Hello,
I haven't posted this on SEN because it's so quiet so was hoping I'd get more responses on here. Would be really useful to get input from other parents with children on the autism spectrum.
My daughter is just five. She was diagnosed at three. She is very cognitively able, has a vast vocabulary and advanced academically (so far, she is only in Reception - I mean she is already reading and writing fluently and clearly, retains knowledge, is working at more of a KS1 level for most subjects not that she's a mini Einstein in the making of that makes sense).
She has an EHCP and 1-1 support at school because she has struggled to cope with her peers, has meltdowns when she becomes overwhelmed, has sensory difficulties. All in all school has gone better than expected, with a high level of adult support she's even started to make friendships. To give an idea of the level of support she has we received mid-rate DLA for her and I receive carers allowance.
We are having terrible trouble at home though. She's holding it together at school and exploding at home. So far so normal really, I can deal with the meltdowns I'm used to it now and see them coming a mile off.
But what I am finding really hard to deal with is - and I hesitate to call it this because it sounds horrible - her manipulative streak. I should say here that were really conscious of the language we use around and to her, she forgets nothing and takes things really to heart so we don't tell her that she's a bad or naughty girl for example. We talk about good or bad choices instead.
When I say manipulative I will give you an example, but this isn't the first time she's said things like this but not to this extreme. Today, she has been awkward, deliberately back chatting, not listening - more typical five year old behaviour. After she's been told repeatedly not to mess around in the bath today when she got out I said 'oh dear it's a shame but if we can't listen to mummy and daddy then we're going to have to stop doing nice things like going to the park I'm afraid'. I also explained (because she always needs an explanation) again about safety, why we don't mess around in the bath etc.
She sat quietly whilst I dried her hair and said after 'ok mummy. I'm not going to listen so I guess I won't play with any toys anymore, I won't see Grandma, and I won't go to the park'. I agreed and said it was her choice but we need to see some better behaviour if we're going to have or do nice fun things.
Then she said in a sad voice 'Well mummy I think I'll go and live in another house. On my own, with no family and no one to love me. I will stop loving you all too and then no one will miss me'.
I was pretty gobsmacked at that. I mean she is only just five years old. How on earth has she even got that into her head? I told her calmly that would be a terrible shame, that if she wasn't here we'd miss her and that of course we would always love her no matter what.
We had a rather circular conversation for a while, with me just repeating that we always loved her no matter what and her saying that she wanted to live on her own with no one loving her. In the end, I managed to distract her, and she snapped out of it, we settled down and she seemed fine again after stories, cuddles etc. She went to sleep fine.
But I'm left here scratching my head. I mean WTF?
Anyone got any wise words on how to deal with this? She's in a stable, loving, supportive home with me, her Dad and her little sister. There is no conflict around her, she has everything she could need or want (she's not spoilt, but all needs met with some treats). I'm a SAHM/her carer, she has my full care.