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DD possibly controlling friendship?

3 replies

Joeyandjanicesdayoffun · 21/03/2021 09:15

DD11 has been chatting with friends online though zoom over the past year. DD's screen time has gone though the roof (that's another problem I need to resolve) and I thought she was chatting to a range of friends, including her best friend, but it turns out it's just this one other friend.

That friend is being what I would consider controlling - my DD jumps up as soon as she hears a notification from her, the friend often accuses her of talking to other people, and is generally quite old for her age, whereas DD has always been quite emotionally young.

DD has been ignoring her best friend, and all of her other friends (they ask her to call, and she blanks them), and just chatting to this one friend. I feel really sad for her best friend who has been cast to the side, and I also feel that spending so much time talking to the other friend probably isn't the best.

I'm not sure how to approach this - I know I can't choose who she is friends with, and I know that friendships change over time. I don't know how to encourage her to chat to other people and not get caught up in what is potentially not a very healthy friendship.

Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this before?

OP posts:
lollipoprainbow · 21/03/2021 09:17

I have the same issue too with my dd who is nearly 9! Watching with interest.

Beamur · 21/03/2021 09:22

Is she at high school or yr6 primary?
If primary, at least high school will give some opportunities for widening the circle.
Intense friendships are not always a bad thing and quite often will burn out by themselves.
Is your DD generally ok?or are you worried this isn't good for her (guessing you are as you've posted!)
I'd carve out some time so that she gets a breathing space from this. No screens after a certain time at night, maybe have an evening a week as family time when phones are off. Go for a walk at the weekend (leave phone at home).
Once restrictions lift a bit more, does she have clubs/activities to go to? Having a wider circle is good.

Beamur · 21/03/2021 09:25

The other thing I was going to say, is talk about boundaries and how to say no. Not about this specifically, but as a general life skill.

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