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Anyone around for a hand hold or talk sense into me?

5 replies

Dogman2020 · 19/03/2021 11:47

I think dp is about to break up with me after 20 years and my anxiety is through the roof. He asked if we can have a chat at the weekend.

It's been so many bad things happen in the past 5 years (we've both lost our dads, I lost my gran, both my cat's died, I've suffered 7 miscarriages, he had a breakdown) I could go on and on, I tried to support him a number of years ago he left work got into college, went back to uni while I supported him and carried on looking after our ds, he would stay out drinking a few nights a week and I thought he had to get it out his system as his dad dying hit him hard, but all the time I was grieving too and the resentment was growing.

a year ago we stopped sleeping in the same bed, I grew tired of having sex as an extra chore when I was doing everything in the house already, he also accused me of having an affair when all I was doing was going to the gym, so we broke down in that respect we fought all the time and we would alternate between sleeping on the couch and sleeping in the bed, until I eventually bought a spare bed last October to put in the spare room.

Lockdown actually saw us repair some of the hurt and start to build a friendship again, I know were both still hurting and I sometimes think i'm wasting his time by still being here. Im torn in 2 different directions, fight to save my family, my home - but would I be doing more damage to myself staying where Im feeling so hurt beyond belief.

Or do I go, move on, start fresh somewhere splitting our ds between ourselves. I was the parent of separated parents so im more hesitant to do this for fear of ruining Ds's life.

I just have this gut feeling that tomorrow's chat will be the end. I do love and care for him in so many way's, but there's a part of me that resents how much pressure he's put me under and how much hate has happened between us. I dont even know what im asking, its been 22 years since I split up with anyone, and even then its only happened once before. Im so confused about what to do.

OP posts:
Bordois · 19/03/2021 11:51

Taking your child out of the equation, what do you want?

Are you getting anything out of this relationship?

Dogman2020 · 19/03/2021 12:28

When you put it like that I guess the answer is no, Im not getting anything really apart from a place to live. That's also what plays on my mind is the fact one day DS will be off and it will be just me and him left together, we have nothing to talk about other than DS really now as it is.

I've just never done anything like this before and I really don't want to regret it in years to come.

OP posts:
Somuddled · 19/03/2021 17:43

Oh this is horrid. Even if you can see that it is something you will eventually have a better life from I can imagine the anticipation of what tomorrow will bring must feel like a washing machine of emotions.

I'll chat with you if you like. We can talk about this or nonsense to help distract you.

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Dogman2020 · 19/03/2021 18:11

Thank you

Yes I do wish he’d just come to speak to me directly rather than let me sit on it for a few days 🤦🏻‍♀️ The stress of that alone hasn’t let me sleep the past couple of nights

OP posts:
Somuddled · 19/03/2021 23:39

@Dogman2020

Thank you

Yes I do wish he’d just come to speak to me directly rather than let me sit on it for a few days 🤦🏻‍♀️ The stress of that alone hasn’t let me sleep the past couple of nights

Argh. OP is sorry. I posted saying I'd chat to then disappeared. Dropped my stupid phone and it's only just clinging on. It sounds like you have both been through a lot. Together and individually and sometimes that's just too much. Concentrate on the long term gains rather than the short term pain.
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