2 year old DD sleep pushing me over the edge!

[SecondBabyGirl]

Looking for advice/solidarity!

DD was never a great sleeper and finally started sleeping through at 21 months when I weaned her. This also coincided with her learning to walk (she has some developmental delays although not global, she was a late Walker). She would sleep 12 hours every night straight through and nap 1.5 hours in the day. DH used to put her to bed every night and she was fine with it although he did have to hold her to go to sleep and then transfer to cot.

Since Christmas and mastering walking she has now started waking up multiple times every night. If she doesn’t then get to come straight to me for a cuddle she will literally scream and stay awake for hours. She is inconsolable. I am 7 months pregnant and still working Ft and we quickly realised that this was not sustainable, so now when she wakes up we bring her into our bed and she goes straight back to sleep. It’s not ideal but it’s getting everyone the most sleep for now.

However since we started doing this she is now also becoming inconsolable at bedtime. She lets DH take her up and she will even go in her cot and lie there quite calmly for a while but if she’s not asleep within 10 mins she kicks off and starts getting so upset, just screaming and crying for so long no matter what DH does. Even if he turns the lights on again and reads her a story, sings her a song or anything. She just loses the plot. The only thing that stops her crying is me. If I go in then she stops instantly. She will go to sleep if I hold her but if I try to get her to lie in her cot she goes mad again even when I am sat right next to her.

I don’t know what to do, it’s driving me mad and we are all exhausted. If I wasn’t pregnant then I would just hold her and do bedtime myself for an easy life but I’m worried about when the baby is here, I want to breastfeed and also I’m having a planned section so won’t be able to hold DD1 very easily at all.

She still naps at lunchtime but I don’t let her sleep longer than an hour, I’m fairly sure she still needs the nap to be honest. I often have to wake her.

I feel like we have two options:
A. Persevere with DH putting her to bed, she will learn eventually.
B. Give in and just put her to bed myself

WWYD? Also would you keep bringing her in the bed when she wakes up at night or also send DH in then? If I go in she doesn’t cry but I have to sit and hold her for her to go back to sleep and then try and transfer her so I’m up for ages and I’m so uncomfortable with my big belly! If I try to get her to go back to sleep in her cot then she screams and cries for 2+ hours. But again when the baby is here she won’t really be able to come into our bed as baby will then wake her. Thanks, sorry it’s so long

Ps. DH never leaves her, always tries to soothe her etc she is never left alone in her cot to cry

TBH in your situation with the new baby and the c section I would persevere with your DH doing bedtimes and I'd also stop taking her into your bed. Better to sort now before the new baby arrives.

What happens if you let her sleep as long as she likes at nap time? I wonder if it's an overtiredness cycle?

What time is nap and bedtime? When my DD was 2 nap was at 12.30 for 90 min and bed was at 6.30/7pm. Much earlier or later and youll interfere with her circadian rhythm. I'd try a gro clock too, it worked a treat with my 3yo. We made a sticker chart together and gave loads of praise and every time she slept until the sun came up she choose her sticker and when she had ten she got a little gift. This was about 2 months ago, and I was 6m pregnant, having a planned section and knowing I had to do something to sort out the early mornings. Well worth a try. Good luck OP.

All I can say is, my sister has 7wk old twins and a just 3yo who always slept in with her, and things are now very difficult, they're desperately trying to get their eldest sleep on the straight and narrow! I think they'd have it easier now if they'd taken a firmer stance on his sleep before the babies arrived.

In my opinion your little one needs to learn to go to sleep on her own at bedtime, so that when she wakes on her own at night she doesn't react so strongly. Can you give her a red nightlight, leave the door open a crack and keep popping in to 'check' her to reassure her?

@LazyYogi we did try letting her sleep longer, sometimes she will only sleep for 45-60 mins and sometimes she would go up to 90 mins if we left her. But then she won’t go to sleep until really really late, she seems to need to be awake for a long time in the afternoon before she will be tired enough for bed (I have friends whose toddlers nap 1-3 and then go to bed at 7, if I did that then DD probably wouldn’t go to sleep until 9-10).

@TheViewOutsideMyWindow we try to make sure she is asleep at 12 and awake at 1 and then we try to get her to bed at 7-7.15 but she often won’t fall asleep until 8. Tonight and last night it was nearly 8.30 after an hour of screaming 😩 if we try earlier bed she’s just not tired. And we can’t get her to nap any earlier, she’s not tired enough. Part of me thinks we should try dropping her nap but then I’m not sure she’d make it through the day

Both of my 2 dropped their naps at 2.5. You have to push through and put them to bed much earlier while they adjust. Snacks!!!

@Indecisivelurcher yep I’m wondering if she just isn’t tired enough anymore. She has always been on the lower end of the scale in terms of how much sleep she needs (she has only ever slept max. 2 hours during the day since she was 4 months old, it was just spread over 4 x 30 min cat naps). With her lunchtime nap now the max I can get her to do is 11 hours overnight and it feels like we are running out of time in the day to fit her nap in - she won’t go down before 12, even if she’s been up at 6, and then when she wakes at 1pm she won’t go to sleep until at least 7.30 if we’re lucky. I feel like we could probably manage 6.45pm bed-6.30-7am but I just don’t know whether it’s too early to push it. Like I said, if I leave her to her own devices she would sometimes nap for up to 90mins but then is a complete nightmare to put to bed in the evening!

To be honest 11 hours overnight is fine, I know things you read say 12hrs but that's always been mythical in this house. Even if she's not quite ready to drop the nap yet she's probably heading that way. Nap dropping isn't always smooth, sometimes they go shorter and shorter, sometimes every other day, or every few days, sometimes it gets so late it interferes with bedtime and you have to do it for them.

The experts would say that she's overtired come 7pm and needs to go to bed earlier, which will make her sleep longer. But tbh you know your baby! 2 is on the early side to stop napping but not uncommon. Like an earlier poster said, 11h overnight is fine, it seems it's really the getting to sleep bit in the evening and the staying in her cot all night that is the difficulty. I've friends who started cutting their naps down to 45 min, 30 min etc, then you could try for an earlier bedtime and hopefully avoid the bedtime antics? Absolutely heap the praise on her if she goes down nicely for you. If the nap is affecting her overnight sleep it needs to go. Try for a week and see how you go? Thereafter I'd try the gro clock and sticker chart. Praise is key, she'll feel like a big girl and will respond accordingly.

Don't forget that in a couple of months she will have changed again, so it's partly about setting yourselves up well, creating good habits.