was your DC i dont want to overplay it but wld like to give some words of advice/guidance/encouragement.

TIA

anyone?

That you wouldn’t allow DS to go even if he did get an invite because it’s breaking the Covid rules? Quite simple really innit.

yes i know that i think problem was more he thought he was this other boys best mate and it was upsetting for DS to know the boy was inviting all the other boys and not him.

i think its a complicated issue to help children understand that not every friend is going to be as kind to them as they might have thought

I’ve always discouraged the idea of best friends, it’s unrealistic, unhealthy and can result in possessive behaviour and unnecessary upset.

Encouraging a circle of good friends has been my go to since my DCs started school.

yes i do agree and i encourage DS to have lots of different friends and don't encourage the best friends type notion i have even pointed out to him how a few best friends at school have fallen out or are unhealthy eg one child more dominant etc. and that its great DS has so many different friends

i should have rephrased that to say my son would consider the boy as "one of"
his best mates

still it was upsetting for DS

Sounds like there is a circle of good friends your son plays with but not all the time.

We have the same with my kids. Quite a close circle of mates we see a lot. Then there are a handful of other kids who are friends and play but not as close.

Usually when we do stuff I'd just invite the close ones and invite the others if they were close at the time or if we were doing something outside where there's more space.

Also it's up to the boy who he wants to invite isn't it. Maybe he just wanted those friends there.

I wouldn't be worrying about it though!

I am not worried about it just wondered if someone had dealt with similar

i will just say oh well not good to be mixing during covid and perhaps you should back off a bit from playing too closely with alfie and play with other friends if it upsets you that alfie does that . eg accept how alfie is move on you have loads of other matea

this boy gives the impression of being ds good friend but its only as and when it suits him and his mother.

i am not worried about it but think it was a bit mean and clumsy. if i had a group of close friends and found out by accident that they were meeting up without me i wld be a bit annoyed i dont see why children arent allowed to be annoyed/upset if the same happens to them

You need to massively step back and chill out. Both mine part of friendship groups and sometimes offshoot groups meet up without the whole group why is this an issue? Seems odd mothers are so involved - by year 6 mine were largely managing their own meet ups.

well thanks for that MsTswift enormously helpful of you

Have faith OP that it won't last forever. We went through something similar where DS was being somewhat 'used' as and when it suited his best friend. Fortunately, he found a few other mates who were less demanding and happy (I think key is to get them away from games).

I think a lot of parents of 10/11 year olds still play an active part and so you are right to help him through this, and from what we saw, lots of exclusion games were played deliberately which is disappointing.
Maybe try some other things that don't involve this particular boy.

thanks humptydumpty the situation ia exactly a you describe - thanks for your understanding😀

'Alfie' hasn't been unkind though so I see no reason your ds should back-off from him.
Alfie and your ds were playing on-line together.
Alfie is allowed a wide range of pals.
If your ds is one of those children who attach themselves to a certain friend then become jealous if anyone else plays with them and intrudes then he's setting himself up for a tough time and high school won't get any better.
I remember highly strung girls like this at my school 30 years ago. Always 'besties' and threes a crowd.

spied - i never at any point said alfie wasn't allowed to pick his own friends or that my DS was highly strung or hysterical at the situation

he was surprised and a bit disappointed

yes we can all do as we wish never said otherwise

DS is literally the most laid back character so your comment is funny

Its not something I would get involved in. My children have had best friends, but also other good friends they have invited around or arranged to meet separately (pre pandemic). There will always be an element of jealous and possessiveness where close friendships are involved.

My DC know they wouldn’t be allowed to meet up with friends right now because, you know, covid... So for that reason alone I wouldn’t even stress out about this.