Had a team photograph taken this morning

[PLAYJAJADINGDONG]

and it has caused me to:

Sleep dreadfully last night
Get up at 5.30pm to do full hair and makeup before work
Not be able to eat anything today
Change outfits three times
Take two propranolol
Shake and go red, feel hot, sick and dizzy even having taken the propranolol
Not want to look at the photos when they've been taken.
Delete the photo sent to me by my colleague for approval without even looking at it by blocking screen with one hand and deleting with other.
Cry once back in my office

For context I'm an NHS professional, love my job and am bloody good at it. I don't have social media so will never even see the photograph. I'm perfectly normal looking and a size 14. Both my colleagues are younger and slimmer and combined with my abysmal self-esteem/hatred of photos this was the outcome.

How abnormal on a scale of 1-10 am I? Can anyone relate?

😟

I have BDD and would hate that. I would react similarly. To the extent that I would probably refuse. As it would have such a detrimental effect on my mental health. Was refusing not an option for you?

I felt like refusing would've made me look really inflexible, unhelpful and petty. Our team is supposed to be quite "visible" to patients so it makes sense that our faces would be on work social media.

I just can't find sufficient words to express how much I hated every second of it 😩.

It probably would make me look "difficult" but tbh I have multiple MH and physical health conditions that I grapple with everyday. Just getting through each day is challenging and a photo like that could trigger suicidal ideation so I am past caring what people think in that way. I have to put my health first, work second. I do lots of other very positive things at work but that's a red line for me.

Yep. Cannot see why team photos etc are even necessary. Bad enough having to have it on a works pass. The thought of having to submit Iris scans and finger prints makes me physically sick.

I fully understand Raving - 💐 and ☕ for you.

I "only" have generalised anxiety disorder coupled with horrendous life-long food + body image issues largely due to my mother. Have had therapy in the past but currently don't have the spare cash.

I have wonderful DC, an amazing DP and a generally fulfilling, happy life but this has just knocked me right off my perch this morning.

Just want to go home and cry.

Bless you but I think you do know that this isn't a normal response - and I don't really like the word normal.
I'm not very photogenic either but it is just a photo and no one will be cimpating you to your younger colleagues. They will probably be thinking, Ooh I want her to look after me as she is going to be the most experienced and competent. Own your experience.

it is really helpful to us patients that you have done this. be proud of yourself for doing something so difficult for you.

Really not normal. Sounds like you need counselling.

Seems a little extreme but I absolutely hate having my photo taken so I sort of know how you feel but not sure I would lose sleep over it.

I worked in a school for 25 years and when I left they put together a montage of photos I was in. They only managed to find 11 pictures with me in as I always managed to dodge the camera!

Most people who don't like their photo taken would just grin and bear it and probably have a moan about the size of their nose when looking at the resulting photo. So yes, I would say the sheer level of anxiety it has caused you is beyond what most people experience.

Have you spoken to anyone about this? It might be something you could get some help with, if you wanted to.

It's just a work photo. Honestly nobody gives a shiny shite hi you look. They'll either be too focused on themselves or not even see it.

@TeckanandMultra

It's just a work photo. Honestly nobody gives a shiny shite hi you look. They'll either be too focused on themselves or not even see it.

Y'see I completely and totally know this to be true. I really do.

But the irrational, anxiety-ridden part of my brain is just obsessed with there now being a shockingly awful photo (that I haven't actually seen), in which I look like a hippo in a new look frock, next to two beautiful women out there on the internet for posterity.

Going to see if I can rejig my finances to prioritise some more counselling. I was brought up (hungry) by an image-obsessed, mother with an eating disorder who to this day thinks that being over a size 10 means you have no value as a person and frankly no business existing. It's fucked me up so so badly.

I hate photos too so can relate
Slightly separately though... do make sure you have photos of you and your DC to look back on. I cringe about it but make sure we have ones together and I do a short photo book for every year. Sorry it’s a depressing thought but I think when they’re older especially if something happens it’s really important to have some pictures

Oh Ruggery your post struck a nerve. There are very few photos of me and the DC apart from selfies of the three of us that I'm quite happy to take (and retake, and retake until I get one that's acceptable). Photos taken by someone else? Forget it. I really need to get over myself and rectify that. My kids will have nothing to remember me by otherwise 🥺 (I worry/lose sleep about precisely this kind of thing).

I've been with DP for three years and there are two photos of us in existence. Two.

I feel like I'm trying to sneak unnoticed and unjudged through my own life 😟.

Oh bless you. Fwiw, like a previous poster, I find photos of staff so helpful in these situations so a huge well done to you for getting through it. I know you're not thinking like this now, but it WAS a big achievment given how anxious you were, so please try on focus on that.

I don't particularly like having my photo taken but this is extreme! I think you should seek help for it.

You asked ...so honestly that's a total abnormal reaction and i expect you hid all that expertly from everyone and that must be exhausting!

Share your day with oh and doc and get treatment ASAP
There is no reason to live so miserably

I would probably take delight in being the scruffiest person present & hope that encourages everyone to never put me in a photo again.

There are always going to be more beautiful women than any of us on the Internet.

I can relate to this but I would have refused to have my photo taken (luckily I'm in a junior role so would feel confident to stand my ground).

For some people the distress of photos/video calls is so severe it's in the realms of mental health. Employers should respectfully treat it as such - they put loads of effort into initiatives for mental health awareness/disability sunflower logos/rainbow lanyards/gender pro-noun bollocks etc etc so it's about bloody time they recognised the distress some people suffer with photos/videos.

Is there a name for it? Hideous-photo-syndrome? I think BDD covers a wider range of issues.

Very extreme reaction.

I have FDD- face dysmorphic disorder, so I feel your pain. I would have been "ill" on staff photo day (though thankfully my manager would never make me do such a thing!)

@yeOldeTrout

I would probably take delight in being the scruffiest person present & hope that encourages everyone to never put me in a photo again.

There are always going to be more beautiful women than any of us on the Internet.

It's a means of identifying staff, not a Vogue photoshoot Nobody cares what you look like; it's to be able to pick you out of a crowd. I think this is very peculiar. People can look at your face at any time, they know fine well what you look like.