Help with contacting a neighbour

ShaniaTwaining · 2021-03-19T12:57:14+00:00

To cut a long story short… there is a guy on my road who we very strongly suspect is making a nuisance of himself for his NDN with noise at all hours of the day. He’s an alcoholic living an increasingly chaotic life. There are a few of us on the street who’re kind of ‘involved’ with this guy (watching for comings/goings, checking in on him, looking out for his dog). But his immediate NDN isn’t in our ‘club’ of ‘involved people’. I’m thinking to get in contact with her/them to let them know that they’re not alone – we know he’s a PITA and while there’s nothing we can do, we can offer solidarity. A woman down the road who’s very heavily involved with the alcoholic guy said she was really relieved to meet me as someone else who knew him/knew a bit of the situation. I don’t see her around much so I wouldn’t likely bump into her. So I was thinking of a note through the door. What do you think? And what do I say without coming across like a total and complete loon? I was going to offer to meet for a stroll but don’t want police at my door for attempting to meet up with people!! Sorry this post is a bit long but any thoughts appreciated.

bobsandbits · 19/03/2021 13:05

Really kind idea. Why not knock on her door for a chat. She'd probably be very grateful.

Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 13:44

@bobsandbits

Really kind idea. Why not knock on her door for a chat. She'd probably be very grateful.

I should've said (but I didn't want a massive long OP) that they're Victorian terrace houses so talking at her front door would be inches from his front door and I don't want him overhearing. He also has his front window open for weeks on end so would be able to hear through the window too.

He doesn't know that everyone knows what's been going on and he's quite volatile so I think its best to keep it that way.

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Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 14:10

Hopeful bump for my thread

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trevthecat · 19/03/2021 14:18

Could you pop a note through the door with your mobile number

Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 14:19

@trevthecat

Could you pop a note through the door with your mobile number

Yeah, that's what I was planning to do. But what do I say in the note without coming across like a mad woman?

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CausingChaos2 · 19/03/2021 14:22

Maybe I’m wide of the mark but it sounds like your ‘club’ have a bit of a vendetta against this man. If you approached me to talk about another neighbour I’d find it very odd.

Just be friendly and natural, if his neighbour has an issue I’m sure it would come up in conversation organically.

trevthecat · 19/03/2021 14:25

Just 'hi, my name is so and so, live at no whatever, a few of us on the street have been noting the situation with ndn, heres my mobile number if you would like any help or to discuss further.' Or something like that

Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 15:50

@CausingChaos2

Maybe I’m wide of the mark but it sounds like your ‘club’ have a bit of a vendetta against this man. If you approached me to talk about another neighbour I’d find it very odd.

Just be friendly and natural, if his neighbour has an issue I’m sure it would come up in conversation organically.

It's not like that at all. I didn't explain in the OP because it's a long series of events.

In a nutshell, through a whole set of events, a couple over the road has become a kind of designated person to look in on him which he very much appreciates.

But because they are on the same side of the road as him, they don't see the comings/goings (police/ambulance showing up, him lying in the front yard naked etc.) so me and my NDN have started watching out for strange comings/goings so that the other woman can text him or look in on him to make sure he's alright.

He has a dog and we're all very concerned for the dog's welfare.

Just be friendly and natural, if his neighbour has an issue I’m sure it would come up in conversation organically
But that's my point, I've never had a conversation with the woman, I don't see her around, I don't know her. I wouldn't naturally have a conversation with her for this to come up.

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Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 15:50

@trevthecat

Just 'hi, my name is so and so, live at no whatever, a few of us on the street have been noting the situation with ndn, heres my mobile number if you would like any help or to discuss further.' Or something like that

That's really nice. I like that. Thank you!

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Cattitudes · 19/03/2021 15:57

@trevthecat

Just 'hi, my name is so and so, live at no whatever, a few of us on the street have been noting the situation with ndn, heres my mobile number if you would like any help or to discuss further.' Or something like that

I would maybe try to be a little clearer that you are trying to support him, but appreciate that it must be disruptive living next to him and if she would like to be kept in the loop with xxx then to get in touch.

If you don't give enough information she might just think you are being nosey, but you don't want to put her off contacting you if she thinks you all his fan club.

activitythree · 19/03/2021 16:00

If I received that kind of note I would be a bit WTF at the idea there was a whole group of local residents who had obviously been discussing me and views me as someone who needed looking out for.

Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 16:10

@activitythree

If I received that kind of note I would be a bit WTF at the idea there was a whole group of local residents who had obviously been discussing me and views me as someone who needed looking out for.

We haven't been discussing her beyond saying that it must be horrid to live next door to him right now.

It's not about us 'looking out' for them so much as offering solidarity.

The woman over the road who looks in on the alcoholic guy was looking in on him for a few months then when I met her properly and said I knew him a bit and that we'd noticed his behaviour, she said she was very relieved to know other people had noticed and had her back.

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Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 16:11

@Cattitudes
I would maybe try to be a little clearer that you are trying to support him, but appreciate that it must be disruptive living next to him and if she would like to be kept in the loop with xxx then to get in touch.

If you don't give enough information she might just think you are being nosey, but you don't want to put her off contacting you if she thinks you all his fan club.

That's very true, more information needed for sure.
We are most definitely not his fan club. We're all mainly concerned for his poor little dog

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activitythree · 19/03/2021 16:16

We haven't been discussing her beyond saying that it must be horrid to live next door to him right now.

It's not about us 'looking out' for them so much as offering solidarity.

It doesn't matter. That is how I would view it. You have every right to defend your reasons and tell us it isn't like that, but if I was given the note, I would view it as that. So you have to take into consideration how it will be received. Whether I am right or wrong (wrong in this case as you explain) the neighbour does not know that so could potentially see it in exactly the same way I did.

Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 16:23

@activitythree

We haven't been discussing her beyond saying that it must be horrid to live next door to him right now.

It's not about us 'looking out' for them so much as offering solidarity.

It doesn't matter. That is how I would view it. You have every right to defend your reasons and tell us it isn't like that, but if I was given the note, I would view it as that. So you have to take into consideration how it will be received. Whether I am right or wrong (wrong in this case as you explain) the neighbour does not know that so could potentially see it in exactly the same way I did.

I didn't mean to come across as defensive. I hate the idea that she'd think we've been gossiping about her but you're right that I don't know how the note would be received.

Yesterday evening there was all sorts of shouting coming from his house and the police were banging on his door at 5:30am (not sure who called them but it might well have been his NDN). That's just in the last 24-hours and what I've seen/heard from over the road rather than being attached to his house. I think they're having to cope with a lot from him and I'd really hope that a friendly note of solidarity would be received the way it was intended.

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radioband · 19/03/2021 16:36

You sound like you’re ganging up on this guy! Except for noise what is the issue? If you’re concerned for his dog why not phone the RSPCA and get them to assess? Also if he is causing noise for the direct neighbour, surely that is up to them to deal with? Not a whole bunch of neighbours that it isn’t affecting.

Original poster

ShaniaTwaining · 19/03/2021 16:50

@radioband

You sound like you’re ganging up on this guy! Except for noise what is the issue? If you’re concerned for his dog why not phone the RSPCA and get them to assess? Also if he is causing noise for the direct neighbour, surely that is up to them to deal with? Not a whole bunch of neighbours that it isn’t affecting.

We're really not ganging up on him. The woman over the road checks up on him regularly which he has said to her/her partner that he really appreciates. The rest of us just watch for comings/goings and alert her if something alarming happens.

So, except for noise at all hours of the day and night...

...police and ambulances being out every couple of weeks. Blue lights flashing and sirens going at all hours of night.

...collapsing unconscious in the middle of the street from time to time.

...regularly balling at the top of his voice at the break of dawn in the street.

...collapsing bollock naked in his front yard.

...threatening tradesmen working on the street with a wooden pole. Later on, threatening the same tradesmen that he was going to get a gun.

He has also behaved appallingly with his family but that's something which hasn't been on our street so not something that particularly concerns me.

I have contacted the RSPCA. I have contacted their cruelty helpline and asked a friend who works for them. But they are only dealing with the most horrendous emergencies at the moment. Because his dog is being fed and kept indoors, they can't do anything. He hasn't walked his dog for months, there is piss/shit all over his house, he's always shouting at his dog for no reason, his dog isn't being taken to the vets but there's nothing RSPCA can do.

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