How do you deal with being bossy/rudeness in children?

[Jayparrot]

Just that really as I don't really know what approach to take. DS is 5 and generally lovely but can be very dictatorial - I.e saying things like "we have to do what I want to do" and demanding DH and I don't talk to one another. He is mainly like this at the weekends when the three of us are together most of the day - during the week when it is mostly just me with him or occasionally just DS with him he is a lot less bossy and a lot more reasonable. It's funny because to other children he wouldn't say boo to a goose - he's like this with adults only (he can be like it with his grandparents and aunties and uncles too, bossing them about and demanding they do x,y,z).

How do you deal with that sort of thing in a way that actually works?

@VashtaNerada

I agree with firm boundaries and consistency. From a teacher perspective I would add:

• teaching turn-taking. This might need to start with something very simple like a game of Snap. It then becomes easier to say “it’s my turn now” in conversation.
• Allow him to make some choices (carefully orchestrated by you) to manage that feeling of powerlessness that little children can have. “Shall we have cheese or ham sandwiches?” “Do you want the green top or the purple top?” “Shall we walk this way to the park or the other way?” etc
• Create some times in the day where he has your complete attention and refer to them “after Daddy and I have done this, it’s our reading time”.

It will take time - 5 year olds really do think they’re the centre of the universe (imagine what it’s like teaching 30 of them!!) but he’ll get there.

Great advice!

I could have written this about DSS but hes 9 and theres no sign of him getting any better. He constantly talks over adults and trys to dictate to the adults in the house it drives me up the wall. Sorry no advice but nip it I the butt now and keep being firm

You get down to his level and speak in a firm voice. Explain everything even if you think he doesn't understand. Be persistent.

It's funny because to other children he wouldn't say boo to a goose

You've had lots of good advice so I will just add that I have noticed the children who are most controlling of their adults tend to be the ones who struggle to interact successfully with their peers.

It might be worth arranging some playdates with children he feels comfortable with. He won't be able to control them and if he learns to feel more confident in the world he will increasingly live in, he may feel less need to control you.

I just didn't tolerate it with my 4

Was firm but kind from 3 upwards

When they were 5 and still doing it I was quite stern and blunt. Soon got the message.

I wast shy about telling mine off in front of others either..my youngest used to hate that